Is this true?

[Associate of Daniel]

My uNPD exH (read: his uNPD wife) is now stating that it is common practise for there to be a gradual increase of an additional night's stay per year.  Ie: the children stay with the non custodial parent an extra night per week each year.

Is this true or is it the load of rot I suspect that it is?

Perhaps it is true in non pd families?

My uNPD exH seems to have decided that the court orders no longer apply and that he can just do whatever he likes without discussing it with me first.

Ds is 12 and lives with me during the week.. His uNPD father lives roughly an hour's drive away from us and from ds's school.

AOD

[openskyblue]

Sounds like he's making that up. Do you have an attorney? It sounds like you need legal advice?

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

So you went to court and duked out a custody agreement at great expense and made it legally binding, and they expect you to just take their word for it that this is "customary," and just say okay? And how in the world would that even work with school? And how far does this go? Until they have all the time?

Please. I don't have personal experience with custody, but enough through my friends to know that this is not how it works. I would feel free to ignore that BS.

[Associate of Daniel]

Yep. I'm completely ignoring it. If I could afford to, I'd ask my solicitor about it but I suspect I already know the answer.

AOD

[hhaw]

Sounds like complete BS to me.

And.... give a PD an inch, and they always always try to take a mile.  Sounds like your ex views the parenting plan that way.

Not surprised.

[athene1399]

I would think he's trying to trick you. uBPDBM used to do this to us a lot. I would suggest asking an L for legal advice to be sure. There were times when we called SO's lawyer daily because of the nonsense BM was trying to scare us into.

[openskyblue]

 

Same here. Helped to keep me from getting knocked off my feet by PD nonsense.

[findjoy81]

Not customary in any agreement I know... outside of my ex's daughter who lived like 800 miles away, he got her an extra week per summer from age 6 to age 12, just because she got older each year and the judge felt she would be more capable of longer times away from mom/home.  But it was built in word for word into the custody schedule.

We also fought in trial for our custody decree, and after he "lost" and got 40% time with kids, he emailed me and said how about we do 50/50 because if I had won, I would have given it to you. 
Um? So why did you ask to be awarded 60% time?  Why did you force it to trial when I offered 50/50 before (a HUGE compromise on my part because he is so imbalanced)? 
It's all a game and manipulation.  Stick to exactly what the decree says, don't give an inch.

[Associate of Daniel]

Thanks, Everyone.

Yes, I'd say it's done on a case by case basis.  And in our case, we live an hour's drive apart (and he lives an hour's drive away from ds's school) so a midweek night at his place is ridiculous.

But judges have been known to make some crazy rulings.

AOD

[Rose1]

Do you think he could be making custody and court noises to keep wife happy but isn't really serious about it and quite happy with delay and winding you up?

[Associate of Daniel]

I guess that's possible. But it might also be possible that he just doesn't get that his decision to go to court is delaying the enrolment of ds in another school.

I'm really confused but I'm not going to waste time and energy on trying to work out  what is going on in his mind.

AOD

[Rose1]

No. That's the rabbit hole. But it does give you time and th I gsm might just sort themselves out regarding the school. Of course it will be your fault. I learned to ignore that.

[turtlemama]

Hi AOD,

My exuNPD seems to have the same thought.  He keeps asking for 2 nights, then 1 night extra a month.  I keep telling him no, we are keeping the schedule how it is.  DS has been through so much and needs stability. 

I think that maybe this thought comes from when kids were little it was thought that they needed to be with their mother's more, but as they grew up they (boys especially) needed more of their father's influence.  Who knows! But more time with the PD is not in the child's best interest.