Is this love bombing?

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11JB68

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Is this love bombing?
« on: May 25, 2018, 09:26:49 PM »
So I am pretty new to this. I have ODd in multiple parts of my life I think. NC with uPDm for about15 years, starting to try to unravel memories/behaviors etc....while also dealing with the realization that my h may be uOCPD. uPDm used to go was waaay overboard with gifts. Xmas was like...Xmas exploded in our living room....we had to set a boundary when it came to gifts for our Ds at Xmas... Partly for our collective mental health and partly due to sheer lack of space. The boundary of course was not honored. Was this love bombing or some other trait???

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Fiasco

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Re: Is this love bombing?
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2018, 11:48:10 PM »
We had to set the same boundary regarding Christmas. I think thatís the superiority complex these PDs have. I know my BPDm just wanted to be able to tell her friends (and herself) how she gave the best and the most gifts. She literally never cared if my kids actually liked or wanted the gifts.

I think of love bombing as a manipulative tactic. Right now BPDm is showering is with gifts because she wants something. She wants to be invited to visit and stay at our new house despite having been told if and when she visits she needs a hotel. Itís sickening the amount of gifts weíre receiving almost daily in the mail.

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: Is this love bombing?
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2018, 02:59:18 AM »
With unBPD Didi and unNPD Ray, it was more along the lines of, "LOOK at all the stuff you got!  Aren't you the luckiest little girl alive!?  You should be SO THANKFUL we're such GOOD PARENTS!"

They equated stuff with love, so more stuff meant MORE love, right?   :barfy:

There was the added bonus they could brag about how much they *spoiled* me with the most, and the most expensive.   :roll:

And it was also an insurance policy - if I said anything to anybody about how they really treated me and somebody decided to start asking questions, they could hide behind, "Are you crazy?!  We love her!  Look at all the STUFF she has!"   >:(

I would have been happy with a couple of cheap dolls and *normal parents who knew what love was and what it meant.*   :'(

As I got older, more stuff morphed into buying my silence and complacency - it was expected I'd just keep my mouth shut and be unBPD Didi's keeper, doing anything she wanted, at any time, without any regard for myself.

When you're being love bombed, there's generally an agenda behind it, as Fiasco said.

Does your mom  expect more access to you and your FOC?  Does she expect you to move her in and be caregiver?  Does she want more dirt about any problems in your marriage, so she can shame and blame you?  Does she sense you're changing or distancing yourself? 

It might also be a matter of leaving her "mark" on your territory, through stuff, because everywhere you look, it reflects *her* tastes - including *your clothes.*

There's another one I'd like to touch upon that may or may not reflect your situation:  gifts as a means of getting what they want, while proving how shallow you really are.

Dinner and shopping (she gets a supply from you and a fix of stuff addiction, if that's an issue), with her picking up the tab for the meal and buying you a few inexpensive items gets twisted around into, "I can't believe I have to BUY WI's time!"

You know your mom best, so sifting through her possible motives is at your discretion.   :yes:

 :hug: 

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11JB68

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Re: Is this love bombing?
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2018, 12:33:12 PM »
This is very interesting: "might also be a matter of leaving her "mark" on your territory, through stuff, ". When we went NC...she had a bunch of DS stuff,toys at her house because she took care of him for a while while I was at work. And I would send much of the Xmas gifts over to her house as we truly did not have room for it all. We went Nc...went away for a weekend...when we returned home All of 'her' DS stuff was in my screened porch!! That is what greeted us when we returned from our trip. Not only did I have to unpack, do laundry etc...but also had to deal with all off that 'stuff'