What type of girl am I dating ?

  • 9 Replies
  • 1614 Views
*

Lefty24

  • New Member
  • *
  • 5
What type of girl am I dating ?
« on: October 21, 2017, 12:09:55 AM »
Ive been dating this girl for 4 years and I have seen and dealt with more then I need in a relationship. Been lied to plenty of times, emotionally cheated on, I'm thinking physically cheated on too, but have no proof.
She is hot and cold, distant now more then ever, and I try and talk about our issues and connect with her and fix these problems and be happy together.. She says she wants a life with me, but wont show empathy or do too many actions to make me think shes really invested.
I do not trust her, because of the lying, I used to be very secure and now, not so much.
We will have an agruement, but no real resolution, and she will want to fix and be better, but when I try to talk about deep emotions I get and have, she gets frustrated and walks away from the fight when we agreed last time, we wouldnt walk. 
When I call her out on something, I dont think I'm getting the truth, or the full truth. Then she goes on and says how much of a piece of crap she is and always makes mistakes.
Maybe im delaying the inevitable, but I just love her very much, but she does show love for me too much. So I'm not sure what I'm dealing with?
Any help would be a great help.

*

flybluebirdfly

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 496
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2017, 01:26:02 AM »
Iím new to the bpd world but the type of girl you are dating now sounds like the type that in 10 years from now you will be saying the same things about.

Iím sorry. Just my own jaded, and sad, empathy.

*

notrightinthehead

  • Host Member
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 3841
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2017, 04:29:26 AM »
Welcome Lefty! You might find some answers to your questions by reading the top 100 traits in the tab PERSONALITY DISORDERS. Although this is not a diagnosis, you might get a better idea of what you are dealing with.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

*

all4peace

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 8111
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2017, 10:14:45 AM »
lefty24, welcome! I'm so sorry that you've have a tumultuous 4 years with someone you deeply care about. Please do use the resources at the top of the page to help you understand more of what you might be dealing with. And we have sections of the forum devoted to those who are in romantic relationships with a PD, that you may find very helpful.

Let me make one observation. You describe a profound lack of trust and her dishonesty. As someone who has been making a life and raising children with another person for 2+ decades, I find this very troubling. Honesty and trust are fundamental to any healthy relationship. If you cannot trust her, then I do wonder what the foundation of your relationship could be.

I hope that isn't too blunt or hurtful. I'm glad you've found this forum, as it has been tremendously helpful to many of us struggling in confusing and painful PD relationships. Take care!

*

Lefty24

  • New Member
  • *
  • 5
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2017, 01:27:11 PM »
She basically gets everything handed to her, her parents give her what she wants and they see the issues she has and we have but wont do anything to help her or what I can do. They once told me to "leave my daughter alone." Like shes not the problem.
Shes not good communicator unless I say, "hey, you dont communicate good."

*

kazzak

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1989
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2017, 01:46:40 PM »
Hi Lefty24, only you know what you are dealing with but you'll find many here have similar experiences.

What you describe reminds me of Gaslighting. I was often told by my exNPD/HPD that I was the problem. Others in her family enabled it. I took it seriously, because I was willing to look at my own issues. But that wasn't the problem. My ex had a mental illness - narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and histrionic personality disorder (HPD). My ex also had other mental health issues such as addiction, and the relationship was abusive - including domestic violence.

It's best to get familiar with the toolbox. It has 3 sections.

http://outofthefog.website/traits/

http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro/

http://outofthefog.website/glossary/

Dive into the toolbox and resources to learn more about common experiences including what works and doesn/t. As you become familiar with what a personality disorder is, and how it applies to your circumstances, then we encourage you to participate in the individual subforums. Such as -

Chosen Relationships
A spouse or significant other suffers from a Personality Disorder

Committed to Working On It
For discussion of those things related to staying in and working on longer term relationships

Separating & Divorcing
Issues related to leaving someone who suffers from a Personality Disorder

Common Behaviors
Questions and/or Comments about Personality Disorders

Working on Us
A place to focus on happy, healthy living and share ideas for growth, renewal and self-discovery

Get into posting in the subforums and you will find that sharing your experiences with peers is helpful in figuring out what you have going on. There is a lot of peer support here for individuals who have a relationship or friend with a personality disorder.

I look forward to seeing you around more, welcome, and feel free to reach out any time if we can help you with using the forum.


*

Lefty24

  • New Member
  • *
  • 5
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2017, 04:23:20 PM »
I'm not sure if I should leave her alone and her just naturally go away or talk about nothing that has to do with our relationship and seem like nothing's wrong. Never thought I'd be in this spot over and over. Its tearing me up inside but she doesn't see it.

*

Lefty24

  • New Member
  • *
  • 5
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2017, 03:23:44 AM »
She's been really depressed, and did something to her self and I know I need to go. Words of advice?  Please

*

Spring Butterfly

  • Spring Butterfly
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 17210
  • You can be free and heal ❤️‍🩹
    • One Key to Better Boundaries
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2017, 10:34:06 AM »
She's been really depressed, and did something to her self and I know I need to go. Words of advice?  Please
I'm not sure if I should leave her alone and her just naturally go away or talk about nothing that has to do with our relationship and seem like nothing's wrong. Never thought I'd be in this spot over and over. Its tearing me up inside but she doesn't see it.

Kazzak provided lots of links. Did they help? Do you have any questions about what you've read? This is your journey to walk and the tools are here for you. We're all walking a journey and here to point others in a direction we think might help them in their journey so please provide some feedback about the information so we know what else you need for your journey.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
my Empowered Growth,Gentle Boundaries,Emotional Healing blog

*

Lefty24

  • New Member
  • *
  • 5
Re: What type of girl am I dating ?
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2018, 11:46:08 PM »
Update: I have had enough of all the manipulation, no trust and her telling me what I want to hear. I think this is the second phase of being in the fog. Not as bad but still hurting.
She had cheated several times and I was hurt, obviously. I would sit at home, drink and listen to music waiting for her call or message, this is while we were dating. She has a nighttime job,  at a bar. So you know how that goes.
I met someone that came and went, in a few weeks and that girl found something else in someone else, she was just that kind of girl.
But my ex, what I believe is a narc, walked in on this new girl and i, at my place.
She blames me for cheating, and is all hurt now because I did what I did. But she has no clue what she did to me over the summer, talking to some guy for 2 months and when I found out about it, she actually told me that we were done !!!