Limbo Stage of Living in Same house {Long}

[texascrazydaisy30]

First time to post.  {Even though I have been lingering on here for a long time}
I will give you some back ground yet how can you fully explain 12 years:
•   He was married when I met him. His 2nd wife. I am now wife #3
•   He cheated on his ex with multiple woman, and even got a woman pregnant who had an abortion.
•   He blamed how they just didn't have anything in common and that's why he cheated. Oh and BTW, wife #2 cheated with him to get him away from #1
•   We started the affair and left our spouses within 3 months and I moved in with him.
•   He went back and forth with his ex saying he still loved her, surprising since he told me he didn't ever love her...but ok......?
•   For 2 years he would convince us he was polyamorous and loved us both and he would leave her for me, then leave me for her, for 2 YEARS! Then they got divorced. I win {so I thought}
•   Then he wanted 3somes all the time. Then he wanted a full time girlfriend. I left him once because he was in love with some train wreck of a woman. Then he love bombed me and we got married.
•   He still wanted 3 somes and woman, and now he has a girlfriend for 1.5 years and I had enough. I just couldn't be convinced how "fun" and "adventurous" I was anymore. I hate that woman, and I am tired of it all.  No matter what, he couldn't convince me this was ok. Then he broke out that he is "sick" and mentally messed up. That since his mother is bi polar or some kind of "crazy" {and fyi...she is a drunk and somewhat very mentally ill – my counselor said if a parent is bi polar there is a 50/50 chance her child will be too and since his brother isn't...lol} I woke up 2 weeks ago and said "I am uphappy. I am sick. I am stressed. I can't do this anymore." He said he isn't happy anymore either and just poor thing doesn't know what he wants anymore.....so before I would feel obligated to keep my daughter in the school district that I can't afford on my own, but I got an apartment CLOSE to the school....but since the house is in my name too we are going to keep her in that school with his kids and then sell the house in 4 years to split the profit 50/50. It's in a legal document, for NOW.
•   Now, how did I become to know he was a Narc...well...when I met the 6'4" 250 pound man, he was a presence in the room. He knew everyone and everything. I soon discovered that he really didn't have "friends" but more like acquaintances and that he had zero men friends. RED FLAG. He was physically abusive for a "reason" of that I did this or that to make him that way. He name called me and my children. (like he does with the current woman he calls White Trash when it's convenient) He put a lot of importance's on what people thought of him, money, image. I couldn't look at men in the eye, no talking at bars, each friend was a whore, a slut or was attracted to me. He is already doing this with the new girl. She has 2 friends and he is already name calling them to her...so that will end soon. He will gas light me, saying this or that, or doing something and then say he never did. I started a journal just so I could show him. Then when I do....he says "well...... so what! That doesn't matter"
•   When I had too much, I choose not to have the house. And this is a lesson for the woman that are younger then me, or not as long as 12 years. You have to make them feel like they are WINNING if you are an in an unsafe home. He started steroids 2 years ago. He lost something in his eyes....the thin string that kept him together. He now lifts weights 2 times a day. He doesn't work, he is a disabled vet and makes great money....but he has a lot of time on his hands. He started being more violent.....more paranoid, I was cheating all the time. He broke my phone, threw me across a room, pulled my hair at a bar for looking up at the bartender to order a drink. Now, with this said what is winning. Right now, I keep showing him that he gets the house in the rich city we live in ($400,000 home) He has the pool, and the boat that is at the marina. Look at ALL you have and all I am getting is a little 2 bedroom apartment 4 minutes away. So I can take my daughter to school in the morning since she is an athlete. See. I am losing and you are winnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnning. So far he is ok. I put the deposit down, got the utilities all set up. Now, I make a lot of money too, but it still going to be hard since just my income, and financially I will be much better off then having this house.
•   So why am I posting all this. We are in the LIMBO stage. My apartment wont be ready until MAY 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is 10 more weeks. Of living there and then him trying to have sex with me (like last night I did) and then he showered and went to her home to sleep and they went to the gym this morning. Of course, she is a gym rate, so am I, and she is on steroids, Wellbutrin and a diet medicine...she is mental as well.  I see her doing EXACTLY what I did in the beginning. If only the wife went away, him and I will be SOOOOOOOOO happy. She is 40 with a 4 year old. His youngest is 13......he is struggling with that already 
•   How do I do this. I told him this morning, in a polite, gray rock way, that we can't text all day. If she is so great, blow her phone up. Don't have sex with me and expect to get up and leave. Nope. And nope. I am not dressing sexy. I am not going anywhere. I did go to Bingo the other night and was home at 10 and he was gone for the night anyways. I am not going to try to go have a drink because he could get angry or violent and I don't need that until after I leave safely. This weekend is going to have his son's birthday and I think she might go, it's his oldest 21 birthday at a bar...and in my head...I just want to go out and drink too BUT I know better. But I have 10 more weeks of THIS. Cooking dinner and watching tv and just sitting in the same room ....it's so awkward and weird. One side of me pushes him to go to her house each night so I can sleep alone and not see him....the other addicted side of me wants to cry....and then I am mad too. I am a roller coaster of CRAP at the moment. First time to TRULY move out and make it official since we said I Do. I am scared of being alone, afraid of being on my own....but it's not the same old love in my head anymore : I am 100% not in love with this man anymore