I just feel the need to vent my situation

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UnoDxtrsMumHM

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I just feel the need to vent my situation
« on: August 28, 2018, 01:29:02 AM »
I'm fearful to express emotions anymore because I get a lot of stealthy attention from people I don't know and a lot of people I don't know seem to know a lot about me and my situation. I'm afraid people are watching me and setting up times to catch me in-between work, being at home and when I'm out. They try to aggravate me at work and on the road to and from work to cause me to react to their poor behavior and when I DO react I will always get a negative result due to my reaction.

I get intimidated a lot and cornered a lot by people and they turn it around onto me and act like I instigated, whatever they want to call it. My supervisors at work say things they know will cause me distress because they want to figure out my thought process without having to interact with me and make it obvious that they are watching me. My co-workers are aggravating me and when I tell them to stop they try to "bring me out" (I assume) to paint me in a bad light, i.e. pain me as a prejudiced, sexist, violent, disrespectful, aggressive, less than human, thing.

My sister's husband is sending his brothers to do his dirty work. I can't visit my sister at her house anymore because they're spraying chemicals in my boyfriend's grill and make the whole car smell horrible/poisonous when I need to turn the AC on.

My neighbors are harassing me as well to try to distress me again too, like my previous neighbor did a few years ago. My car is mysteriously smelling like burned rubber inside my boyfriend's car real bad, I thought the engine was going to catch fire. The people to the right of me are spraying something in the air conditioner and making my head feel tingly and making it hard to breath while I try to sleep.

I haven't done anything wrong. I have nothing to prove. I'm just a girl trying to just, live, but that seems to be asking too much.

I really try really hard to please everyone and I'm always doing what they tell me to do. There's too many rules to remember you know? I am too disoriented from this violent ambience to be able to interact with people like a normal human being anymore. I'm confused most of the time and just doing everything I can in my power to manage stress while simultaneously pleasing everyone.

Life has never been simple for me and I feel like I've been dealing with a bunch of world class actors that have one goal in mind for me and that is to make my life a living hell--they don't really care about the results, really. They just need to get their jollies to feel powerful and significant.

Everyone has an ideal ending for me, and they enjoy making suffer in-between times. I'm just along for the ride and trying very hard to figure everything out and make sense of my bizarrely negative and suffocating emotions. I'm not in control of me or my life and I can't fix how others perceive me. I can't make them not violent towards me no matter how I cater to them.

I'm a 'horrible person' a 'huge bitch' for not being submissive enough, and for being physiologically compromised all the time. For god sake I can't even think clearly how am I supposed to act appropriately at all times and please everyone simultaneously? I'm genuinely shocked I haven't done myself in yet.

I am so confused and utterly alone here :doh:

It's so silly talking to myself like this but it makes me feel better  8-) Go ahead and be mad at me I can't stop you like you inconvenience me constantly folks.  :tongue2:

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xredshoesx

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Re: I just feel the need to vent my situation
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2018, 07:54:21 AM »
these are all frustrating and hard to cope with situations for real.

the reason your posts may not be getting many responses is that your posts so far have been outside the scope of our forum.

the purpose of our forum is very clear,  people come here to work through or work on relationships with the PD person in their lives.  we have shared some of the resources with you to help you determine who in your life may meet those qualifications.  although we can't diagnose anyone with a medical condition, we can point you towards more resources if you think you are dealing with someone with a personality disorder. 

can you please clarify for the members who the PD/uPD people in your life are? 

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NoVoice357

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Re: I just feel the need to vent my situation
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2018, 08:26:21 AM »
Hello UDM,

First of all welcome to OOTF. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I can relate to some of the things that are happening to you.

I have just read your other posts. Encouraging children to have contact with other people outside the family while growing up is necessary to develop good social skills. If your parents did not allow you to have friends and on top of that they use to criticize you, you will feel unsure and uncomfortable when interacting with others. Social skills can be learned. You will find a lot of useful information on the internet. 

I get a lot of stealthy attention from people I don't know and a lot of people I don't know seem to know a lot about me and my situation.
When different people who are not necessarily related to each other like your sister's husband and his brothers, your co-workers and neighbours are abusing you in some way or the other, there is at least one NPD who is conducting a smear campaign to ruin your relationships. Their aim is to make you lose friends, your job, your social life until you are isolated and ostracized. This NPD will smear you to everyone who comes in contact with you and they will convince others to be their flying monkeys usually other PDs. It sounds they are gaslighting you to make you believe you are the paranoid, weird one.

Can you identify this NPD? Sometimes, knowing who is behind this is not as easy as it seems. This NPD can be a 'good friend', your partner or the only one who may be 'nice' to you. They pretend to be nice to get as much information as possible to use against you. They do not want you to know what they are doing behind your back. What they tell other people may vary depending on what they want to achieve. They usually tell others you are weird, an abuser, suicidal, that they worry about you and so on.

I am afraid that trying to please everybody, submitting to their needs, taking the bait, reacting emotionally to their provocations, freezing or JADEing encourage more abuse. The OOTF Toolbox has great advice as to what (not) to do.

You are not alone.
 :bighug: