mommy yelled at daddy

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Whiteheron

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mommy yelled at daddy
« on: June 17, 2018, 10:51:16 AM »
DD comes back from her vacation with stbx with some peeling skin from sunburn on her face. She tells me it hurts. I apply some lotion to help alleviate the dryness. She proceeds to tell me that when she got the sunburn, stbx flipped out and then blamed me for his reaction to her burn. DD tells me "daddy said last time I got burned you yelled at him and that's why he flipped out when I got burned again this time"  :blink: From that point on, he bought baby sunscreen and forcibly applied it to her face every day for the rest of their vacation. DD is 12.

To DD, I responded that sunburns happen. If she's out in the blazing sun a lot she can always wear a hat if she's worried about burning. She tells me daddy wouldn't let her wear a hat. I also addressed the yelling comment by telling DD "I don't yell at daddy, no one yells at daddy." I may not have chosen my words carefully here, but it's the truth. Yelling at him would have started WWIII.

The burn I allegedly yelled at him for took place last August when he took the kids to the waterpark. What I said at the time, in a level, calm voice, was that when she's swimming and repeatedly wiping water off of her face, she needs to reapply the sunscreen (which he had locked up in a locker and she couldn't get to). I only said this because he was frantic, telling me he didn't understand how she got so burned. This is around the time that he was using anything I said to him against me in affidavits to the court. So I carefully measured my words and showed zero emotion.

I can only imagine what else he's telling them.
He is a perpetual victim to my (alleged) irrationality and cruel behavior.  :roll:
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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11JB68

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2018, 01:40:01 PM »
My uOCPDh regularly feels "yelled at" or "beat up on" (emotionally), and will say that I've "barged in, bombed in, flipped out" etc. Even when I am being very purposely quiet or calm in a comment or request. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've really lost it and yelled at him (because as you said it would start world war iii). He however raises his voice regularly. I'm still trying to figure out how this fits with the pd traits and behaviors. It seems to be a dysfunction in perception...

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11JB68

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2018, 01:44:56 PM »
Actually in my case with h i guess it's probably a classic case of projection.

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Catlex

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2018, 04:22:43 PM »
Yes, I also have the experience of being told, many times,  that I was "yelling" while speaking in calm and measured tones.
He frequently raises his voice.
He seems to use the word "yelling" if  I say something he does not care for, or agree with.

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sevenyears

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2018, 05:21:08 PM »
When I point out to my uocpdstbxh that he is yelling, he tells me that he isn't and that I only think he is because he is saying something I disagree with. Then I ask him why he is speaking to me so loudly and angrily. At this point, he usually storms off in a huff. If he stays, I ask him if his tone means that he is actually happy. He either stops "talking" to me or yells even louder about something else.  Of course, it is my fault that he is yelling at me.  :stars:

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lightupthere

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2018, 06:25:57 PM »
The level of asinine behaviour in these people is so awful.  Your answer was the best. Say no, it didn't happen that way, but stay cool and calm. 

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athene1399

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Re: mommy yelled at daddy
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2018, 11:28:51 AM »
Yeah, same here...
Quote
My uOCPDh regularly feels "yelled at" or "beat up on" (emotionally), and will say that I've "barged in, bombed in, flipped out" etc
. BM blows up my b/f's phone, texting him ranting and mean things, like (Paraphrasing): "you're lucky your mom is dead because she would hate you for how you are behaving." After that, which my b/f does not reply to, she says (paraphrasing): "you are such a bully! I am blocking you!"  :stars:

So yeah...projecting for sure...

WH- I think you handled it well telling DD you do not yell at daddy. Maybe you can elaborate by saying something like "When daddy is upset, he thinks others are upset, too, and that's why he may have thought I yelled when I did not." I don't know if that will help. Probably the best thing would be to make sure DD has her sunscreen on her, and tell her how important it is that she remembers to reapply herself. I know it sucks putting that responsibility on her, but I wouldn't trust your ex to remember, so maybe reminding DD before she goes swimming with your ex to try to remember to reapply every hour if she's going to be swimming. Really all you can do is to try to take your ex out of the equation, as reminding him about the sunscreen will only probably start WWIII