Queen Athaliah in the Bible

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Queen Athaliah in the Bible
« on: October 13, 2018, 06:49:18 PM »
Yesterday I was praying in my room, while resting for a minute after work. I was asking God if I am off base or what is going on with my BPDm. I have been really thinking lately about how she is not only treating me, but also treating my children. I was asking him why she is not more nurturing to my kids, how it seems like our nature to be kind and sweet to grandchildren. But she is harsh with them, and hurtful. They are noticing it, and they don't want to be around her.

As I was praying, the name "Athaliah" popped into my head. I remembered that she was a Queen of Judah in 2 Kings 11. I remembered that she killed all of her grandchildren (except for one who was secretly hidden in the temple of God), so that she could rule as Queen.

Now my BPDm is not trying to literally KILL me or my children. But I do believe that she is seriously intending to "kill" anything in us that does not please her. Anything that does not submit to her as Queen, as the authority. In order to RULE as QUEEN over us, my BPDm is willing to destroy parts of who we are.

Her influence is destructive.

It may be seen trough her relentlessly nitpicking my children over how they eat french fries, or whether or not they sit in the right seat at her house, or calling them stupid if she thinks they are not respectful enough. Whatever displeases her, she must kill. She will not stop, until we fully submit to her authority. But no matter what we do, no matter how good we try to be, there will always be more that she tries to destroy. She will never stop nitpicking.

I just wanted to share this, because it felt like it applied to my life and I don't know if anyone else would relate. Bless you all.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill



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Re: Queen Athaliah in the Bible
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2018, 07:03:06 PM »
Oh Dinah, what a painful realization that must have been! I hope you can protect your children from your mother and I am sad that you have to.



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Re: Queen Athaliah in the Bible
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2018, 07:11:18 AM »
This comparison makes a lot of sense--we have new names for things that have been going on a loooong time. Thanks for sharing!
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. (Isaiah 54:5)



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Re: Queen Athaliah in the Bible
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2018, 01:08:56 PM »
Dinah, this makes me so sad, because I had a mother like yours. I never had children, but I did get to experience her though her other grandchildren. Their parents, gratefully, helped them get some boundaries and so, although they loved my mother, they did often make comments and jokes about her kind of strange and often really violating behaviors.

I don't think it is in  "the nature" of a PD to be kind and nurturing to anyone, unless that person is useful to them (or at least in my personal experience) so I wouldn't expect that. I learned with my M that the less I had expectations of her, the happier I was around her. I learned (after many years, and even before I was truly OOTF and aware of what she was) that talking to her would usually mean hateful, blurted-out, really useless comments about my hair, clothes, whatever, so I would try to have a response ready or do something to immediately put her off keel. (Hard to do, she was very creative with her abuses.) Take her flowers or a new houseplant, for instance, (she was extremely narcissistic, so that kind of made it easier), anything that would distract her from what she was going to focus on - which was criticizing me. She was bizarrely hypervigilant about looking for "traps" to catch me in, too, sometimes so over the top, I eventually learned to laugh - in her presence - about them.

With little ones, it is so, so hard, but I think that as I learned this, my two sisters were doing the same and watching that interaction with our M was enough to help my nieces and nephew to understand - not that we didn't love her - just that she shouldn't be doing those things - a "sympathetic witness" I think it is called. It really worked, too. My generation is much more messed up than the nieces and nephew are.  :-\ But seems to have really helped them.

"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."