Oh Bittersweet Validation

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Orthocone

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Oh Bittersweet Validation
« on: September 10, 2018, 06:52:54 PM »
I googled a former workplace earlier this week and found out that not only did a third-party delivery driver leave a scathing review for this place due to how the manager treated him, under the questions and answers section, he asked something along the lines of "is it normal for the manager to be so rude to people who are delivering for him?" with about five responses under it (only one of which partially validating it).  This guy was the sole reason I left that job. 

I almost burst out laughing and am seriously considering putting my 2 cents in and calling this guy out on then internet, but I've decided to think about it for a couple of days and see if I still think it's a good idea, but I'm seriously pumped!  Thank gawd for the internet and the chance to start calling these people out in public whereas in past days, we all had to either walk away with our tails between our legs or buckle down and take it.   Any similar experiences? 

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helpmeplease

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Re: Oh Bittersweet Validation
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2018, 06:25:00 AM »
I once worked at a school and the head teacher wasn't very nice. I thought it was just me. Years later I was talking to someone who worked with the lady who had been deputy head at the time. The deputy head told my friend that this head teacher had bullied her and had actually had a drink problem.
For years I thought I was the problem in regards to some of my relatives, I could not understand why. Years later I talked to other relatives who I had not really known growing up. They had some stories to tell of how vile my relatives had been to them. I felt wonderful to hear that it wasn't just me.

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clara

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Re: Oh Bittersweet Validation
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2018, 02:54:27 PM »
One of the things I noticed about many PDs is they seem to have this idea that other people can't or don't talk to each other.  They see us as living life in a vacuum where the only person who matters is them, so therefore why would we communicate with others when we have them?!  A likely NPD/BPD who once managed my office had this delusion--that she was above common "talk."  But once the other employees started talking to each other about her, it was like a dam had burst.  Suddenly...everyone was talking about her and how she'd treated them.  And she was totally oblivious to it.  So she continued her bad behavior until the upper administration noticed and fired her.  The only other explanation I have is they might not see their behavior as a problem, and when it's exposed they are truly, honestly surprised.  Which might be why they tend not to reign it in around people they regard as powerless.  Certainly they know how to behave around people who have authority over them!  But I really don't think they're capable of seeing the truth about themselves, so they dismiss criticism.  Which is why they never change.  Oh, who knows?!

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Idiotic

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Re: Oh Bittersweet Validation
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2018, 05:29:19 PM »
Heyyyy Orthocone(why though). I recently had my first ever experience with a work place bully and I left without pay, within the first two weeks.
 The person who was rude to me wasn't even my boss or manager, she was a colleague with longer experience that's it.  But I don't know why in the world she acted like a boss and I never heard her talk Normally. She extracted two weeks worth of work for me in a week, and I did it cos of ego issues.
 I haven't had a job in a long time, but I was like is this how people are right now? Is this normal? Why would anyone talk to another person like that? And right in the beginning. I mean don't you want them to stay a little longer, so you can exploit them further.
Whatever, I was outta there fast.
 
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 07:29:56 AM by xredshoesx »

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Idiotic

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Re: Oh Bittersweet Validation
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2018, 05:31:40 PM »
Great on getting that satisfaction though. I doubt I'll get it though.

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Orthocone

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Re: Oh Bittersweet Validation
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2018, 05:23:13 PM »
Thank you, everyone.  I did go ahead and post a comment agreeing that the manager, if it's the same one who was still there when I was there, definitely has an attitude problem.  I almost wrote "but that was three years ago, it'd be a shame if that guy was still in a management position" but I didn't go that far.   ;D

Idiotic, I've read about your experiences and I'm so sorry you've been through that.  An experience like that is incredibly stressful so I get it.  Do you have anybody in person to talk to about this?  I didn't really at first but it does help.  Not having the validation from my own family (as they were the same way obviously) was quite stressful for me as well.  Here in the states, those websites like Glassdoor and Indeed can be a good way to get a feel for a company before working there.  If it's an option you could consider posting your experience on there, as prospective employees really appreciate truthful posts such as that.  But doing so can be intimidating, particularly if you need them for a job reference and/or they gave you the impression that they tried to fix it.  (The owner of this place had moved me to days, gave me my own parking space at one point, and said he would deal with the situation when it happened, which stopped the guy for a time but ultimately didn't solve the problem.)   He should've and could've done more. 

Helpmeplease, sorry to hear about your experience at the school.  It's sadly one of the higher professions of known workplace bullying, which is why it's so much harder to tackle schoolyard bullying. 

Clara, I never thought of it that way, but it does seem to be the case.  Of course I do think some PDs work hard to keep it that way.  A former BPD friend of mine, enjoyed being the ringleader of sorts, the connection box of everybody else.  I remember a few times people in her outer clique wanting to get together with me, and it was just so odd to think of doing it without her, like they were all her friends and she "owned" them or something.

She also liked being in charge also, being the one who set fads, paved the way, etc. for all of us.  It was cool in high school when she was rebelling against stupid junk going on in our school, but became way less that way as an adult when it became clear that she refused to see that all of us were on our own paths and that's what ultimately makes us individually great. 

My BPD/N mother was the same way; held all the connections.  Her one great-aunt also  held the connections in her FOO and the other great-aunt was a SG.  I remember my mother once in awhile trying to get me to email/talk to these people and I just had no interest.  I knew something was wrong with them but for years couldn't really put my finger on it.