Degrees of anger

[11JB68]

Updm used to say she was 'livid'.
Must have been fairly often since I remember it so well.
Not just annoyed, or mad, but livid.
Wow.
Updh just actually sent an email to someone explaining/defining levels of anger...highest for him arms to be 'bullshit' (sometimes shortened to bull), which again I've witnessed many times...

[ICantThinkOfAName]

My uBPDh claims he is usually never more than irritated. I would describe it more as hostile.   But he does describe his worst as infuriated.   And I would say it's more like blind rage.

[bruceli]

For mine, and others that I  have encountered, it would be "DONE", as in I'm done! That word usually means the flip into dysregulation that there is no coming back from. The devaluing and or silent treatment could be a couple of days to a year and a half. Depending on, and I quote, "the amount of punishment I feel you deserve".

[Wilderhearts]

The uOCPD I knew described her menacing-level anger (as in when she'd start to use physical intimidation) as "mild irritation."  Because, you know, OCPDs are capable of nothing other than Perfectly Rational behaviour 

[findjoy81]

My ex didn't describe his anger, but expressed it....
It always seemed to be the same level of anger, whether for a small slight or a major issue.

I remember the one time I did something truly awful, that was deserving of that level of anger... and as I watched him respond thinking, "wow... this is the first time his reaction actually matches what I did..." Which rather than making me feel bad for the bad thing I did, it made me feel even more how unjustly I had been treated previously.

[clara]

I wonder if this difficulty with their "anger metrics" is because they often don't feel normal anger.  Since it's a manipulation, designed to control, they pull "anger" out of their bag of tricks when they feel its use might be appropriate--which is why so often it isn't, it just seems weird and over-the-top. 

[sevenyears]

My uOCPD almost xH says he doesn't get angry - he is just communicating. Nor does he yell or shout - he just speaks to me succinctly and clearly. 

[Wilderhearts]

My uOCPD almost xH says he doesn't get angry - he is just communicating. Nor does he yell or shout - he just speaks to me succinctly and clearly. 

Sevenyears, the OCPD I had the misfortune to encounter also referred to her rages as "communicating."  They are communicating, in a way, but it's not respectful it's abusive, and as Clara said, it's a manipulation.

I don't think they have the awareness of how deep their anger is - I read this incredible thing by Gabor Mate: "Emotion II comprises our emotional displays as seen by others, with or without our awareness.  It is signalled though body language - "non-verbal signals, mannerisms, tone of voices, gestures, facial expression...often outside the awareness of the participants" It is quite common for a person to be oblivious to the emotions he is communicating, even though they are clearly read by those around him.  Our expressions of Emotion II are what most affect other people, regardless of our intentions." - from When the Body Says No: The cost of hidden stress.

The book also describes how, because anger can threaten relationships, it causes anxiety.  This anger-anxiety mix, when the person remains unaware of it, can result in either repression or, you guessed it, rage.