Feel sick

[Meltracey]

It's been an overwhelming few days and I'm feeling sick from it all.

My ex had finally left my house (we broke up 8 months ago). He'd moved to a family member's house, but she kicked him out.  She said his kids were going to stay with her, but he came back in the middle of the night and got them. (The police are now searching for him to check on the welfare of the children)

She rung me to warn me that he plans on keeping our child (a baby) next time I bring her for a visit. She also said that he is saying some horrible lies about me, including that I'm running around sleeping with loads of men and last time he saw me I was covered in hickeys.  (I can say that's definitely not happening and that he's truly turned me off dating for a very long time!)

I feel sick with worry and the fear that he is that unstable at the moment.  He is blaming me for everything but nothing is rational and nothing is real.  He's told his parents that I've just randomly kicked him out leaving him and the kids homeless (he hadn't even told them that we,d broken up 8 months ago!)

Im worried about the children he has with him. 

Im worried about my safety.  His mental health seems to be so extremely poor.

Im going to get a dvo tomorrow and hopefully some support and advice on how to keep myself and my family safe.

[coyote]

Mel I hope you were able to get the dvo today. Do you have any access to a Domestic Violence counselor? Tell them what's going on and get some help/advice. Don't let him take your daughter anywhere alone if you fear her safety. Are there family or friends you can confide in and let them know your fears so they can keep an eye on you. It is a hard situation. Please keep us up to date.

[Latchkey]

Hi Meltracy,

I hope you are some place safer and are seeking support through local DV agencies or family and friends you trust.
This is a good tool to assess the state of things with your ex. I used it when my ex ASPD/BPDH was threatening me and our children post divorce. He scored an 8/10 which was high enough for me to realize I needed to ensure as best I could using all means available to keep our children away and request supervised visitation. That was 10 years ago. PDexH fled the state and hasn't seen the kids since. I still don't feel completely safe knowing he is out there but he was the kind to avoid trouble with the law and gave up very easily. I'm greatly simplifying things here but it's important that you get help as this sounds very serious.
MOSAIC Method – Online Threat Assessment Tool  developed by Gavin de Becker & Associates

Here is a link on creating a Safety Plan or Kit and a checklist for leaving:
https://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.html

Update us as you can to the situation.



Latchkey

[athene1399]

I am so sorry you are going through this, Meltracey. That is a scary situation to be in. Based on what you said, IMO he should not be allowed to see your child for the time being. Maybe check with a lawyer to see what you rights are or how you should proceed legally if you feel it is unsafe for him to have access to your child. And as the others said, check with DV agencies for advice as well.