Why they keep trying??

[BuzzyBee]

Ok, so I tried VLC with my in laws SIL and MIL who I just can't stand anymore... I can't even list all the ways in which they've wronged me and DH and now DS over the years, it would take forever. So needless to say, I've avoided them since SILs wedding in March, only texted cordially when they send something. I only put up with them for DHs birthday in May, and it was literally the last straw with those two.... my son threw up at the table, and those two just sat there and barely picked up their feet for the restaurant crew to clean up. They didnt offer any help while I was trying to clean him up in the ladies room or were even concerned about DS..... I just had it after that. So, I told DH I was done being around them. He was upset,  because he wants me there. I feel like I get the short end of the stick around all of them. I'm usually the one taking care of DS while all the rest are having fun smoking outside (I'm not a smoker) SIL and MIL never offer any help with anything, and I feel like a bother if I ask DH while hes with his family. And these two always want to cook for us, yet NEVER have dinner ready! They are notoriously 5 hours later serving dinner. No exaggeration.... We starve waiting on them, and always get home late... Besides this their fake narc behavior makes me ill.... So, they finally asked why I wasn't coming around, and DH said the main reason is because they're never there for my son. They said "tell her we're sorry." They never called me or anything, which shows how concerned they are lol.. Then, weeks later MIL randomly offered (for the first time in two years) to watch my son and acted like everything was just peachy....  she could watch him on a Tuesday and Wednesday... because "shes off" AND its her birthday conveniently. Well it's a nice gesture but we work and she knows that, and he goes to daycare which she also knows... we pay for it even if he doesnt go that day. Even if I dropped him off and she wanted to go get him,  she doesnt have a car seat... she lives out of the way to drop him in the morning,  and her house is filthy and not even close to baby friendly... So yeah, dont know what to tell her.. On top of this, both SIL and MIL keep asking if I'll come to their get togethers. Its MILs 60th bday next week and DH said SIL is inviting us and "hoping im not still mad." I feel pressured by DH and all of them just to go be miserable around them because "were family." I dont know how to handle DH, how to handle SIL and MIL... I'm pregnant and really not in the mood for all of it.. Has anyone gone no contact with the in laws, or have any advice they can give? I feel like everyone expects me to just be a doormat.

[newlife33]

Narcs love having a scapegoat or doormat to push all their shit on or walk over to make themselves feel powerful.  Once they establish and groove this relationship, which seems to be the case for you, they will fight tooth and nail to keep it. 

[appaloosa]

     I went no contact with my narc in-laws after about  20 years of marriage. In retrospect, I should have gone nc the first time they showed their true colors. They were truly the most abominable in-laws one could ever be unlucky enough to have. And my husband was deep in the fog with them and whenever I'd get upset by their behavior, he'd get angry with ME! The one time I let my H go visit them with my then toddler son--against my instincts--forget carseats--they put my son in the cargo area of a PICKUP TRUCK with my H and drove on the highway! WTH? He reverted to a 10 year old boy around his parents--he'd do anything to please mommy and daddy. Ick.
     Your husband's first loyalty is to YOU and your son. I suggest counseling now, or you may end up like me, divorced after 27 years of misery inflicted by narc in laws. Do not allow yourself to be abused by them! Minimize or eliminate contact, and take care of yourself, your son and your baby to be.