It really amazes me...

[jennsc85]

I remember when I was in the middle of some of the worst, most difficult times with my mother, some of you guys told me that if I was unavailable to my mother for whatever the reason may be, she would be eventually be resourceful and find a way to get done the things she wanted done.

I truly didn't believe that at the time. My mother had conditioned me for so many years to believe that she NEEDED me like the air she breathed. She really made me feel like if I wasn't a text message away from dropping everything to come help her with xyz, that she just couldn't. Couldn't what? I'm not sure. Live? Function? All of the above? I wanted to believe everyone who told me she could function on her own, but I didn't. And that's exactly what she wanted me to believe, that I was needed and could never escape from her.

So... obviously if you're familiar with my background you know that other than one brief visit and some emails, I haven't had anywhere near the same level of contact with her as before (multi-weekly doctor's appointments, shopping trips, etc) in over a year now. Obviously she has been able to "do life" without me.

But yesterday I got this huge example. So, two years ago she decided she wanted a pure bred cat. The breeder was located 2 hours away. What did silly ol' me do? I drove her 2 hours to get the cat and 2 hours home. But not just home. She had to stop by a very specific pet store and piddle around, then another one. Then the cat had various vet appointments that I had to take her to because taxis don't take cats, blah blah blah.

Well, yesterday my mother emails me a picture of... a kitten she just brought home. A kitten from the same breeder, I'm presuming, as it looks just like her other cat. I of course didn't ask how she got the kitten home and I really don't care. But obviously she found a way to get this cat without me. She got all the special supplies, she got the cat to her house, she must have found a way to take it to the vet... all without me.

It's just the realization of the exact same situation that I got roped into 2 years ago and now, she did it on her own. I would have never dreamed that she could not just find a way to get to doctor's appointments but find a way to get things she really wants (like purebred kittens) on her own, without me. It's very eye opening.

[practical]

Reaffirmation that you made the right decision by dropping the rope. It is "nice"  - - when you involuntarily get confirmation of your object status, which means you are replaceable and not NEEDED like she always made you believe in the past. Enjoy your freedom 

[WomanInterrupted]

It's just more proof that she CAN do for herself and just doesn't *want* to.   

I'd keep a picture of that kitten as a reminder, for the next time she tries sending you an email stating she can't do this or that, is having some sort of dire emergency, or she's having a health crisis of epic proportions.

If she can figure out how to get two hours away to a cat breeder (ugh!  Sorry, but my favorite breed is Rescued   ), she can figure out her own messes, without any input or help from you.

And you can continue to savor your freedom.   

[Dinah-sore]

That is amazing. I remember reading your posts from a while ago, and I remember how much you were going though!!!! You went through soooooo much!!!!! This is a powerful testimony of how much your situation has changed, all through your strength, courage and determination to be free from that. That is awesome. Good job!