I'm so sorry, Stasia!

Personally, I would NOT write back - especially if you think it will fall on deaf eyes, so to speak.

Your statement might only enrage her, and get her back into that, "You think YOU have problems!? Put 30 years on you and see how you do!" mindset (Witch) and you *really* don't want that - because if she wasn't coming, your statement might prompt her to act.

I'd stick with radio silence and *really* take in that
yes, you're *right* - things have probably gone from bad to worse over there, she's running out of people she can use, and she thinks ONE love bomb will just erase *the entire past* - and contact from her won't be a trickle here or there, it'll be like a dam burst, with a nonstop *deluge* of her needs and wants.

Again - you're right. She didn't say, "I'm sorry I hurt you."
She didn't apologize for a thing or acknowledge she can be difficult, problematic - or say she's going to T, taking meds, seeing a doctor for her health problems - anything that would lead you to believe there's a possibility for her to make positive changes in her life.
Because she *can't* and honestly doesn't think she did anything wrong - or is doing anything wrong now, by repeating the same patterns over and over - that's a person you can't have a relationship with, because it's completely one-sided. She is always the wronged party, and you have nothing to complain about.

I *love* that little, "I'll never stop believing in you" bit and couldn't help but roll my eyes all the way to Alaska.
You know what she hasn't stopped believing in, when it comes to you? That you'll embrace her insanity, move in with her, see to all her endless needs, and care for a bajillion feral and semi-feral cats in her hoarded-up, flea-infested home, while she sits on the floor and dictates your every action, screaming for you to do SOMETHING - but not allowing you to really DO anything!

*That's* what she still believes in.
She believes you'll fall back on your programming and she'll win - that's all.
That's what she really hasn't stopped believing in.
She has made her own messes, and can figure out how to clean them up, without your help.

I don't understand what she thinks you can "fix" because she won't listen to reason.

I'm sorry to hear about your BF having a test, and hope the results show he's in good health - or if there is a problem, it's a small, manageable one.

I'm going to freak you out in a good way about caregiving for a *normal person* - just to put your mind at ease.

I just did this with my own DH, in May - he had bilateral inguinal hernias that had to be repaired, because they just don't go away on their own.
It was basically like he had the flu for a week, but had to use a cane, and had to sleep sitting up for several days. DH followed doctor's orders, got up, moved around, and didn't want to be fussed over - but if he was feeling particularly sore or stiff and asked me to get something, he always said, "Please" and "thank you."

DH *wanted* to get well - the worst part of the whole thing was the day of withdrawal he went through when he stopped taking the hydrocodone - he'd taken less than *half* the script, started getting kind of grumpy 48 hours later (I put it down to cabin fever), and the next day, it was full on puking and migraines, followed by 12 hours of sleep - and then he was fine.

But I know why - I looked it up. DH had been eating citrus while taking it, which is something you *really* shouldn't do, because it does something that makes your body more receptive to becoming addicted - you'd have to look it up, and when you read it, you'll say, "OH! Got it!"

That's the only thing I'd do differently: if hydrocodone is going to be involved, *citrus is bad, m'kay?*

But overall, we put the whole thing down to, "Well, that happened."

Your BF is *not* your mom. He's *not* going to Waif out on you, sit on the floor and wail like a banshee. He'll be interested in recovering and getting back to normal - and *not stressing you out.*

No - I don't think the man in your life will be very happy to see you worried, stressed, or doing more work around the house, to take up his slack, if he's anything like my DH.
I think I can safely say that as worried as you are about being a caregiver to him, he's just as worried, because he doesn't want you to be in that position. He also doesn't want to be in the position to need a caregiver - and I think most normal, reasonable, rational people feel the same way.

It's *not* the same as your parents - you won't be *trapped* and unable to leave.
With a little luck, you'll both be like DH and me, and a few months later, you'll both shrug and say, "Well, that happened."

And I think you'll say the same thing, about your mom, as more time goes by and her card becomes a footnote, and starts resonating with you more as, "Jesus, lady - give it a freaking break. You're not fooling anybody."

With both situations - you've GOT this!

And if at any time, you feel like you don't - please post!

I think the card was just a fishing expedition and nothing will come of it - and I hope your BF gets good news.

Believe it or not, you're going to be okay.
