I'd never done the actual math before.......

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Liketheducks

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I'd never done the actual math before.......
« on: September 25, 2018, 05:51:37 PM »
I don't know why it's taken me 50 years to look at this.  Seriously, just took it all on face value.  All my life, I was told by my mother that my mother missed a full ride scholarship and had to marry my father because I was conceived during a date rape.  AND that also her father died the night my father asked him for her hand in marriage.     I always assumed that he died right before they married...because I was always told that they married when they knew they'd be having me.
Was stumbling around on ancestry.com and came across my grandfather's obit.   I don't know why I never considered the dates of all this stuff before.   She graduated high school in spring '66.   He died April '67.  They married Jan. 68 and I was born in June 68.   
She didn't go to college right after high school on a full ride scholarship.   NPDad, challenged as he is, was talking marriage long before I was conceived.  Not negating that it could have been a date rape.   They sound like two troubled teens.    But, NONE of this was my fault.   None of it.   Granted, they were babies and they had NO business making a family together with their various and sundry issues.  BUT, I'm not the reason she didn't fulfill her dreams.  She is...full stop.   I don't know why, but seeing the dates on paper just gives me a little bit of relief. 

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Thru the Rain

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Re: I'd never done the actual math before.......
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2018, 07:25:12 PM »
My uPDM takes similar liberties with dates - and it seems to be with the goal of making her life more dramatic. Even when faced with evidence that her dates are off (sometimes waaay off) her response is a very waify "that's how I remember it".

She also told me and my siblings all the things she COULD have done if only she hadn't had kids - and going to college was top of the list. I swear there's a playbook.  :roll:


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LSK1999

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Re: I'd never done the actual math before.......
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2018, 11:57:24 PM »
I am always in awe of my NM's talent of rewriting history. I recently realized for the first time with the help of my father that my mother left my father for another man and moved him in not long after my father moved out. She tells it like she divorced my father because he was abusive  :aaauuugh: if you knew my NM and my F you would know that was a ridiculous projection.....she was and still is an abuser. Point is she played martyr to all that would listen and now going back and sort of reconstructing my reality and finally getting some truth from my F she was having an affair with 2 men. She ended the marriage, because she claimed to be in love with one of them. Yet for years this woman told anyone that would listen that she left an abusive husband, again if you met my F LOL...he's in fact incapable of standing up for himself or his own children yet he is an abuser  :stars: Yet the entire family fell for this and my NM was a poor victim....I think only a couple members of the family still believe this BS...her brother and sister. I wasted breath once trying to tell my uncle what he believed about her history was wrong and he said NOOO I remember the horrible things your father did. Of course he remembers being told about it and that's it. I am glad both of my siblings have assured me they have zero memory of my F ever harming them....she told us lie after lie and we believed her. Yeah the ability to just lie easily to create the reality they want to spin just infuriates me to no end.

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Liketheducks

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Re: I'd never done the actual math before.......
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2018, 10:54:40 AM »
My uPDM takes similar liberties with dates - and it seems to be with the goal of making her life more dramatic. Even when faced with evidence that her dates are off (sometimes waaay off) her response is a very waify "that's how I remember it".

She also told me and my siblings all the things she COULD have done if only she hadn't had kids - and going to college was top of the list. I swear there's a playbook.  :roll:

Playbook, exactly!