What We Say When We Talk to Ourselves

[openskyblue]

What We Say When We Talk to Ourselves by Shad Helmstetter

I've just started reading this book and am already being helped by putting some of the steps in the book into action. For someone like me, who has always carried around a negative sense of self (which was only concentrated from being married to a PD), learning how to be easier on myself has been very difficult. I'd begun to realize that the repetitive internal monologue fed a harmful negativity about myself. This book is helping change that.

Helmstetter uses actual psychological studies and brain science to explain how how we talk to ourselves (through our thoughts and actually talking to ourselves) creates ingrained negative thought patterns that we go back to over an over -- and that reinforce each other. By using affirmations, learning how to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, and practicing saying nice, generous, and kind messaging about yourself creates new, healthier thought patterns. Even spending one minute a day smiling helps.

For so many of us who are having a hard time shaking the effects of CPTSD and the negative and abusive messages we've absorbed over lifetimes and/or marriages, this book seems to have some good help in it.

[all4peace]

OSB, are you willing to share a few examples of changing negative to positive self-talk? I've seen this as a very important part of the therapeutic process and am intrigued.

[openskyblue]

Much of the positive self-talk approach is about turning the negative statement around to a positive one:

"I'm terrible with money." Vs "I manage my money well."

"I can't handle going to that party." Vs "I enjoy social events, but I'm feeling tired tonight."

"I can't face another day of stress." Vs "This is going to be a great day."

At first it feels weird to reconfigure these self-talk statements like this, kind of over the top positive. However the point of this is to pull your brain out of the negative neural pathways that negative thinking has put us in. In many instances, we believe the negative thing because it's been repeated to us so many times by parents, spouses, teachers, and ourselves. That doesn't make the negative thought any more true than the positive one — just more entrenched.

I've been practicing this method by listening to an affirmation podcast on making a new beginning, deserving a new life and clean slate. I listen to this 7 minute podcast 2-3 times a day. After a week, I'm noticing that I'm thinking less about my exhusband and the negative things he said to me about myself (especially "You'll never make it without me.) I'll keep up this practice another month and reassess, but I do think it's working.

[all4peace]

Thanks for sharing. I'm in love with podcasts. It's fun to find out they even have podcasts for affirmations!

I have found brain and neural research fascinating for healing and change.

[openskyblue]

I really like Josie Ong's affirmation pod. (There's a free podcast version with ads, but I decided to pay for the ad free version.)  I'm working my way through the "change and moving on" series and really like them.

http://www.affirmationpod.com

[all4peace]

Have some loading right now 🙂

[Psuedonym]

Thanks for this book recommendation, openskyblue. I'm reading it now and find it fascinating. The most enlightening concept I've come across so far is that your brain is like a computer in that it has no idea if what you're telling yourself is true or not, it just acts on the information you give it. Great read.

[openskyblue]

Yeah, I was fascinated by that too. Still am!

This makes so much sense to me, the garbage in, garbage out concept. Makes sense that we become what the inputs are.