Getting school counselor involved

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sweetpea79

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Getting school counselor involved
« on: April 06, 2018, 02:54:07 AM »
Has anyone got their child's school counselor involved?
I am pretty sure we are gearing up to take PDBM back to court again.. unfortunately.. (it is just so exhausting).
Again, BM has refused any and all contact between father and SD since returning back from visitation. Heck, we do not even know if she has made it back.... We are just going off that the airlines haven't called us and reported a missing child!
Anyway, SD is suppose to be in therapy. BM refuses.
Do you think that it is wrong to contact the school counselor? We just had a parent teacher conference and SD is doing great in school, as always.. But while she was here, she wanted to talk to us about some of her concerns regarding what BM does to keep contact from us. Hiding phones, saying that it doesn't matter what your father wants, he moved away from you, etc. Just thinking that if maybe we contact the school counselor, SD would have someone else she knows she could reach out to?

OR should we just leave it up to the court to enforce?

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2018, 06:21:37 AM »
1000% yes.

Even if your daughter doesn't speak to the counsellor, the school will know what's going on and look out for any difficulties she may have.

If a schedule isn't made for the counsellor to see her, the counsellor may be able to just check in with her from time to time.

Pds and counselling for their kids - it's mind boggling.

AOD

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Whiteheron

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2018, 12:03:24 PM »
Any support is good. Having someone she can turn to if needed - someone who knows what's going on, would be invaluable. Even if she doens't go to this person - having the option may make her feel less isolated.

I contacted both the school's counselor and a teacher I trusted to keep an eye on DS when he was in middle school. He felt better knowing someone, other than myself, was keeping an eye on him. Someone else cared.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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sonto92

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2018, 12:59:40 AM »
I have been here for a while.  Our school social worker recommended therapy services for our daughter (my district has a partnership with a mental health clinic) and my BPDx refused.  I wound up taking her to court and having a judge draft an order stating that she should follow through with any and all recommendations and if she chose not to I could move ahead and get it done myself without my BPDx on board. 


Pds and counselling for their kids - it's mind boggling.

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sweetpea79

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2018, 12:30:53 PM »
This is a great idea.
We were talking about requesting that if CO orders were not followed within a certain time period, that either 1.) my H could move forward and get it done, 2.) parenting plan could change.

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sonto92

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2018, 01:22:05 AM »
sweetpea79 - I got this court order put in place probably 2 years ago - it actually covered my daughter and my oldest son.  My BPDx was a real roadblock in getting the kids the help they needed and i decided that this was a battle I would choose.  It was expensive (attorney's fees for the whole process) but the end result was a good one for my daughter.  My BPDx had already "tainted the well" with my oldest son and counseling - she made such a mess with the counseling that my son had in place that he decided to not do it anymore.
I'm saying this because 2 years later I am back in the same place, but I now have this court document as my last line of defense if my BPDx continues to make things difficult for getting her any help she needs - my ex has to follow the recommendations of the school or I will get the final say.  It might be a worthy investment and a winnable battle

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sweetpea79

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2018, 11:50:00 AM »
Yes. At this point we consider each battle we will choose.
We laid off the counseling thing for quite some time. Because it does not matter what we say, if BM doesnít want to do it, she will not do it, CO or not. She has proved that over the last 6 years.
My concern is now SD is getting older and she has verbally communicated with myself and her dad, that she basically gets it. We have these talks with her every time she comes here, how this behavior is not okay, that her mom doesnít allow the calls she is suppose to have, thatís itís not okay that her mom argues with her, why she doesnít care she isnít allowing the calls.
We figure maybe if we got the school counselor involved, it would one, show that we are very concerned, without calling the police (I mean, we havenít spoken to her since we put her on an airplane back to BM), and two it would give SD another person to talk to her.
If the roles were reversed and BM had to go this long without having any communication, the swat team would be at our house..

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athene1399

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Re: Getting school counselor involved
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2018, 09:21:02 AM »
"If the roles were reversed and BM had to go this long without having any communication, the swat team would be at our house.. " Sweetpea, that is what is most frustrating. It is always like that! If the shoe was on the other foot the PD parent would freak, but since they are the one causing the problems it is ok for them. It is like they cannot see beyond their own needs.

It is also frustrating with BM not following the CO, because all you can really do most the time is pay more money for a lawyer to take her to court to get her officially in trouble. We let things slide a lot for that very reason. It's so expensive to officially file when the CO is not being followed.

I think having and extra person for SD to talk to about BM is a good idea. She will have a lot of things to work through. She loves her mom I am sure, and it is hard to see a parent be like that. I think a counselor is a great idea. There may come a time when SD needs to decide if she has had enough and wants to sever contact with BM, or is okay with BM's chaos and will need to know how to properly set up boundaries with her. A counselor is a good start because it will help her to learn the resilient skills she will need, and it shows her that mental health is important and there is nothing wrong with needing to talk to a counselor about her relationship with her mom.