Feeling much more

musttryharder · February 05, 2019, 03:49:18 PM

I've noticed that I feel things more deeply these days. I'm sure it's because of my relationship issues. My pet an best friend died not so long ago, and I still get choked up when I think of her. Last week an acquaintance died 24 hours after I visited him. I was not really someone who wears their heart on their sleeve in the past, but now I feel things too deeply. Is this because of the stress of my situation, or is this the new me?

coyote · February 05, 2019, 04:09:11 PM

Musttryharder,
How have you handled loss and changes in your life before? When have you been most successful in dealing with loss in the past? I can only imagine the impact of two such losses so close to you and time. I imagine it is quite possible the hurt is deeper because of the current relationship issues. We often go through temporary changes during stressful times that don't necessarily define a new us. What other support systems do you have; family, friends, clergy, groups etc.?Now is the time to marshall all your support systems and don't let yourself succumb to loneliness.

Please remember we are here for you.

RavenLady · February 05, 2019, 04:30:00 PM

I'm so sorry, musttryharder. Loss of a pet can be so very hard, especially when they have felt safe for us in a way others have not. And I'm sad to hear about your friend, too.

Sometimes loss can help point to tender spots in us that haven't been "allowed" before. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Take yourself seriously. And like coyote said remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Grief is especially familiar to those of us who are working through issues with PDs.

Hugs and healing to you. The light will come out again.

1footouttadefog · February 06, 2019, 09:12:27 AM

I recently lost a friend and a pet both.

I miss the pet more than I would have thought considering he had only been here a year. He was a stray that adopted us.

I understand that at times you can be more vulnerable to your feelings than at others. This may be a good sign.

For me it happens I believe when I am more emotionally safe and stable and can allow myself to actually process and grieve instead or suppressing things to survuve.

musttryharder · February 08, 2019, 01:10:27 PM

Quote from: coyote on February 05, 2019, 04:09:11 PM
How have you handled loss and changes in your life before? When have you been most successful in dealing with loss in the past? I can only imagine the impact of two such losses so close to you and time. I imagine it is quite possible the hurt is deeper because of the current relationship issues. We often go through temporary changes during stressful times that don't necessarily define a new us. What other support systems do you have; family, friends, clergy, groups etc.?Now is the time to marshall all your support systems and don't let yourself succumb to loneliness.

I think I used to be better at dealing with loss, but then again I became extremely close to my pet because of the abuse that brought me here. Losing her was the last really good connection I had with another being. I live in a small town and I'm not in my home country, so while I know a lot of the locals, I don't have any close friends. MY family and oldest friend are back home. I've always been pretty self sufficient until now. I work alone, and most of my free time is spent alone. That's really one of the main reasons why I've been second guessing myself; I don't have someone to get a reality check from.

I have to say I do feel better after venting here!

musttryharder · February 08, 2019, 01:13:36 PM

Quote from: RavenLady on February 05, 2019, 04:30:00 PM
Sometimes loss can help point to tender spots in us that haven't been "allowed" before. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Take yourself seriously. And like coyote said remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Grief is especially familiar to those of us who are working through issues with PDs.

I think maybe you're right. Part of this new-found sensitivity is just me, and that seems healthy. It feels worse right now because I don't have positive things in my life to balance it out, so it feels like the sky is falling. Talking it out here is really opening my eyes.

musttryharder · February 08, 2019, 01:15:58 PM

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on February 06, 2019, 09:12:27 AM
I understand that at times you can be more vulnerable to your feelings than at others. This may be a good sign.
For me it happens I believe when I am more emotionally safe and stable and can allow myself to actually process and grieve instead or suppressing things to survuve.

I do suppress a lot when in the company of others. As you said, it's a survival tactic. I don't feel I can trust my spouse with my feelings - I guess that's what they call the grey rock.