A close call

[bookend]

Hi there.  I hardly ever post here nowadays, but was quite active about five years back when I came to the devastating realization in my late 30's that my mother was probably a combination of NPD and BPD.  I am still trying to regain my sense of self and it's a very slow process.  Today, I logged in to share something that just happened to me because it may resonate with my fellow survivors who are also trying to become thrivers. 

So last December, work was driving me to exhaustion, so I decided to make an appointment at a chiropractic/massage clinic that offered 100-minute sessions.  It was my first time to go there.  And until this week, I continued to go on a weekly basis, so I guess I had like 8 sessions, with the same guy. 

Long story short, the guy turned out to be a NPD, and he was trying to hoover me the whole time, likely wanted to milk me for whatever money he could get out of me, or perhaps was even thinking about trying to have a relationship.  It's too exhausting for me to go into the minutiae of the process through which I came to this conclusion.  It would take over 5000 words, I'm sure.     

What I do want to put into words was how devastated and frustrated I was to find myself in the same dynamic as my childhood.  I guess I still carry some physical scars that enable NPDs to identify me as potential supply.  I still need to work on my self-esteem so that no NPD would even consider trying it on me!! 

However, I am also somewhat relieved to know that it didn't take long for me to realize what the guy was about.  I thought there was something off about him from the first session, though I could only confidently identify him as a NPD after my eighth and final session with him.  If I were truly emotionally healthy, I don't think I would have allowed him to touch me after the first session, but hey, it wasn't like I got sucked in totally either, which is likely what would have happened just a few years back.  So I have made some progress regarding maintaining healthy boundaries. 

He just called me on my mobile phone (at 8pm) probably because I didn't book my next appointment with him.  Ew!  Totally inappropriate as ostensibly, I am only a client and he is only a chiropractic.  I guess he was going to try and go for a kill, or something.     

Recovery is such a long, long process.  I am trying to relax and celebrate the progress that I do see in myself, though. 

Happy recovery, everyone! 

[bloomie]

Hi bookend - What a breach of trust and professional ethics you have encountered with this practitioner. I am so thankful you quickly recognized something was terribly off and have exited an unsafe situation. Predators like this, ime are testing the waters and are wolves in sheep's clothing which makes them very hard to identify early on. And ime, they will attempt to prey on anyone who is kind or that they are in a step up (doctor - patient) position with.

BRAVO to you for recognizing this behavior for what it is and protecting yourself. Your recovery work has really paid off.

And... it is disconcerting to say the least, to have an experience like this and I am really sorry you encountered this and thankful you came here for support and encouragement.

[Latchkey]

It's always disturbing when you encounter a PD and they are also a healing or medical practitioner. I don't think you should blame yourself in any way for completing the sessions esp since this person was working with you. Had you made a fuss you might have gotten someone different but no saying he/she would not have tried the same tactics as likely it is part of the corporate plan..Hindsight is 20/20. There are many PDs out there and I think it's nearly impossible to avoid them. As you go along you just get better at spotting them but it always takes some time to decide the best course of action and if this particular person is a danger to you in any way.

[bookend]

Hi Bloomie!  Thank you so much for your affirmation.  Although I don't come here too often, this site continues to be a safe haven for me, and I'm so thankful for the support that I get here.  I want to return the well wish to you.  You are so, so generous. 

And Latchkey, too! I am a very lucky girl to get not only one but two affirmative messages here.  I really mean it.   Out of all the things you could have chosen to do on the day that you wrote to me, I'm thankful that you chose to reach out to me.   

I think I am out of the woods with this guy, but just to share how it went after he called last night at 8pm, he called again at 12pm today, neither of which I answered.  And then about 5pm (my time---I live in Japan), he short messaged me twice, asking me to contact him to arrange for the next appointment since I had failed to book my usual slot.  I replied that 'due to my own circumstance, I no longer find it possible to continue with my therapy for the foreseeable future.  If I wish to resume therapy, I will contact you.'  And then he quickly replied 'Understood.' 

So that should do it.  I wanted to get him out of my life with the least possible fuss, so I ended it politely.  In any case, as soon as I got his reply message, I blocked him so even if he makes an attempt to hoover me again, I won't even know about it. 

Thank you again for the replies, thank you for maintaining this site, and have a wonderful day!