It does get better!

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Peace Lily

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It does get better!
« on: April 10, 2018, 06:06:03 PM »
I haven't posted much recently, but I thought I'd share this with you.  I feel I have taken a step forwards. I feel as if I am changing from the inside and feeling a lot more confident.  I have not seen my parents since last October ( a terrible meeting which left me devastated). Before Xmas I was in a very dark place, I could not see a way out. I was obsessed with my FOO - things were going around and around in my brain, I could not think of anything else than my FOO issues and my life been unravelling. I didn't want to see my friends, I didn't want to do anything and I spent a disproportionate amount of time either on this website or looking up stuff about dysfunctional families online.  I was difficult to live with, but I have a very supportive SO and that has helped me through. I have been in therapy since September, and my therapist said that the pain of what I was going through would be worth it in the end. I couldn't see it than, but was grateful for someone who understood and would listen to me. Now I am in anew phase.  I had repressed my emotions and although they are not flowing too well now, I am trying hard to feel what I feel and welcome them.  The book by Karla McLaren "The Language of Emotions" is a massive help and I recommend it to anyone who has't read it. I am achieving a deeper understanding of myself and without even trying or thinking about it I am much more confident socially. Instead of taking a back seat (being the wallpaper as I always have been ), I am joining in the conversations and I feel more respect from people. I didn't get boundaries, but I think the work I have done is naturally leading me to create them with others.  When I used to get correspondence from my FOO, I found it very triggering, and I set up a special inbox to collect messages so i could look at them when I was at home and not dealing with anything else.  When I recently received a card from my NPD Mum I did not feel any anxiety!!! This was a good sign.  I still do not feel up to seeing them, but I can see that it might be possible without me dissolving into panic. I am very grateful to everyone on this site for being there for me and understanding when no one else was able to really get it, and for some fantastic advice when I needed it.  I still have a long way to go, but I see hope for the future.  I hope those who are in the  dark place I was in before Xmas may find hope and courage to keep going - it does get better and it is worth it!
"It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind". Aisha Mirza

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daughterofbpd

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Re: It does get better!
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2018, 08:26:21 PM »
Peace Lily, that's awesome! Thanks for sharing your encouraging story. Keep up the good work  :)
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni

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all4peace

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Re: It does get better!
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2018, 11:38:06 AM »
Peace lily, I read this yesterday and felt so happy for you!! Just now getting around to responding.

When I read your post, I can see how much hard work you've put into your recovery and healing. You sound like you are heading in a great direction in your journey to wholeness! I'm also a fan of Karla McClaren's, and her explanation of anger alone helped me stopped stuffing it down into an unhealthy place and start using it to set much-need boundaries. I think the world would be a better place if everyone understood the purpose of emotions.

Good for you on your very hard work to get to this place. It does keep getting better. Just a word of encouragement--sometimes it also gets worse again, but don't panic. Those times are not as long or hopeless as they used to be.

I'm so happy for you! And I bet the loving people in your life are also so thankful to be seeing more and more of "you"! :bighug:

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Danie

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Re: It does get better!
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2018, 11:49:45 AM »
That's great! I felt better just reading your post. And thank you for the book recommendation.

It seems like boundaries is the key with PD family. They can be so hard to set and maintain because we are human and just want love and peace with our FOO. Once we have some serenity like you right now, after having a time of suffering from their treatment, we can do some clear thinking and healing. And then life changes and our boundaries get challenged and we have to reinforce them or make new ones.

I have had good periods too. They are usually after a good length of time with NC. My mom is so toxic that even a little contact brings it all back. Once I'm in the muck I just want time to pass because I know it will get better with NC.