Apparently mom complained that nobody visited her

[marizabet]

I don't know how to link back to my previous post for reference but in short, a month after I had my baby my mom broke her ankle and had to get surgery.

I also have a 4 year old and she wanted us to visit her but she is 2 hours away. We didn't visit until 2 months later when my MIL drove us all there to visit my mom and then in laws for xmas. That way I could feed baby in the back. I also wasn't sleeping much due to baby. Still am not actually. Another reason I didn't want to visit my mom then was bc I was breastfeeding and milk had not fully come in and when too much time goes by, it can get painful.

So my mom was upset about this and had a pity party. Especially because her siblings weren't visiting her either and they don't live that far from her. It because she's a drama queen.

We also visited over the weekend because it was my friends 30th birthday...honestly was really tiring. And stayed at my moms.

So I'm on the phone with my aunt today and apparently she said call your mom to which I said I do...she's been telling people it's embarrassing that nobody visited her when she was sick. And even vented to my dads cousin...my parents have been divorced for 10 years.

My mom's latest thing is she's thinking about retiring abroad to not be a burden etc. H right in front of her told me to tell her not to do it and stuff. I was upset. Don't tell me how to feel and guilt me because I might be happy not being arpuns my parents.

[moglow]

Of course she did - but know this too, in all likelihood had you been able to visit and done so, she'd have still said the same things.  You wouldn't have visited on her schedule or often enough or stayed long enough or she didn't get any rest because you were there or the baby cried too much or the 4yr old was into things etc etc. My personal theory: Someone who wants to complain, be angry and find fault, will.  Always.

It may be embarrassing to her that no one visited, but that's life.  We all get disappointed and embarrassed, and most of us accept that as a matter of course and move on.

A suggestion:  Try to not respond or react to those comments, whether from her or others. It is what it is. I know it gets our bristles up and we want to explain [and be reasonable!], but nothing short of exactly what she wants exactly when she wants it is going to please her.  And even then it's only temporary. That's ALL her stuff and not yours to fix.

[Sneezy]

Your mother has it backwards.  When you have a brand new baby, people are supposed to visit you, not the other way around.  And they should bring a gift for the baby, a casserole for you, and not stay overly long.  The fact that your mother is upset that you didn't pack up a brand new baby to visit her, says quite a bit.  You are the one who should be upset that your mother was not able to come visit (and help) you.  Of course, being a reasonable person, you understand that she couldn't come visit because she broke her ankle. 

If you hear her criticism second or third hand, try your hardest to let it go in one ear and out the other.  If she criticizes you directly, try deflecting by saying something sweet like "I'm sorry you broke your ankle and weren't able to see your new grandbaby sooner, mom."  Don't apologize or JADE (I know, that's easier said than done).  The truth is, as moglow says, your mother wants to complain and be angry and find fault.