Black and white thinking

[need2bme]

This journey already feels as if it's been a lifetime...and I guess it really has.  My uNPDm has programmed my brain with such wrong thinking.  I'm actually quite surprised I have managed to make it this far in life! 

One of my biggest realizations today was about black/white thinking.  I do not possess the ability to see anything but 'good' or 'bad'...'wrong' or 'right'.  I even see it in the times that I've been talking with friends about uNPDm and how if they say even the smallest of nice things about her, it feels like a knife going into my chest.  Not because there aren't nice things about my mom, but because I only see 'good' or 'bad'.  So, when people say nice things about my m, it gets distorted in my brain that they are saying she is all good.

I'm curious if others face this obstacle.  Especially if you have faced it and overcame it!!!  I think this way of thinking will be one of the first I will tackle with my T, because until I can think outside of black/white, I will not be able to find healing.  Looking forward to any thoughts on this subject.

[Pepin]

This seems common in my opinion.  I have often found myself to think in black and white but it mostly now has to do with people's behavior.  NF used to yell at me for being this way when in all honesty, he was projecting his own behavior.  Since I could not agree with him on something, he would blow up. 

After I severed ties with NF I really started giving people the benefit of the doubt to see what would happen.  It was certainly eye opening.  Generally I would give people about three chances before I decided whether or not I could continue with them in my life.  It became painfully clear that my gut was often correct when I was exposed to their first offense. 

For the most part I have been able to remove people from my life that are harmful to my emotional well being.  Sadly I have struggled with family.  While I have parted ways with NF for good, I am still subjected to PDmil and that has been painful.  I knew from the moment I met her that things weren't going to be easy.  DH had painted a very different picture of her and it just didn't match.  I was demoralized knowing that I would have to work hard to not let her hurt me....even though I have failed numerous times. 

As I have gotten older, I also have succumbed to more black and white thinking because I know from the past what I like and don't like.  Therefore I am careful about what I do and who I am with -- and I listen to myself.  With regards to PDmil, DH sees her differently obviously -- and therefore PDmil for me remains in the gray at the moment.  As I have learned from both her and NF, PDs can be angels to everyone else except their targets.  I have tried to see the good in PDmil....but unfortunately she has targeted my teens and I cannot sit back and let her get away with it.  That's just highly unsavory in my opinion.  I totally understand the knife in the chest feeling.  I struggle to see what DH finds redeeming about her...

[newlife33]

If I had a dollar everytime my therapist told me "everything doesn't have to be black and white", or "try to see the grey areas" I would buy a yatch.  I'm totally with you and feel it, especially with certain topics.  I can be instantly triggered, turned off, be irrational or see only one side of things very easily.  I really don't like it about myself but that's the way my family was and I'm trying to cope with the fact that it will take a long time to fix and everyday away from those abusive and toxic people is another day of healing.