I did it! I asserted myself!

[DaisyGirl77]

I wrote about it elsewhere, but basically an ex-coworker who's ~68 years old tried to break up a friendship I have with my Spirit Mom a few weeks ago.  (SM & excoworker work in the same building.)  Really junior high stuff:  "Daisy told me she hates you, you're horrible, she doesn't know why she's still friends with you..." etc.  It was worse, but that's the gist.  So after SM confronted me on what the excoworker told her & learned that none of what ExC said was even true, my SM & I tried to teach her a lesson that this stuff goes nowhere.

Anyway, ExC told SM that she'd already apologized to me for what she'd done when SM confronted her on her behavior (not true).  She thought ExC would call me to apologize that night, & I wasn't holding my breath.  I was right not to.  She only called the other day because another girl who worked in that same building passed away suddenly a few days ago & she wanted to let me know.  Her second voicemail finally referenced the "setting me up because you thought I was gossiping" (paraphrased) & nothing about the original behavior.  She told me about the girl's death, repeated she was sorry a few times, told me she had a present to give me if I'd allow her to stop by my place, & asked that I call her back.

I didn't return her messages as I was extremely busy & didn't have time to deal with her until this morning.  I left her a message stating that friends don't engage in behavior destroying other friendships someone has, that I thought we were friends until she did that, didn't actually apologize & lied about apologizing, & using someone's death as an excuse to call me, & I had to end the friendship over this as her behavior over the past month told me all I needed to know.  I told her that if she had actually called me 2-3 days after she'd gotten caught out by us, I would've accepted the apology & kept our friendship (although more limited).  But she didn't, & I'm not interested in a friendship with someone who tries to destroy my friendships with others.

SO I DID IT, YOU GUYS.  I FINALLY ASSERTED MYSELF.  This is a MAJOR step for me, & I'm so happy I did it.

Now I need to work on being assertive face to face, lol.  BUT I DID IT!!!!!! 

[StayWithMe]

That's great.  I relish the moments when I stood up for myself as well.

[Whiteheron]

Good for you!!!

[DaisyGirl77]

Update:  She called a few minutes ago.  My heart went into my throat & galloped while I waited for my phone to send her to my voicemail.  She wants me to call her back because "I have something to say to you."

I don’t know if I’ll call her back. What say you guys?

Clearly I have a lot of work to do here with my physiological responses.

[Griffen]

Don't call her back, and block her number. And if she tries to confront you in person, go MC. Don't give her any supply or reaction.

[Whiteheron]

If it were me, I would ignore. It will probably start out as something 'important' then the real reason for her calling will come out - to rehash all of the above in an attempt to gaslight you.

[moglow]

I wouldn't call her back. You spoke your peace -to her- and that's all there is to it. A rehash of the situation or her excuses/justifications/accusations for all and sundry aren't necessary. If/when she calls again, should you decide to answer the phone, just listen. Don't justify, argue, defend or excuse (JADE), just let her get it out then say "thank you" and end the call. Don't let it wind you up and wreck your day. Silence speaks volumes.

[DaisyGirl77]

Thank you all for your responses.  I decided to block her number for the time being.  I just checked my voicemail; she hasn't left any additional messages.  Whew!