I just do not understand anymore

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Silent

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I just do not understand anymore
« on: May 07, 2018, 02:43:40 AM »
It has dawned on me this evening that I care more about my mother's life than she does. My PD mother has stage 4 lung cancer and COPD. She was on a ventilator for 9 days around Christmas of last year where there was a possibility of her not every getting off the machine. She stayed in rehab facilities for nearly 2 months. The social worker at her oncologist got her approved for full coverage of a medication that her insurance would not pay for and would have not received unless she paid $10,000 a treatment. I moved her in with my sister and myself because she is at the point where she takes 3-5 steps and she has to rest for 15 minutes to catch her breath. She has a catheter in her lungs so I can drain the excess fluid that is building up in her lungs (byproduct of her cancer) ever other day so her lungs will not collapse. And you know what is her biggest concern is right now? A CIGARETTE!!!! :aaauuugh: Forget all of the things I have done to try to get her to a place where she can be seen after. Forget the things other have done to get you treatment that would not even be covered if you were not adamant about wanting to live longer. NO! The only thing she is concerned with is asking her new doctor tomorrow to give her the okay to smoke. Before I went to pick her up to bring her home with me, she was in the hospital because she found 1/2 of a cigarette, smoked it, and ended up in the hospital the next day, even when she just had left the hospital not even two days before. She complains that no one wants to help her but how when you don't even want to help yourself? The one rule my sister has for her here is to not smoke. She complained about no one was taking care of her and she did not have anyone to be around her. She lives here where she has a sitter come in while I am at work, I fix her meals, I bathe her, and I manage her medication and take her vitals. Now, she is willing to give all of these things up so she can have a cigarette. Mind you she had not had a cigarette for nearly 4 months before she smoked that 1/2 cigarette. I realize I cannot want her life more than she does. I can no longer give up my life for her when she doesn't even care. I just don't know. This has left me flabbergasted!!

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Amadahy

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Re: I just do not understand anymore
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2018, 08:06:33 AM »
I'm so sorry!  It is frustrating!

I work for a hospice and I see this every day.  I don't understand either, but the one thing I want to make sure you know is that she should never ever smoke while wearing oxygen.  I have seen folks burned to death trying this.  Don't even let her smoke within 30 minutes of turning oxygen off, because the concentration around her will be so high it could still combust. Sorry if this seems like "duh," but I have seen several people die this way.  I know this is like trying to keep candy from a greedy toddler, but the results of such a fire could burn the whole house down. 

Please do take care of yourself and be safe.  Other than this safety precaution (controlling it), it is like a PD, you can't cure it and you didn't cause it.  :hug:
« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 08:12:15 AM by Amadahy »
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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Silent

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Re: I just do not understand anymore
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2018, 11:28:15 AM »
The sad thing about it is that my mother thinks that she can be so careful that the possibility of catching herself and the house on fire does not exist. That is the main reason why my sister has asked her not to smoke because she is not trying to lose her house. Sadly, her smoking around her oxygen was one of the reasons she was thrown out of one of her apartments and if you ask her why she will tell you the property manager had some vendetta against her. I mean really mom, really? No one is going to be liable for you blowing up a building and injuring other people because you refuse to stop smoking around your oxygen  :doh:

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Frazzled

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Re: I just do not understand anymore
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2018, 10:34:54 PM »
Sadly, her smoking around her oxygen was one of the reasons she was thrown out of one of her apartments and if you ask her why she will tell you the property manager had some vendetta against her.

That describes my uBPD ex-"friend" to a T. His landlords and bosses always had some sort of vendetta against him. It was never because he damaged property or sent hate mail/texts.