I seem to keep making mistakes....

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LSK1999

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I seem to keep making mistakes....
« on: May 31, 2018, 10:11:48 AM »
Hello, I wasn't sure if I should post here or message an administrator privately. I noticed this morning a thread was locked that I had posted on and I seem to have broken a rule again. Another member was feeling deeply ashamed by a warning she got and I was truly just trying to help her. When first coming OOTF I had similar experiences and it caused me to leave the forum for a while. This is not the forum's fault by any means, that we are so low that a tiny thing like this would cause us so much shame. I think that when first coming OOTF there is so much raw emotion and pain that everything feels like a horrendous slight. My intention was not to debate the policies at Out of the FOG, my intention was only to make this person feel better and understand that I had shared those same feelings and sometimes it didn't seem fair. Depending where we are at on our journey some advice can actually be more harmful as we are nowhere near the place in our journeys that some of the other members are. I am JADE ing....lol. Anyway I just am concerned about the mistakes I have made because this site is such a lifeline for me I do not want to lose it. I think I'm getting pretty well versed on the rules though! All this just to ask should I be concerned about losing my access to the site?

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moglow

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Re: I seem to keep making mistakes....
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2018, 10:57:50 AM »
If you have questions regarding your account status or moderating decisions, please PM administrators. We will not discuss or debate those issues on the public board, in order to maintain member privacy and keep the focus on the reasons we are all here.

Please understand this is a heavily moderated forum due to the sensitive and highly emotional subject matter, and we adhere strictly to our posted guidelines for the comfort and safety of all members.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2018, 11:19:12 AM by moglow »
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Bloomie

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Re: I seem to keep making mistakes....
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2018, 12:23:20 PM »
LSK1999 - something that is for certain... we are all going to make mistakes. Being redirected in a clear manner when we step over a line - which is what we do here, is actually kindness and what healthy interactions within a community of people looks like. I don't know about you, but that alone has been healing for me. No one is going to pull the rug out from underneath you, or anyone else, without giving fair warnings and opportunities to adjust to the guidelines.

Asking questions and clarifying with the team if we receive a communication is always welcome and just as redirections are done privately and discreetly, a member's questions about a notification are to be done privately. This team of volunteers is here to help. If a member is unsure if something goes over the line - please ask any one of the team you are most comfortable with before posting via PM. And then give us a bit of time to respond as we come here from many differing time zones and get here as we can.

In any support community you will find members at differing points in their healing journey I have found. That gives the community strength and vitality and this contributes to our ultimate goal of healing and human flourishing in spite of the unique challenges of having loved ones who have personality disorders.

Something important to tuck into our pockets is that we only see a small snap shot of another person's life. We cannot really know where someone else is in their recovery or exactly what is most helpful for them. So, as we give and receive support, or ask for advice, or share from our own experiences, it is good to take what we need from what has been shared and to leave the rest. If someone's input is not particularly helpful, or they are further along then us, then just appreciating the effort and consideration that is shown and leaving it there is enough.





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LSK1999

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Re: I seem to keep making mistakes....
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2018, 05:02:47 PM »
Thank you Bloomie for posting this. I read through the guidelines again and felt a lot better also. I think when we are triggered it is so hard to not feel like everything is a personal slight  :stars: I have realized over the last few days that I feel like I have to defend everything that feels like criticism and half the time it's not even criticism...and even if it is why am I so upset? People can think what they want, that doesn't need to ruin my day  :) Your words are kind and helpful and remind me why I am here in the first place, and I am reminded that perfection is not a requirement. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this I was in a bad place and am coming out of it, your words just reinforce that kind and caring people are here and I can take what's good and leave the rest. Thanks Bloomie  :)

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Bloomie

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Re: I seem to keep making mistakes....
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2018, 12:27:42 PM »
Thank you Bloomie for posting this. I read through the guidelines again and felt a lot better also. I think when we are triggered it is so hard to not feel like everything is a personal slight  :stars: I have realized over the last few days that I feel like I have to defend everything that feels like criticism and half the time it's not even criticism...and even if it is why am I so upset? People can think what they want, that doesn't need to ruin my day  :) Your words are kind and helpful and remind me why I am here in the first place, and I am reminded that perfection is not a requirement. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this I was in a bad place and am coming out of it, your words just reinforce that kind and caring people are here and I can take what's good and leave the rest. Thanks Bloomie  :)

Yep! Progress, not perfection is what we aim for and we are making our way one step at a time! :hug:

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11JB68

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Re: I seem to keep making mistakes....
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2018, 06:26:52 PM »
LSK1999 - I made a couple of 'faux pas' when I first started too...got some messages, 2 of my posts were edited...all good...I was so anxious to get going and at the same time nervous about doing so, that I honestly didn't read the rules  :unsure: But - as a good friend likes to say "no harm, no foul"...live and learn. It's good to know there are folks watching out for everyone here and making sure it's a safe place for all of us  :)