My fall from "grace"

[momnthefog]

Well....it's come full circle (again).

I sent my usual cards once a month to grand child....which prompted her to call her brother...which prompted him to say something like, regardless of the relationship you and mom have....grandchild and mom should have their own separate relationship based on their history.

Good news is that I will have grandchild this spring break and will visit her next month.

I hate the drama that BPD causes in lives....but I'm grateful that I understand my BPDd better.  I will still keep my guard up and use grey rock, not share about other family members, etc....but I'd walk over hot coals to spend time with my grand child.....before long spending time with me won't be cool. 

momnthefog

[xredshoesx]

momnthefog,

best news i've heard all day. 

[hhaw]

momnthefog:

I don't know how you managed it, but I'm glad you have time planned with your grandchild.  WHOO HOO!  That's terrific to read: )

[practical]

So happy for you!

As much as the cycle sucks when it spins downwards, the good thing is it also comes back up again. Enjoy this time, the more you can build an independent relationship with your granddaughter the better and the less your D will have an influence over it long term.

before long spending time with me won't be cool. 

I thought only parents get uncool    , and at that moment grandparents can become particularly cool and important as an anchor.

[bloomie]

Your gentle persistence and continuing the tradition of staying in touch with your grandchild have paid off. Thankful you will have precious time together over the Spring break!

[momnthefog]

Well, I'm back in the dog house (again).

This time it's over my "preferential" treatment of son's gf and their baby. 

I was informed last night via txt that following grandchild's visit this summer for 4 weeks (one of which I'm paying for a pricey camp that mom wanted), BPDd will cut off contact with me since I adopted her and then abandoned her.  Funny that I'm not so bad that she is refusing her daughter the opportunity to visit.

I just can not win....the sad part is I knew this was coming.  I knew that BPDd would rage again.  In the past month she was fired.....fought tooth and nail with unemployment commission to get unemployment....raged to me how she was going to make the employer "pay" for firing her and on and on and on.  She and her bf are moving and no one wants to take a day off from work and drive 4 hours to help them move (duh....can't you find someone locally?) and bf's wife is apparently trying to reconcile (yeah....the bf twice her age who left his wife and kids for a newer model).

And to top it all off, she sent a group msg to all her brothers and sisters saying that mom will probably misconstrue this but you are welcome to visit me and niece any time.  Not sure anyone will ever take her up on that one....and I'll get to be blamed for ruining her relationship with them as well.

I honestly think her BPD is getting worse (the cycles are coming very close together) and the rage in her txt msgs is so intense.

I hate to say this, but the relationship with my grandchild is not worth this level of stress, drama, and dysfunction.

momnthefog

[xredshoesx]

momnthefog i'm so so sorry. 

[hhaw]

I'm so sorry to hear that,  momnthefog. 

Sorry for you, your dd, and esp your grandchild.