Lost my best friend over a real estate deal . . .

Started by Adria, January 31, 2019, 09:38:20 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Adria

A realtor friend of dh's told us that there was a house coming on the market and that it would be listed the next day. He said we could see it first if we were interested. We hadn't planned on looking, but decided to go. Loved it! Placed an offer on it that day as the owners live out of the country, and it was in a desirable neighborhood and wouldn't last long. The realtor new the owners well, and also had a client that he thought would be interested in our house, so the sale would be quick on both homes. Realtor also said if we signed with him on both homes they would pay a good percent of closing fees. This deal, on all fronts, needed to be moved on fast, and with help on closing costs, we jumped.

Anyway, my best friend has a daughter who is a "part-time" realtor.  We asked her to come over on two separate occasions to price our house when we started thinking we might do something. She stopped by both times, but never got back to us on anything.

When this house fell in our lap with a buyer for ours, we decided to go with the realtor that showed us this house, thought it only fair, and she had someone for our house with reduced closing costs, and could work with the out of country owners. We didn't want to lose the deal.

Now, my friend won't speak to me. I tried to explain everything, and how we had to make a quick decision, but that is the last I've heard of her.   My friend seems to have entitlement issues to boss me around and plan my life. It sure seems that if people can't run their agenda on you and get what "they" want, they are quick to walk away.

Were dh and I wrong? We didn't want to lose both deals, and most likely would have if we had waited. 
For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.

moglow

You werent wrong - you had asked for her help and she'd not gotten back to you previously, plus this was a quick turnaround. Not your stuff, it's business and you did what you needed to do.
A friend would celebrate your new home with and for you. She'll have to get over it, one way or another. I wouldn't discuss it with her in any way - it's done. If the daughter were to come to me, I might remind her of asking for her to price it in the past and you'd not heard back from her. You had to move quickly and went with what you had at hand.
Congrats on your new home!!
"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
"Expectations are disappointments under construction." ~Capn Spanky, The Nook circa 2005ish

Adria

Thank you Moglow.  I've been feeling so bad about this. Actually, the daughter texted me a really nice text regarding it. She didn't seem upset at all. Maybe my friend wasn't really who I thought she was. I don't know. In any case, your kind words made me feel much better today.  :hug:
For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.

clara

This regards a business deal, not a friendship.  Your friend's daughter dropped the ball on this one.  That's on her, not you.  Don't let your friend make you feel bad about it.  If she wants to end the friendship over this, without even trying to understand what went on, then it's best to just let her go, at least for now (until she gets over her hurt, time will tell).  She won't see reason because she doesn't want to--she's feeling defensive over her daughter.  There are some powerful dynamics at play here, and she's the one who has to work it out with herself. 

newlife33

Please don't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong.  A real friend would be happy for you and give your praise for a beautiful new home. 

Adria

Thank you Clara and Newlife. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. You both make great points. I guess I'll just have to let her go for now.
For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.

cookiecat

Agree with everyone, you did nothing wrong.  Interesting the daughter sent you a nice text, maybe it is also a teaching moment for her to not take any sales opportunities for granted.  Personally I think it's better, possible other problems could have arisen using the daughter.    I'm wondering why your friend is acting so strange.  Will the move make you farther from her (not same neighborhood etc...)?   Maybe she is jealous that you will make new friends in new neighborhood or be in a better area?  Either way, a friend who can't be happy for you is not a true friend.  If she comes back around, I'd tread lightly, she is showing you a side that is unbecoming IMO.

StayWithMe

It's already established that friends and money / loans don't mix.

It may be true about friends  and business.

chowder

Indeed, business and friendship don't mix.  Over the years I've been put on the spot to help someone out, a family member, family friend, etc., and have always, always been left holding the bag.

An in-law was starting up as an insurance agent.  We reluctantly got life insurance through him.  He didn't put through the paperwork in time and one of our birthdays had passed, so the premiums went up.  We eventually switched away from him.

Our neighbor started a new job with a company and my husband wanted to help him out.  The neighbor soon left that job, and we were left with a contract with that company - that we got out of just as soon as we were able to.

I could go on....but on a real estate deal, especially, that may necessitate this friend seeing more details of your personal affairs that you would have been comfortable with anyway.

No, you did nothing wrong.  Perhaps this friend couldn't control you and your choices, and that makes her angry.  It's a teachable moment - for you about your friend.  Rest easy, sleep well, you did what was best for you.

Adria

Cookiecat, 

Yes, you are right. It's been a rather tricky deal with the party buying our house. I think the guy is a narc personality, giving us all kinds of grief, trying to get something over on us constantly. I don't think my friend's daughter has enough experience with these kinds of issues, so could have made things even trickier. Also, your point about moving away. Yup, we are moving to the next town over in a much nicer neighborhood, so who knows, maybe my friend is jealous. Can't imagine though, since she is the one in the mansion with more money than she will ever spend in a life time. We are sizing down to about nothing.

StayWithMe,

You're probably right. It may not be good to mix friends with business.
For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.

Adria

Chowder,

I'm so sorry you got caught. It reminds me of "Let no good deed go unpunished."  After reading your post and all the others, I'm very grateful we didn't go with friend's daughter.

QuoteI could go on....but on a real estate deal, especially, that may necessitate this friend seeing more details of your personal affairs that you would have been comfortable with anyway.

No, you did nothing wrong.  Perhaps this friend couldn't control you and your choices, and that makes her angry.  It's a teachable moment - for you about your friend.  Rest easy, sleep well, you did what was best for you.

I never thought of her seeing more of our personal info than being comfortable with. Oh, my!
And I think you are right about the control thing. As our friendship has progressed over the years, it seems to be more and more about entitlement of her being able to control me.

Thank you for your thoughts. Much appreciated.



For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.

chowder

Glad you're feeling better about it all.     :applause:

Adria

For a flower to blossom, it must rise from the dirt.