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lincoe

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1st time poster
« on: January 11, 2019, 03:34:29 PM »
Hi. I'm not sure why I'm posting today-I visited this forum before over the last two years. I think I need to see the words of my relationship, take accountability and take responsibility for where I am and where I go. Long story short: I'm in a 15 yr relationship (married for 14 yrs) to my partner, have two kids, recently moved to US for 'new start' after I left due to continuation of physical violence (after 1st kid). I'm sat at work, fuming because of an early morning argument and my husband's threat to NOT look after the kids as I have a business trip. He's done this before, I called his bluff and cancelled the trip. I'm not doing this again. We live separate lives in essence, mainly communicate via email/text. The closest I've come to getting a divorce is calling a few lawyers for their fees. I've talked to my therapist about why I can't commit to taking this step. I'm scared that it will get worse before it gets better, I have no family support here.

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coyote

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Re: 1st time poster
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2019, 04:16:09 PM »
Lincoe,
Welcome to OOTF. It is a hard situation especially when kids are involved and you have no other family support here. Anytime physical violence is involved there is a chance of escalation and someone getting hurt. This can be especially true when separation starts to occur. There are several links on the site here on how to stay safe during a separation. Look at those and study the Toolbox. It has a lot of Tools to help deal with the dysfunction. You will find a lot of support on the boards also. I'm sorry you need us but glad you found us.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

Choose not to be harmed and you wonít feel harmed. Donít feel harmed and you havenít been. -Marcus Aurelius

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Starboard Song

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Re: 1st time poster
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 09:21:23 AM »
Welcome to Out of the FOG.

In your last lines I hear a little anguish: why can I not commit?

It is worth hearing someone say it: this is hard. Really hard. What you are facing is not run of the mill trouble and challenge. Going slow or struggling to take steps isn't failure.

As coyote says, there are important resources here to help you, and your safety is always important. While processing, be kind to yourself.

Good luck.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward