How do you split the school costs?

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Associate of Daniel

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How do you split the school costs?
« on: July 24, 2018, 11:01:59 AM »
Ds11 is currently at an independent school where the fee is one up front amount and no other costs other than stationery and uniform, both of which are minimal amounts. Camps, excursions etc are all included in the annual fee.

This has worked really well for us as it has meant next to no communication regarding fees between u/npd exH and me. Until he stopped paying his half of the fees 3 years ago,  we each just paid our halves directly to the school.

It's highly possible that ds will move to a state school in the next few years. Their system is to ask for money as each activity comes up, rather than having an all inclusive annual fee.

I think this will mean that there will need to be a lot more communication between u/npd exH and me.

I am fully expecting and fully prepared for the likelhood that he will stop paying his half after a year or two. He's not likely to pay for any uniform or stationery anyway.

His reasoning will likely be that school happens on "my time" so he shouldn't have to pay for it.

I'm wondering how you all deal with this. I want to bring it up for discussion at mediation in another 6 months or so.

What sort of agreement should I ask for?

AOD

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Penny Lane

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Re: How do you split the school costs?
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2018, 05:06:39 PM »
Splitting each little expense is a huge headache, and I really hope you can find a solution that lets you avoid this.

One way might be that you figure out how much school expenses are likely to be. You're in charge of all the expenses and your ex pays his portion via child support.

Our BM would never go for this in a million years, but maybe you can convince your ex it makes sense since your son is with you more. Maybe you can make the case that this would be more convenient for him?

I hope this works out and you don't end up in the same frustrating mess that my SO is in on expenses. Good luck!

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athene1399

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Re: How do you split the school costs?
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2018, 08:24:55 AM »
AOD, when you say
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Their system is to ask for money as each activity comes up
, do you mean activities like field trips? I'm just asking because I know in our state if BM doesn't want to pay half the field trip she is not obligated to because it is considered extra curricular. But if we ask her and she wants to pay, that is also fine. But there is no legal ramifications if BM doesn't want to split the cost of field trips.

But if it is a high school course that needs money, BM is legally required to split the costs, but she usually comes up with some bogus reason why she doesn't have to that we generally don't feel like fighting so do nothing. But on the other hand, if it is a college course taken in high school with fees, then she doesn't have to split the cost and we couldn't fight her on that if we wanted to. But if Ds is 11 you have a while to worry about that, but I'm trying to show the difference in what they are supposed to help you pay for (at least in our state- it may vary).

But I guess we could split the cost of school supplies. We never do. We just buy them.

Sorry. I am not being helpful at all. I think Penny is on to something when she said
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Maybe you can make the case that this would be more convenient for him?
Maybe try to say "Since I have Ds more, it may be more convenient if you paid me half of the school supplies so you wouldn't have to go out and buy them yourself..." Every time we try to split the cost of something it has a tendency to turn into a way way argument that we just stop responding to.

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: How do you split the school costs?
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2018, 10:17:53 AM »
Thanks Penny and Athene.

I might speak to my solicitor about it too.  I vaguely remember her suggesting u/npd exH sign a legal document which bound him to pay his half of school fees for 3 years but he refused to sign it.

That was 5 years ago. Things might have changed.

AOD

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athene1399

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Re: How do you split the school costs?
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2018, 03:56:50 PM »
Unfortunately most of what we need done can't get done without a lawyer. That's why we let most of it go b/c the costs just aren't worth it. It's such a pain and feels very unfair at times.

I hope you are able to figure something out AOD. :)