NC PD parents ideas about your NC

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betta fish

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #40 on: January 07, 2019, 03:34:31 PM »
My uBPDmom says I was brainwashed.  That is her go to excuse, according to her I have been brainwashed by my teachers, my friends, my family, my therapist, my father...  Apparently, I can be brainwashed by everyone, anywhere. Any thoughts, ideas and feelings that are not in line with hers, I was brainwashed.  If we disagree, it's because I was brainwashed.   

ďStepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.Ē
― Maya Angelou

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Twinkletoes88

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #41 on: March 19, 2019, 01:11:27 PM »
Late to the party but was searching the term "love bombing" and this came up!

Was very interesting to read.

My NPDm says a combination of the following:

1) I am "mental" and "need sectioning;
2) My husband is controlling and manipulating me;
3) I am stuck in the past;
4) I need to "move on"; and the latest one...
5) We just have different views, but that is just life.

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blacksheep7

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #42 on: March 19, 2019, 01:59:11 PM »
Late also,
I don't know what they say but I do know that they always used to say 'blacksheep7' is angry.  I was known to always be angry.  I was outspoken and opinionated and did not accept BS.  That was never permitted if it was negative to NF and NM.

My narc M used to often say that I was always bringing up the past.

« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 02:02:59 PM by blacksheep7 »
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Twinkletoes88

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #43 on: March 19, 2019, 07:10:10 PM »
Late also,
I don't know what they say but I do know that they always used to say 'blacksheep7' is angry.  I was known to always be angry.  I was outspoken and opinionated and did not accept BS.  That was never permitted if it was negative to NF and NM.

My narc M used to often say that I was always bringing up the past.

Eugh!!! You know I only lost my temper twice with my NPDm in my life and now my entire FOO say I am a loose cannon and that they feel on eggshells around me because of my anger.... pffftttt!


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Orangeblossom77

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #44 on: March 20, 2019, 09:00:56 AM »
The worst thing is they can try and influence others with their thoughts and false interpretations. I had other family question me about husband being controlling and asking about my friends and job. I'm not working at the moment but that is not due to him. I think she would prefer it if that was the case as would be an explanation for her. She even shouted at him once 'she's my daughter' as if that should be her place not his... :blink:

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #45 on: March 20, 2019, 09:13:46 AM »
LOL Twinkletoes! My uNMIL has said the same thing about walking on eggshells around me. Iíve never so much as raised my voice to her. I think they are afraid of us, though. Not because of our anger (hah!) but perhaps because we have some boundaries, some power. They have to work to manipulate us. And itís not guaranteed to work. We require serious strategy. Hence, eggshells.

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Sunny_day

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #46 on: March 20, 2019, 05:47:48 PM »
I imagine, based on the past experience, I am a mentally unstable, angry, oversensitive adult child with a manipulating loser husband who is after their money. It may involve a degree of seriously paranoid thinking I am missing due to nc.

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Twinkletoes88

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #47 on: March 20, 2019, 07:06:47 PM »
LOL Twinkletoes! My uNMIL has said the same thing about walking on eggshells around me. Iíve never so much as raised my voice to her. I think they are afraid of us, though. Not because of our anger (hah!) but perhaps because we have some boundaries, some power. They have to work to manipulate us. And itís not guaranteed to work. We require serious strategy. Hence, eggshells.

HA!!! YESSSS Cordelia!

This made me laugh out loud when I read it. I agree! Absolutely. Funny you should say this, because I know this sounds really big-headed and arrogant, but I was only thinking the other day that I FEEL stronger than her somehow. Like I feel that she knows it too - and I canít quite put that into words. Itís like she doesnít know me and so she has no idea what she can and canít do and say and sheís not sure how Iíll react. So I suppose she probably does feel like sheís walking on egg-shells but thatís her own fault after years of abusing me. Sounds similar with your situation. How the worm(s) have turned!

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #48 on: March 21, 2019, 05:05:43 AM »
Not arrogant at all! Iíve read enough about your mother to assure you that ďstronger than herĒ is setting the bar very low indeed. Good on you for being able to feel it!  :cheer:

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blacksheep7

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #49 on: March 21, 2019, 12:15:14 PM »
Quote: still don't know how to do it the proper way. lol

Eugh!!! You know I only lost my temper twice with my NPDm in my life and now my entire FOO say I am a loose cannon and that they feel on eggshells around me because of my anger.... pffftttt!

I understand you Twinkletoes88.  I was not any angry person.  I am known to have a nice personality, easy to get along.   It was just my discontent of the dysfunction that I was expressing.  I did lose it once or twice with NM, just before nc. 

Cordelia & Twinkletoes88  :cheer:

I'm pretty sure my NM doesn't even try to contact me because she is afraid of me now. 

I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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KeepingMyBlue

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #50 on: March 22, 2019, 02:11:22 PM »
LOL!
Eggshells and strategy, because it doesn't occur to them to treat us like a person instead of a pet.

My one cat gets squirrely, and I ask her What will make you happy right now? Yeah, I treat my cat better than my own mother treated me.

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Yael924

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #51 on: March 24, 2019, 06:04:38 PM »
Late to the party...

Instead of me being the victim of assault, I am the perpetrator.  But that is only among the parents and siblings.

To everyone else, I'd bet the farm they pretend we are still in touch. Mostly because anybody who knows me and my folks would immediately know who was the whupper and who was the whupped.

But bottom line -- this cover story means that she will never get help and it keeps my FOO sufficiently enraged, making it unsafe for me to get near them. So she keeps her secrets, and I am exiled.

Not a bad trade; I'll take it.   8-)

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fixingtofix

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #52 on: March 27, 2019, 03:58:17 PM »
I'm fairly certain my family thinks I'm VLC because my husband is an abusive jerk who controls me.

I'm not sure what they tell other people though. I went to a funeral last year for a cousin and no one seemed to notice anything off. My sister refused to talk to me though, that was a nice blessing  ;D

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smarty

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Re: NC PD parents ideas about your NC
« Reply #53 on: March 27, 2019, 07:20:11 PM »
I canít be sure about the entire story she tells, but as you OP, I know she for sure is emphasizing that I cannot Ďget overí one very serious incident from my childhood she is very guilty of. She says I am unforgiving, angry, want Ďrevengeí on her, am immature etc
Iíve explained in writing and verbally to her that it is much more than that incident and that her overall behavior and treatment of her kids is negative  and that this is not in the distant past but very much in the present.
In one ear out the other...she is a Ďdifferent personí (she believes) than the mother she was and if I canít see that and give her another chance itís because Iím angry and vengeful....oooookay lady, whatever helps you sleep at night I guess!