heading in to court

[sonto92]

Heading to court today and it has been a stressful couple of months.  I'm lucky in that a majority of what will be covered today has very little to do with me.  I switched health plans (deductible to co-pay) last summer.  The first words out of my ex when I told her was that "this is going to cost me money".  She got on the phone with the county support office and asked for a review.  When the review came back, the county was asking her to pick up a portion of the cost of the insurance, which would be deducted from my support payments.  The kicker is that I am not standing to gain anything by this move, other than having better insurance for the kids.  The amount that the county is asking my BPDx to pay doesn't cover the change in cost from switching plans - I am not making money I guess is what I am trying to say.
This (the change in support) was supposed to be put in to place in December and my ex and her attorney asked for a hearing in December to dispute the county's decision.  When the hearing date came in December, they asked for a continuance with no explanation why and it was granted to today's date.  I haven't heard anything from my BPDx's attorney's office until last Thursday (4 days before the hearing), when my ex's attorney was going to ask for another continuance to draft some paperwork (2 months later they weren't ready  .  Anyway - the continuance was denied and I am heading in to court today, full of anxiety about it.  The bottom line - there can be no discussion about parenting time or custody at this hearing.  Doesn't stop me from assuming the worst, however.  I have been taking steps to try and get my estranged son back to my house and everything feels to me right now that this is all just a power play to keep him at my BPDx's house.  Moral of this story - I am exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

[Penny Lane]

Oh, sonto, I'm so sorry!



DH is about to go to court too on financial issues. It's insanely stressful, more than I could've possibly imagined. We've been trying to remind ourselves that we can only do the best we can do and it's out of our hands. Also that money stuff is minor compared to parenting issues. But I'm not sure that alleviates the anxiety all that much.

No advice here but we're in the same boat. I hope you can do something really nice for yourself tonight/this weekend when this is over. And good luck in court! I'm rooting for you.

[Whiteheron]

Hang in there Sonto. I've felt that 'court anxiety' more times than I care to think about (and another date coming up next month...then trial if nothing is resolved, which it won't be). It's not pleasant. No matter what our hearings are about, stbx's L brings up custody. Each and every time. My L has to be the one to remind his L why we're all there. I completely understand how you're feeling.

I hope your court date goes smoothly.

[hhaw]

How're you doing, Sonto?

I hope it was short, sweet, and nothing changed.

Remember to always speak about your ex with compassion...... it'll save you a lot of trouble if you do, IME.

It also makes it easier for the Courts to give you what you're asking for, when you appear sane, rational, and interested in what's best for your son.

When we forget that, the Judge doesn't know who's on the child's side, IME.

About court being scary.... things got easier for me when I figured out I don't have to share all the PD insanity with the Judge.  My job was to accurately document, organize, and build my cases around the evidence, and that's what I focused on.   It  was functional editing.  VERY helpful, IME.  I kept everything, bc i didn't know what the PDs would allege.  I just knew my life was 10 years of disproving negatives.  Very frustrating.  Very worth doing.

I hope it helps to hear that our family court judge was hell bent on giving my sex addicted, abusive, ASPD husband tons of visitation with our young daughters.   The courts should make sure you have plenty of time with your son, IME.

[sonto92]

Hhaw - it went well.  I was at peace when I was ready to leave.  There was a change in child support that would have probably happened anyway.  The county imputed income to my BPDx as part of this discussion.  My ex's attorney was trying to convince me (and essentially blackmail me with a veiled threat of a custody hearing for my middle son) to not go with the county's numbers for support - I chose to go with the county's figures.   I spent some time organizing my documentation over the weekend and trying to organize everything for what I feel will eventually come. 

[athene1399]

Sonto,

I am glad this hearing is over, but like you, sad to assume there may be a custody one in the future. Just get your documents in order and prepare/consult with your lawyer. That's really all you can do for now. I hope at lease some of the anxiety has been alleviated. I'm honestly pretty mad your ex's L tried to blackmail you, but proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what you wanted to do (going with the county figure).

[hhaw]

Sonto:

I'm glad it's over, you allowed the Court's decision regarding the change in support to stand.

Your ex brought that on herself, and IME the PDs stop bringing us to court when it costs ONLY them money.  Period.

Do you think you'll have to go back to court to enforce the visitation schedule? 

Do you fear doing that will further alienate your son?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.