Cost??

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11JB68

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Cost??
« on: September 19, 2018, 11:46:04 PM »
Another question....does anyone Care to share what it cost to go through the divorce process? I'm seeing anywhere from $5000 to $40000!! With probably a somewhat realistic estimate of about 15000....?

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2018, 12:13:05 AM »
Mine cost $4k. We didnít go to court and my ex didnít get an attorney.

It depends on how much they drag it out. My ex wasnít in a position to and I made it very clear that it would not be worth his while if he fought me. I was lucky and got off lightly. Itís crazy how expensive it is.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2018, 12:16:11 AM »
Mine was inexpensive, because I mostly did it myself.  I did speak to a lawyer a few times and I paid her for those consultations but she did not actually represent me in the divorce.  So attorney fees of less than $1,000, maybe $250 for filing fees, and maybe $50 or so for incidental expenses, such as copying and printing documents and mailing things to my then-husband. I decided to skip getting a professional assessment of the house, and my husband was okay with that.  I filed in mid-December and the divorce was finalized at the end of May the next year. 

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2018, 03:12:39 AM »
My uNPD exH filed so I don't actually know how much it cost.  I'm in Australia.

But it's the ongoing costs of dealing with some pds that we need to budget for.

The divorce, court orders etc plus other legal and mediation costs (not to mention counselling!) since, has cost me about $30,000 at a rough estimate.

AOD

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Whiteheron

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2018, 01:36:41 PM »
Oh my, I'm at $40,000+ and counting. Most of it eaten up by frivolous court motions and the psych evaluation. We aren't even close to being done. It's been just over a year and a half since I filed.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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11JB68

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2018, 02:36:15 PM »
30k??? 40k???
This is one reason I haven't left yet...
Can't afford that......
👿😢

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blunk

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2018, 02:50:29 PM »
I was able to get through my divorce without a lawyer, because my x was crying poor and honestly I was willing to agree with what he wanted just to be done with it. So I paid the filing fee of (I believe it was about) $350, and paid the Marshall $75 to serve him the paperwork.

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2018, 06:45:40 PM »
I will say that it depends on who you choose to represent and advise you.

You could go the free route with legal aid or you could go with the high enders.

Personally, I feel you get what you pay for  and with pds it's worth forking out the money. (Or it should be!)

I've found that as I've become stronger I've started to use my solicitor for advice and have managed to do most of the legwork myself, thereby cutting costs.

AOD

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dck133

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2018, 07:06:15 PM »
really depends on your situation. No kids and no assets here and ex wanted out. Cost me around $2000.

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20yrsofcrazy

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2018, 12:59:31 AM »
Not sure yet but one law firm I checked with about a possibly contentious divorce with children wanted a $3500 retainer and the one I've actually had a consult with wants $2500 retainer.   Obviously,  it goes up if my stbx wants to contest anything.  So...yeah it depends on the situation.   

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smicha3

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2018, 01:24:45 PM »
Depends. I paid an5,000 retainer. Mine is contested, children involved as well as restraining & protective orders. Heís said his retainer is 3,500. In my case with the protective orders the judge is making him responsible for a portion of my retainer. Iím hoping he realizes heís going to be better off mediating and saves us some $ in the long run.

With kids and his uBPD, the lawyer has been a lifesaver. She saw his crazy and had him pegged by the end of our first consultation.

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11JB68

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2018, 05:40:53 PM »
Thanks everyone for your honest input.
I've made an appointment for Wednesday for another consult with a different attorney. (last one was in April). I figured rather than just bring my follow up questions to the first one, I'll go to a different one now that I have info/addl questions etc.
I feel 'scared' even taking the step to meet/consult/get info.
If uPDh knew I was doing this he would FLIP.
But it's peace of mind for me. I need to feel that IF the day comes that I feel I need to leave or it is time...then I need to have 'done my homework' and not just walk out unprepared...

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elly87

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2018, 05:49:32 PM »
mine took 3.5 years, no assets, 2 kids. i spent 30,000. I will be spending 5,000 on a new retainer this fall because he is going for 50/50 custody while violating our agreement (the one that took 30,000 to complete) and lying about his income to avoid paying child support after this year. needless to say my dream of home ownership is lightyears away at this point.

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Liftedfog

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2018, 08:51:16 PM »
I'm at 120,000 and still ongoing almost 5 years later.    I have kids and property with him.  But it's dragging because of my expdh.  He changed lawyers 8 times.  It doesn't end. 

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11JB68

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2018, 12:40:33 AM »
120,000?????
I just can't...
Good grief...

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2nice

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2018, 02:16:40 AM »
Oh my goodness. I've represented myself thus far. No cost. Moving was my cost.

I flipped it with first husband. He wouldn't divorce u til he wanted to remarry to keep syour me I'd in the country so I Charged him $500 to sign the papers. Then I split it he cash between the kids and we all went shopping!

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Whiteheron

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2018, 09:05:43 AM »
120,000?????
I just can't...
Good grief...

 :yeahthat:
and my stbx is similar in a lot of ways to Lifted's...I'm hoping like heck it doesn't get that far! So far he's stuck with his initial L, but who knows what he'll do next?
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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dck133

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2018, 05:50:34 PM »
120,000?????
I just can't...
Good grief...

 :yeahthat:
and my stbx is similar in a lot of ways to Lifted's...I'm hoping like heck it doesn't get that far! So far he's stuck with his initial L, but who knows what he'll do next?

If you don't have any kids or assets - or don't care about the assets then you can walk away and it would cost less. Just sign whatever he wants and it is done. But once you have kids or assets you can't walk away from then it make sit harder to just throw up your hands and say whatever. 120,000 is a LOT of money. I am glad my ex found someone new he wanted to be with so was willing to walk. and also didn't care about anything (although now he is regretting it and telling me I fucked him over. should have thought of that before you walked away)

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11JB68

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2018, 05:56:20 PM »
well, we have assets. And uPDh is self-employed. And he makes less than I do, so I've been told I will likely have to pay support. AND we have a DS21 who is in school and we committed to helping him with school and have all 3 names on loans, so that has to be figured out. And my name is first on the loans, so I can't walk away and have no money to pay those. Of course PDs are unpredictable, and yet in some ways VERY predictable. I have fears about how uPDh may react if/when I file. There are a couple of very possible options - 1) he could become severely depressed, possibly suicidal, or physically ill - which could result in either him 'throwing in the towel'/not caring/not fighting OR he could become 'unable' to work/file paperwork/follow through etc.; 2) he could react with extreme anger/vindictiveness; 3) he could surprise us all and behave 'normally' and do what needs to be done and move on...

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sad_dog_mommy

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Re: Cost??
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2018, 09:40:53 PM »
I have fears about how uPDh may react if/when I file. There are a couple of very possible options - 1) he could become severely depressed, possibly suicidal, or physically ill - which could result in either him 'throwing in the towel'/not caring/not fighting OR he could become 'unable' to work/file paperwork/follow through etc.; 2) he could react with extreme anger/vindictiveness; 3) he could surprise us all and behave 'normally' and do what needs to be done and move on..

The fear of the unknown and all the things I imagined he might do caused me to postpone the break-up.   To be honest I dragged my feet far too long.   

My mind went into overdrive trying to predict his possible reaction(s) and how I would handle the fallout.   It turns out, when I finally pulled the trigger he was soooo worried about what other people would think (friends, neighbors & co-workers) that he acted like a meek little lamb who claimed he was taken by surprise.   We were not married and did not have the financial ties that you have but after living together for almost 10 years there were loose ends that needed to be wrapped up.  He made no waves and thankfully went away quietly.   My hope for you is the same thing happens in your situation but no matter what happens, you are going to be OK in the long run.   
Sometimes you donít realize youíre actually drowning when you are trying to be everyone elseís anchor.   

Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

Unconditional love doesn't mean you have to unconditionally accept bad behavior.