A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers

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broken

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #20 on: May 01, 2018, 02:15:49 AM »
"I hope you have the Mother's Day you deserve!"

~J

These are all great...  Jade63, I love this  :tongue2:

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daughterofbpd

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #21 on: May 01, 2018, 02:46:15 AM »
These are too funny (and so true)!

My DH actually found a card for my LO to give me last year that said something like: Some daughters hope they don’t turn out like their moms but I hope I turn out like you. It was pretty perfect.

I get triggered reading MD cards every year, even if I try to pick a plain card as fast as I can or I try shopping for a card for MIL (who I like). I always end up accidentally reading some mushy message that puts me into a funk for weeks. This year, I’m refusing to look at cards and told DH he needs to pick one out for his mom himself this year. I am not going anywhere near that card aisle! This is my form of self care. I let my LO scribble a card instead.
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni

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GirlInterrupted0913

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #22 on: May 01, 2018, 01:46:02 PM »
I wrote this Mother's Day card a few years back when I first came OOTF...
This was never sent... it was just meant to help me deal with that god-awful "holiday"
------------------
The front would read "Mother, I owe you NOTHING" ... The inside would read " But if you are still seeking some validation I've got plenty to to dish out. Thanks so much for the constant feelings of terror and lack of safety you effortlessly implanted into your fragile children's lives. Thank you for turning a blind eye when your men were abusing your baby girls in every way (physically/sexually/verbally/spiritually) right in front of you, and then denying now that none of that ever happened or that you "don't remember". The chronic life-long CPTSD from that has been such a joy to live with.  Thank you for never missing an opportunity to let your children know how very insignificant and bothersome we were/are to you. Thank you for assuring that we went to bed every night praying to God to free us of you. Thank you for screaming into our little girl faces how much you hated us and wish we had never been born. That was particularly special. Thank you for showing up drunk and disordered at EVERY family gathering, making a complete ass of yourself and embarrassing all of us. Thank you for never being sober long enough to participate in any of our school activities or back-to-school parent/teacher meet ups. It was always so much fun to be the ONLY kid EVERY year whose mom did not show up. Thank you for the lack of nurturing all around...as in ZERO.  Thank you for making sure you got your needs met .... over ours.... ALWAYS.
Most of all Mom, thank you for your selfish betrayal via scapegoating and vicious lies over the years and then expecting us to just forgive and forget......It doesn't matter that your kids were thrown under the bus just so long as YOU came out looking like the dutiful parent.....  just priceless "

Happy You'll Never-Know-What-It-Means-To-Be-A-Real Mother's Day

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broken

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2018, 02:48:34 AM »
Mother: Thank you for teaching the kind of mother I did NOT want to be.

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MyEyesROpen

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #24 on: May 02, 2018, 09:07:09 AM »
Yes, I remember this difficult time coming round remorselessly each year to torture me, before I finally decided to go NC. For me it was a gut wrenching process of having to choose two types of card. A nice one for my warm hearted and selfless MIL and another one which was as bland as possible for my own parental unit. For this second type I usually looked for a card that said "I hope you get the day you deserve" and then just wrote my name in it without any "love from" or "best wishes", sort of thing. I just couldn't do anything else. It would have made me physically sick. I only did this a few times though. It all became far too traumatic. Nowadays I just enjoy choosing a lovely card for my MIL. I used to wish I'd had the courage to write something fitting in my own mothers card. Something like,

Thank you for teaching me that love must always be earned.

But I always wimped out in the end and just signed my name as usual. Besides, my excuse for a mother would probably have taken the above message as a compliment instead of a criticism. And despite everything she'd done to me to hurt me, I didn't want to hurt her back. I wanted to be true to myself instead of sinking to her level. If I'd wanted to be cruel, I'd have written

Thankyou for showing me that I would always be on my own because you'd never be there for me.

It was totally true, but I'd never have said it.
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who fill your cup, and those who drain it. —Joe Navarro

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LeeJane

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2018, 10:32:24 AM »
"Thank you for teaching me that love is conditional and that I am only as good as the last thing I did for you!"

great thread, thanks everyone. xx

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Some One

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2018, 05:04:18 PM »
Mother.  This day is all about you, just like every day.

This is fantastic!  Makes me want to break NC just to get a jab in. 
I will not pretend. 
I will not put on a smile. 
I will not say I'm all right for you,  
~Martha Wainwright.

NC almost 9.5 years with Nmom.  Enjoy the Silence.

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LSK1999

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #27 on: May 03, 2018, 07:33:45 PM »
Thanks mom for giving me the gifts every mother should. Toxic shame, guilt, anxiety, self-doubt, and a fear of having my own identity. Thanks for defying nature...no gift I could give you on Mother's day would ever compare.

or for the real simple card

Roses are Red and Violets are Blue, Most Mothers are great, but I got you  :aaauuugh:

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LSK1999

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2018, 07:45:19 PM »
I wrote this Mother's Day card a few years back when I first came OOTF...
This was never sent... it was just meant to help me deal with that god-awful "holiday"
------------------
The front would read "Mother, I owe you NOTHING" ... The inside would read " But if you are still seeking some validation I've got plenty to to dish out. Thanks so much for the constant feelings of terror and lack of safety you effortlessly implanted into your fragile children's lives. Thank you for turning a blind eye when your men were abusing your baby girls in every way (physically/sexually/verbally/spiritually) right in front of you, and then denying now that none of that ever happened or that you "don't remember". The chronic life-long CPTSD from that has been such a joy to live with.  Thank you for never missing an opportunity to let your children know how very insignificant and bothersome we were/are to you. Thank you for assuring that we went to bed every night praying to God to free us of you. Thank you for screaming into our little girl faces how much you hated us and wish we had never been born. That was particularly special. Thank you for showing up drunk and disordered at EVERY family gathering, making a complete ass of yourself and embarrassing all of us. Thank you for never being sober long enough to participate in any of our school activities or back-to-school parent/teacher meet ups. It was always so much fun to be the ONLY kid EVERY year whose mom did not show up. Thank you for the lack of nurturing all around...as in ZERO.  Thank you for making sure you got your needs met .... over ours.... ALWAYS.
Most of all Mom, thank you for your selfish betrayal via scapegoating and vicious lies over the years and then expecting us to just forgive and forget......It doesn't matter that your kids were thrown under the bus just so long as YOU came out looking like the dutiful parent.....  just priceless "

Happy You'll Never-Know-What-It-Means-To-Be-A-Real Mother's Day

I had to respond to your post, I just had to tell you while all of our situations have a lot in common, my jaw dropped when I read this because it sounds like I could have written it about my mother. The only difference is my mother was not an alcoholic but a gambling addict, and I had younger brothers not sisters. Other than that every bit of what you said sounded like a excerpt out of my life. Just out of curiosity is your sister or sisters if that's the case OOTF? I am struggling so badly right now because my brothers are not, they seem to have amnesia about how horrible our childhood was. Anyway everyone these are FANTASTIC and I love them.... :D

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justahug002

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2018, 08:54:46 PM »
Roses are Red and Violets are Blue, Most Mothers are great, but I got you  :aaauuugh:

 :applause:
:fireworks:

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GirlInterrupted0913

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #30 on: May 04, 2018, 09:36:15 AM »

I had to respond to your post, I just had to tell you while all of our situations have a lot in common, my jaw dropped when I read this because it sounds like I could have written it about my mother. The only difference is my mother was not an alcoholic but a gambling addict, and I had younger brothers not sisters. Other than that every bit of what you said sounded like a excerpt out of my life. Just out of curiosity is your sister or sisters if that's the case OOTF? I am struggling so badly right now because my brothers are not, they seem to have amnesia about how horrible our childhood was. Anyway everyone these are FANTASTIC and I love them.... :D

There were 5 of us.... all girls. One was lucky enough to have been put up for adoption. Of the remaining four, two are dead.
My oldest sister is dead today because she was SO unwell emotionally from our upbringing that she ended up on several meds and eventually took her own life. She was so tortured over our past. Everything she tried to do in life turned to sh*t and she just gave up.  The youngest sister died of accidental overdose. She had struggled with addiction from an early age...
There are two of us now... My living sister went complete NC with my mother 20 years ago and has remained that way. I am VLC and only do wellness checks via a phone call every few months.
My mother has absolutely no one in the family that wants anything to do with her. The only person in her corner is her co-dependent/enabling  3rd husband; who for reasons beyond my comprehension thinks my mother walks on water...
If he were to pass away, she would be 100% alone.... a designation earned.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2018, 09:39:13 AM by GirlInterrupted0913 »

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LSK1999

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #31 on: May 04, 2018, 10:09:12 AM »

There were 5 of us.... all girls. One was lucky enough to have been put up for adoption. Of the remaining four, two are dead.
My oldest sister is dead today because she was SO unwell emotionally from our upbringing that she ended up on several meds and eventually took her own life. She was so tortured over our past. Everything she tried to do in life turned to sh*t and she just gave up.  The youngest sister died of accidental overdose. She had struggled with addiction from an early age...
There are two of us now... My living sister went complete NC with my mother 20 years ago and has remained that way. I am VLC and only do wellness checks via a phone call every few months.
My mother has absolutely no one in the family that wants anything to do with her. The only person in her corner is her co-dependent/enabling  3rd husband; who for reasons beyond my comprehension thinks my mother walks on water...
If he were to pass away, she would be 100% alone.... a designation earned.

I am so so sorry to hear about your sisters. The damage this does is horrendous and so wrong. It will never cease to amaze me how one person (one small nasty evil woman, I'm referring to my mother) can create so much damage to so many lives. The impact of their total selfishness makes me so angry I could SCREAM! My brothers are still totally and utterly at my mother's disposal, and cannot face that it was her that has caused their issues. One brother is turning 40 and had a stroke last summer only to find out that he has had multiple mini-strokes over the years that have caused severe impairment to his hearing and now he has a difficult time with his right hand. All of this because he is emotionally about 12 years old and my mother implanted this horrendous fear in him about doctors over the years and medications, he knew it was high for years but was too terrified to go to a doctor or to get on meds. My youngest brother is addicted to substances and lives alone with his cats. Neither have ever married, had children, or have had any type of a normal life. Both have issues with anxiety (not nearly as severe as mine). I bore the brunt of the abuse in my household, I was the scapegoat. I was always relieved it was me, I don't think either brother could have handled an ounce more of what she could dish out. I truly believe that my brothers are only functioning even at the capacity they are is because they had me, and I loved and nurtured them the best I could. To this day if they are sick or really hurting it is me they call for love and support. They are like my children really than my siblings, I try to let go of feeling responsible for them as my therapist suggests is unhealthy. Yet I love them so much and I still see them as the broken little boys being abused in our house of my mother's horrors. Thank you so much for sharing with me, my heart aches for you and your sisters. I truly believe that this life isn't the end of it, we will receive true peace and joy in abundance one day. God Bless XX

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Some One

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #32 on: May 04, 2018, 02:06:56 PM »
"3"

And inside it would read,

"Did I successfully read your mind this time?  Happy Mother's Day."
I will not pretend. 
I will not put on a smile. 
I will not say I'm all right for you,  
~Martha Wainwright.

NC almost 9.5 years with Nmom.  Enjoy the Silence.

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KD5FUL

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #33 on: May 04, 2018, 02:25:16 PM »
Thankyou for showing me that I would always be on my own because you'd never be there for me.


This really resonates with me. 
לפום צערא אגרא

A victim of abuse who suffers in silence will suffer the most.

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WaitingForTheSun

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #34 on: May 06, 2018, 01:09:55 AM »
Open the card.  There's nothing but this:
"These words express my feelings for you: __________________________________________________________________________"




 :rofl:
 

« Last Edit: May 06, 2018, 01:11:31 AM by WaitingForTheSun »

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newme_whodis

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #35 on: May 07, 2018, 09:12:55 AM »
*in flowery, nearly-illegible script *
This card mirrors the pairing of your outer mothering persona with your inner emptiness. Like you, it seems normal from a distance.
[blank inside]

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LSK1999

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #36 on: May 07, 2018, 09:49:19 AM »
"Thank you for teaching me that love is conditional and that I am only as good as the last thing I did for you!"

This sums it up quite nicely  :stars: It would be the perfect card for my mother!

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biggerfish

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #37 on: May 07, 2018, 09:54:30 AM »
How about a blatant lie?

As in "Dear Mom, this is a cheap, plain, generic Mother's Day card instead of a glittery, flowery Mother's Day card because you taught me to be frugal. Thank you for that!"

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truthseeker4life

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #38 on: May 07, 2018, 11:51:09 AM »
(Top 24 reasons I am grateful for you this mother's day)

Dear Mom

Thanks for teaching me

1. It's ok to be abused because it feels so familiar
2. God will punish me if I don't obey you even as an adult
3. Children are servants and have no rights even as an adult
4. Not to have feelings as only yours matter
5. I owe you everything and you owe me nothing
6. Siblings will always believe the lies their mother tells about the other siblings
7. The phone should only be used to call your child if someone dies or if it is their birthday
8. Don't deal with your problems. Deny them away because then you can sit in misery and be a victim and a martyr.
9. Your spouse doesn't have to help you with anything in the household. Do it all yourself so you can get all the attention. Complain about it endlessly so you can get that attention.
10. Especially look the other way if your spouse is mentally ill or an addict. You don't want them to leave you and God forbid there's confrontation and consequences. Why get help when you can just get attention?
11. Go to church daily so everyone can see how holy you are. It doesn't matter how you behave outside of church.
12. Go to funerals and cry a lot so you get attention. Cry even more if you didn't like the person that died.
13. Don't move away. If you do I won't visit because you are the one that moved away.
14. Grandchildren are annoying, loud and needy and they should be silenced at all costs unless of course they are giving you attention.
15. If you are mad at your child, punish them with your silence. Get off the phone with them after 30 seconds.
16. Verbally abuse your spouse - they deserve  it any way as they are the reason for all of your problems.
17. Treat wait staff and telemarketers with contempt. Shame them for any mistakes they make.
18. Mothers never have to say sorry, please or thank you to their children. Children always should.
19. Don't ever use a pronoun (she, her, etc.) to talk about your mother. Always use the word mom as anything less is disrespectful.
20. Things are more important than people. Sure you got in a car accident but look you're fine. Look what you cost the family!
21. Worrying is a good way to solve your problems. You get lots of attention.
22. Your children are the ones responsible for hugs and kisses. If they don't give them to you then you got the wrong kids. It has nothing to do with you.
23. Holidays and birthdays are all about duty and obligation.
24. It is ok to give your adult children money and nothing else for their birthdays.

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truthseeker4life

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Re: A line of Mother Day Cards for Dysfunctional Mothers
« Reply #39 on: May 07, 2018, 11:59:49 AM »
I wrote this Mother's Day card a few years back when I first came OOTF...
This was never sent... it was just meant to help me deal with that god-awful "holiday"
------------------
The front would read "Mother, I owe you NOTHING" ... The inside would read " But if you are still seeking some validation I've got plenty to to dish out. Thanks so much for the constant feelings of terror and lack of safety you effortlessly implanted into your fragile children's lives. Thank you for turning a blind eye when your men were abusing your baby girls in every way (physically/sexually/verbally/spiritually) right in front of you, and then denying now that none of that ever happened or that you "don't remember". The chronic life-long CPTSD from that has been such a joy to live with.  Thank you for never missing an opportunity to let your children know how very insignificant and bothersome we were/are to you. Thank you for assuring that we went to bed every night praying to God to free us of you. Thank you for screaming into our little girl faces how much you hated us and wish we had never been born. That was particularly special. Thank you for showing up drunk and disordered at EVERY family gathering, making a complete ass of yourself and embarrassing all of us. Thank you for never being sober long enough to participate in any of our school activities or back-to-school parent/teacher meet ups. It was always so much fun to be the ONLY kid EVERY year whose mom did not show up. Thank you for the lack of nurturing all around...as in ZERO.  Thank you for making sure you got your needs met .... over ours.... ALWAYS.
Most of all Mom, thank you for your selfish betrayal via scapegoating and vicious lies over the years and then expecting us to just forgive and forget......It doesn't matter that your kids were thrown under the bus just so long as YOU came out looking like the dutiful parent.....  just priceless "

Happy You'll Never-Know-What-It-Means-To-Be-A-Real Mother's Day

I had to respond to your post, I just had to tell you while all of our situations have a lot in common, my jaw dropped when I read this because it sounds like I could have written it about my mother. The only difference is my mother was not an alcoholic but a gambling addict, and I had younger brothers not sisters. Other than that every bit of what you said sounded like a excerpt out of my life. Just out of curiosity is your sister or sisters if that's the case OOTF? I am struggling so badly right now because my brothers are not, they seem to have amnesia about how horrible our childhood was. Anyway everyone these are FANTASTIC and I love them.... :D

I can totally identify with the "my siblings have amnesia about how terrible our childhood was". I too am struggling but they are not.  I feel very alone with reality and they have just moved on with their lives.