Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you

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NotFooled

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Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« on: June 19, 2018, 10:07:00 AM »
I have a uNPD ex friend that I went NC with about a year ago.  Her husband is completely manipulated by her and he is very passive aggressive.  He is her no1 flying monkey.  I am also NC with him. 

Recently her husband unfriended a couple of my DH's family members on social media, though he still remains friends with my DH.   The people he unfriended are people that I would never had thought that he would have been rude or hurtful too since he grew up with them.  It seemed very uncharacteristic of him .  DH seems to think his wife manipulated him into unfriending them and now I'm wondering if this is her attempt at hurting me or hurting DH.      I also know she has been on a smear campaign against DH for many years and she has never really ever been able to drive a wedge completely between her husband and DH, because they were roommates and close friends, since they were children.

For those out there with experience with NPD's, is it common for them to use their flying monkeys to hurt others to get back at someone? Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into this?
« Last Edit: June 19, 2018, 10:46:05 AM by Kieveen »

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11JB68

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Re: Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2018, 04:29:21 PM »
Not only manipulate them, but is it possible she even went on his FB account and unfriended those people herself 'on his behalf'. My uPDsil went into mil's fb once and unfriended H and I. mil then called us almost in tears, SO upset that she would do that!! HOW SAD!!! (the fact that all 3 - H, MIL and SIL are probably all uPD is beside the point)... My uOCPDh went into MY FB account once when he was orchestrating a FB group against a 'friend' he had just had a big fight with. I was NOT happy. No boundaries at all. They use others as proxies.

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NotFooled

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Re: Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2018, 05:44:05 PM »
Hi 11jB68  :wave:  Thank you for your response and perspective.  I guess deep down I was hoping that I was wrong about this couple but the more I look back on everything the more It makes sense.  She has been smearing/trash talking  DH since 2006, shortly after she married his former roommate.  DH and I were just friends at the time but not married when this couple got married.
It's crazy the lengths NPDs will go to.

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NoVoice357

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Re: Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2018, 05:50:09 AM »
Hello Kieveen,

For those out there with experience with NPD's, is it common for them to use their flying monkeys to hurt others to get back at someone? Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into this?

Definitely. No, you are not reading too much into it. PDs will hurt those you love the most including your partner and children.  FMs are recruited to do the (dirty) work. FMs hurt my late DH, who was vulnerable and physically weak. They acted on her behalf to punish me. The lengths some PDs will go to are unspeakable, especially NPD women. I am still dealing with these painful memories about the cruel things FMs did to him. Every. Single. Day. I know I will never be able to get over it.

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ManifestNY

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Re: Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2018, 03:46:16 PM »
Agree - FM's are very real and I've learned that ANYONE can be turned.  I just went through my first smear and both my mother and sister were turned into FM's.  Same with college friends and former colleagues.  It's incredibly painful, but I've learned to use it for growth and reset boundaries with people who were too close anyway, or get rid of them altogether.  I've healed lifelong wounds through the experience and actually feel better now than I ever have and am looking forward to rebuilding on my own terms.

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NotFooled

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Re: Question about NPD's hurting others to hurt you
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2018, 02:02:05 PM »
Ugh!! now my sister inlaw  is tagging this NPD ex friend on FB.   :stars: :stars:  Somehow this NPD has managed to weed her way in on my late husbands relatives' friends list on FB.  Good grief when will it end already!  I just want these people out of our lives.