Hi

[Gale]

My partner has been through a highly traumatic abusive past, and as a consequence appears to have DID in order to survive.  Now this has been identified, he is doing better, I'm not going anywhere, this doesn't frighten me, I'm determined to be his stable rock and I'm simply looking for other experiences and ways of helping him.   Thank you.

[Latchkey]

Hi Gale,

Welcome to Out of the FOG. It's good your partner has gotten a diagnosis and is receiving treatment. DID is considered more of a dissociative disorder than a personality disorder but many here have been through trauma as have the PD persons in their life and DID can be co-morbid with PDs. Please look through the Disorders info and the Toolbox and Top 100 traits and see if this seems to be the case.

Also see the Committed to Working on It and Working on Us boards.

It's important you take care of yourself and take breaks as you go along.

You may want to check out this forum for your partner but it's also good to read to get some idea of what your partner may be dealing with:
http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/

Here is some more information from Nami with links to support. I would recommend finding a support group specific to partners and family if possible.
https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders

Glad you found us,

Latchkey

[RavenLady]

Hi Gale. Welcome! Like Latchkey said DID isn't considered a personality disorder but there sure is a lot of wisdom here at Out of the FOG that might still relate. I happened to watch a very fascinating interview with a woman with DID the other day which completely changed my previous understanding of the condition. (I've known people with it before.) One of her alters comes out in the video. It's moving and thought-provoking to watch.

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kLjsY4JlU

[Gale]

Thank you for the replies, I'll take any suggestions offered, as I'm still trying to fully understand what is going on and where my partner truly fits - though I'm seeing overlaps in different diagnosis and nothing is obviously cut and dried and able to fit into specific boxes as all humans are so unique.  I can easily recognise the different faces/voices that are shown to me, and from what I have read of other experiences, my partner is easier than some it would seem.  Despite this apparent ease, I find that at times I'm feeling tired/drained and struggling personally which is how I am feeling today.   Thank you for your kindness

[Latchkey]

Hi Gale,
Are you living with your partner full time? Do you get out by yourself for work or other activities regularly?

It's important to recharge your batteries often when dealing with high stress relationship dynamics.

Latchkey

[Gale]

Thanks for the replies.  Yes he lives with me full time in my house where I have been living alone for the last 5 years.  I have my own traumatic past but only a drop compared to  the horrors my partner has survived. 

It's been two months since I did this first post, in that time he lost his job (through no fault of his own, a lot of people lost their jobs through the company downsizing), and this has definitely not helped with his ability to cope.  He has very little needs to be met so is not a financial burden, however it has been somewhat of an emotional burden, but I am still determined to support him.

I am very good at listening, and I have a talent for watching and paying close attention to people, most especially ones that I love, so I use all of my skills as much as possible, and I have learned a lot about him, bit by bit details of what he has gone through, learned to identify who I'm talking to by the slightest changes that I doubt others would even notice, and understand a lot more.  I'm very well aware that this is most likely the tip of the iceberg, and now know from a very hard two weeks, that it is very important that I keep track of his sleeping/eating and that he get enough of both, otherwise one particular part of his chaos will take over and all hell breaks loose - it was my first time meeting/experiencing it and due to my lack of sleep and loss of concentration on him, I reacted rather than paying better attention and breathing calmly, but now I know what to look for and are better prepared for the future.

As I mentioned, I have my own traumatic past, and I think that this has equipped me somewhat for what I'm facing with him, and while I have never met anyone like him before, and certainly had no real idea of any of this, I seem to be able to take it all reasonably in stride. 

We have a brutal open honesty about everything which I believe is the only way to make this all work, and I know that I am the first person/place in his entire life where he knows there is no judgment, there is no need to be on the defense against physical or emotional attack, I will not lie or take advantage of him, I am his first 'safe' place ever, and I will not do anything to destroy that, and he sees this and knows it but at times still finds it difficult to accept, but knows that he has the space to finally look at what has happened in his life, and start to come to terms with it.

Working through this with him is also helping me learn more about myself and my own past, something I have always done quietly and on my own.

It's a long hard road that I have accepted with him, I know that, but I have committed to this and I can only imagine what my life would have been like if someone had been there for me as I am for him now.