She's telepathic apparently (!)

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Writingthepain

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She's telepathic apparently (!)
« on: June 14, 2018, 07:02:13 PM »
I've got this npd relative whose constantly imagining that she knows what other people are thinking, feeling, what they're planning etc. It's never positive its always "he's planning to trick you into doing this" or " she's trying to manipulate me into saying that". She builds cases against people using this "evidence " that can be very plausible and persuasive. She has caused by these means untold damage and upset in our family thanks to her poison and accusations.

Another favourite ploy of hers is to whisper nasty things about family members into eachothers ears about the other. E.G. in my childhood she nearly broke up my parents by running down my dad to my mum and my mum to my dad. Pointing out all their flaws (real and imagined) and what she thought/imagined they were trying to achieve. Pretty soon my parents were having furious rows all the time and it only stopped when my dad yelled an accusation against mum and backed it up by saying "and 'relative' thinks so too!"... of course they compared notes then and my mum was soon screaming down the phone at this relative!

The thing is I will shortly be staying in the same house as this relative and my family. And I'm not sure how to handle her. She's openly rude and judgemental but woe betide anyone who stands up to her! All the family will hear about what a nasty person you are. I'd like some thinkers and help with this slippery snake please?

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daughterofbpd

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Re: She's telepathic apparently (!)
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2018, 07:55:22 AM »
Yikes. Boundaries and don’t get involved whenever possible. Hopefully your other realatives are on to her by now and won’t take her words seriously. I find that all I can do is remain myself & remain kind to people (when deserved) but ultimately they make up their own minds about me. I’m sorry you are going through this. Wishing you a drama free time.
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni

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notrightinthehead

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Re: She's telepathic apparently (!)
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2018, 09:21:22 AM »
Ii agree with the above. Also: Your parents have given you a good example already: You speak to the person directly. Whoever she talks about, you speak to them and if you see any change in somebody's attitude towards you, you aske them directly if soandso has said something about you to them and would they be so kind to tell you what was said.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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Starboard Song

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Re: She's telepathic apparently (!)
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2018, 10:15:28 AM »
Yep: boundaries.

Meaning, here, that she will behave exactly as she likes, and you will not engage with it.

It's hard to not engage and argue. But if you don't, she may run out of oxygen. With others to turn to, she may just redirect her energy towards them.

Good luck!
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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louisebt

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Re: She's telepathic apparently (!)
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2018, 01:50:37 PM »
This sounds like 'magical paranoid thinking'.
In PD, feelings are facts. And if my feelings are generally paranoid, then that must mean that instead of me just interpreting things in a fearful, paranoid way due to my own previous trauma, that instead I must have 'special powers' to be able to 'know what's really going on'.

My mother infected me with this magical thinking growing up until I almost starting buying it. Keep a wide birth and MC the hell out of it.

'uh huh...you might be right about that' is the one golden phrase I have found. You are acknowledging them but not engaging in the drama.