A new attempt

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Gromit

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A new attempt
« on: January 20, 2019, 01:19:54 PM »
I think my enF's last attempt was to ask me if I even wanted to know if they died?
Now he has emailed to say it is their wedding anniversary, 55 years, and it has made him think of the past.
Nothing else, nothing specific about the past.

Of course, I knew it was their anniversary, it is days from my sister's birthday. I wonder if my enF knows when my anniversary is? For the wedding he chose not to attend, without ever explaining why.

I wonder which bit of the past he is thinking of, the last 55 years, the previous 27? Perhaps wondering what he has missed in my life? I doubt that, he doesn't actually ask about me.

I have these questions, but I will not respond, I just need to voice them somewhere safe.

What is the point of these messages? To get a response? For what? I stopped responding when I realised nothing would change, I would not get what I needed.

Even my MIL asked why he would do such a thing? Send me a message, that is. I don't want to be as vague as he is. I want to know things, specific things, not be brushed off with platitudes.
G

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: A new attempt
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2019, 02:28:40 AM »
These odd reaching out messages are strange, aren't they?

My sibling has been NC for probably 20 or so years and still receives similar messages. Sometimes the messages from my uPDmom are more angry in nature. As if those messages are going to open up the lines of communication? I don't get it. My sibling reads and deletes or reads and rips up those that come in the mail. My mom has stalked this sibling through a few different moves in three different states. I guess she doesn't get the message that this sibling has no interest in communicating. 
:stars:

I'm sorry this keeps happening to you Gromit.


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daughter

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Re: A new attempt
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2019, 11:41:30 AM »
My NBM and enNF expected ME to arrange celebration of their wedding anniversaries, with restaurant dinner, flowers, gift, and card as stated expectations, whether 25th anniversary, or any year hence.  As an adult, my parents' anniversary typically cost me at least $150 each year, even in the 80s.  For my own wedding, my parents threatened to not attend unless all their expectation-demands were met, and saddled me with significant amount of costs, even though they generated 75% of invitation list.  Curiously, I've subsequently received only one anniversary card, in 25 years of marriage.  (And only because NBM saw anniversary card from MIL, who reliably sends us one every year).  No acknowledgement of our anniversary.  Nary a call, certainly no card, never a gift or flowers or dinner, despite that annual enforced obligation.  And enNF would CALL each year, to confirm that arrangements were made, restaurant reservation, flowers, and wrapped present ready.  What's good for the goose, apparently doesn't apply to the gander, at least not in my FOO Family.


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SunnyMeadow

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Re: A new attempt
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2019, 01:03:33 PM »
No acknowledgement of our anniversary.  Nary a call, certainly no card, never a gift or flowers or dinner, despite that annual enforced obligation.  And enNF would CALL each year, to confirm that arrangements were made, restaurant reservation, flowers, and wrapped present ready.  What's good for the goose, apparently doesn't apply to the gander, at least not in my FOO Family.

Wow, just when I think I've heard it all!  :no:

daughter, I feel bad that you've had to endure this for all these years

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Gromit

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Re: A new attempt
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2019, 03:48:00 PM »
Wow, Daughter, why would they expect you to foot the bill for their anniversary? How bizarre. At least mine didn't make demands about my wedding, they just wouldn't attend.