What affect does having been lied to for years have on you?

[Cascade]

Do you ever feel almost like you are becoming a little paranoid yourself, because your spouse has lied to you and mislead you and kept so many things from you? I've been dealing with this for over 25 years and hope it isn't becoming a real problem for me.  I still trust most of the people in my life and hope it won't get to the point where I start to doubt everyone.

[notrightinthehead]

I trust people until I have a reason not to. If I find out that someone has lied to me, I make a mental note of that and will not rely on their word unless confirmed by more reliable sources.

[Latchkey]

For me, the most insidious thing has been that I've learned the secrets behind the lies and that is what upsets me the most. This may not make sense in light of your question--- but lies in my experience usually were to cover up some behavior that the PD Husband or Boss or Friend or whoever wanted to hide. I see this now as a form of abuse when you are expected to believe or perpetuate a lie that you both know is false. So whenever I can I expose lies for what they are because I have become very triggered by keeping others secrets/lies for them.

I also tend to listen to others but don't believe until I have seen proof. It's like I just pleasantly keep the truth on hold rather than believe right away and then find out they are not telling the truth. I know this is greatly simplified but it is something I struggle with due to years and years of being lied to.

[bruceli]

It's not the lies, because I have learned that what they say in most cases is the opposite. It's the silent times, because those are the times that make me wonder what they are up to.

[Samuel S.]

My PDw hasn't lied in the normal sense of the word. Nevertheless, she covered up her true self so very well for a long time, and she is virtually the direct opposite of how she was. She told me that she pretended to be someone else for a long time before she met me and after she met me. Then, the small changes surfaced, and she has been given herself permission to stay away from me as much as possible by being at work and by studying.

On an emotional level, it really hurts. Lies, deception, manipulation, and abuse are all bad. We nonPDs thought we were getting the love of our lives while we really getting the hate of our lives.

BTW, a dear friend of my ne who's like a sister to me commented to my PDw shortly after we got married that she had strong reservations that I was marrying my PDw. To this very day, my PDw resents her and won't see her. Bottom line, my friend instinctively knew how my PDw was and is. Like a fool, I didn't want to believe my friend who was 109% right!

[KFel024]

This has been one of the hardest parts for me to deal with.  I am currently getting out of a relationship/marriage with a npd partner.  I used to consider myself to be a pretty trusting, empathetic person by nature.  However, after going through the discard phase with someone I gave absolute trust and unconditional love to, my perceptions have somewhat changed.  I now error on the side of caution and trust my gut and what I see only.  Words are just that, words.  It makes me sad to read this because I am an educated adult and thought I had some sense of street smarts.  However, after hooking up with a npd partner, I learned otherwise.  I still do my best to see the good in people, but it is incredibly difficult now.  I do hope things improve in the future.  I used to change my personal passwords once every couple of years, now I change them weekly.