Not upset....

  • 3 Replies


  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 68
Not upset....
« on: June 15, 2018, 12:43:44 AM »
.....strange title but accurate for my current state of mind.

It's been awhile since I posted. My BF is diagnosed ASPD. We have been together for 10 years -- don't need to rehash all the stuff he has done. You can read all of my previous posts, but sufficie it to say, like everyone here, it was bad, bad, bad....

In the Fall of 2017, I found out he took another woman on a 10 day overseas trip. So began 3 months of absolute hell.

January rolled around and we were still talking and something in me snapped. My birthday was coming up and I told him -- "I will not allow you to ruin my birthday. I am not putting up with this sh*t any longer."

I stopped talking to him -- surprisingly it wasn't hard -- I just didn't want to be the person the relationship had made me become and I decided I deserved better -- a lot better.

I don't know what happened, but something changed. It's like he became a different person -- a kind, caring one. I know that I really cannot trust this change at all, but it's a hell of a lot better to be dealing with someone who now is acting like a sane human being.

I guess I'm just looking for others who may have experienced this sort of shift and how they kept their head on straight.

I am not upset, but I feel sometimes like I'm not really here (if that makes any sense) -- like I'm living in some sort of dreamtime. I think it may be severe PTSD.

I haven't been able to see my therapist to talk about it because my health insurance changed and appointments with her are no longer covered -- so just looking for some perspective from others who may have experienced something similar.

Thanks for listening.



  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 131
Re: Not upset....
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2018, 12:28:41 PM »
Do you think you might be experiencing dissociation? The “Dreamtime” feeling you describe sounds like it could be. Dissociation is a defense mechanism the brain uses. It’s like our consciousness says “I am not safe here, so I am going to check out and go somewhere else.” Even though he is acting normal right now, your intuition is telling you that something is off and that you are not safe around him.



  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 136
Re: Not upset....
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2018, 05:30:47 PM »
I feel like like my uNPD H can be very nice at times. He stops complaing, going into  a rage , threatening me with divorce. He starts to be polite and not bothered by little things he otherwise is. Then I start being me and getting happy and going out and bang I see his bad side and my downfall begins.....


Samuel S.

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 957
Re: Not upset....
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2018, 01:32:21 AM »
I can relate to what you are saying in a way. There comes a point in time in which you have been hurt so much, you have been justifiably angry. Then, you express your anger. Then, you get the nice treatment which you obviously can't trust, even if he thinks it is genuine. You like the better treatment, but it is always in the back of your mind what he had done.

I was treated very badly by my PDw for the longest period of time, emotionally and then with neglect. Then, I expressed how hurt I was. I didn't get angry, but I was sobbing like a kid, but the anger was there. Then, she stopped. Now, while she has had some spurts of being nice, she has been neglectful. So, while she is busy, she is almost too busy for me. I am good for paying a majority of the bills and to be a counselor every time something goes wrong or if she needs to express her grief. There's no time to listen to me, because she freely admits her studies keep her busy enough so that she doesn't have to feel or to confront her grief. She lost her 7 1/2 year old daughter to a mosquito bite in 1999.