Validation

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Aoifs35

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Validation
« on: August 18, 2018, 07:39:42 PM »
So today I had a good chat with my Dad. He has schizophrenia and sometimes it can be hard to 'be seen' but I do talk to him a lot about my BPD mother. They separated when I was six and he got custody. Today I calmly said to him that my mother doesn't love me and never has, she doesn't have the capability to. He has always tried to make me feel better since I was young by telling me she loves me in her own way but can't express it. I told him that I no longer believe that to be true. I also said that she treated my brother differently, and for the first time he said 'so you remember that,  you used to cry a lot about it '...right there, that little girl in me got amazing validation. It has helped me to doubt myself that little bit less on this journey Out of the FOG. It's like a jigsaw puzzle and finally the pieces are starting to make sense. Everything my Dad has told me through the years is starting to make sense. I'm starting to make sense. Jesus I wonder what's next!

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LSK1999

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Re: Validation
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2018, 08:40:01 PM »
So happy that you are getting some validation from your Dad. I too was able to get quite a bit of validation from mine. There were so many things I wish he would have said to me about my M over the years but he never did. He says now he regrets it but it was his thinking that he shouldn't bad mouth my mother to me. The problem was he didn't tell me the truth. I had to ask him for it. I called him him a couple of years ago when first coming OOTF and asked him this...."Did you know my M was seriously mentally ill????" My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad largely abandoned us...which cause many, many, painful life issues for me. He proceeded to tell me that he always knew there was something very wrong with my NM, and that she had abused him so badly in their marriage it took him 3 YEARS of therapy to not feel like he was insane anymore??? So this was hugely validating to me about my M, but then opened a whole new door of anger and pain to me....how in God's name did he leave us with her and never do anything to protect us??????? It sounds like your dad has issues that would clearly make this difficult for him, and my Dad had serious mental health issues after the relationship with my NM too.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad's schizophrenia as well. I used to think that this was just an organic brain issue, something that people just had. We are learning now that many develop this disorder as a result of trauma. I can't help but wonder if your dad had trauma that caused his condition and abuse can exacerbate or worsen this condition as well. I'm glad that you have your dad and hold onto to those good talks and that beautiful gift of validation that he has given you. Sending you big hugs and love, you are on the right path  :bighug:

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Absent Minded Artist

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Re: Validation
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2018, 10:10:44 PM »
Slow clap for you and your Dad.
 :applause:

I was 22 when I first had a "breakdown" and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. In some ways it's a blessing in disguise because the therapy has helped me sort through so much unrecognized trauma.

It feels like I've been working on the same jigsaw puzzle my whole life - just when the pieces are coming together someone dumps the whole thing on the floor and I start again.

It's good to know that I'm not alone!
"A manipulator makes you fear everyone around you so you don't see the monster right in front of you. They may have tied your blindfold, but you can take it off"
Erin Van Vuren

"Owning our story & loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we'll ever do"
Brenč Brown