What is your take on this?

Cascade · January 31, 2019, 05:05:36 PM

There's just been so much going on these last few weeks, so much manipulation! I guess it's to be expected after a reasonably peaceful time. He's also been pretty quiet, which could mean there's a bit of a silent treatment going on.
I was looking at some old photos the other day when my husband looked over my shoulder and said he never remembered seeing those photos. Then he accused me of hiding them from him, which I never did, and he muttered the words fiscal and emotional abuse. That doesn't even make sense in the context of our conversation. I asked him what he meant and he smiled and said it was just random. I have never accused him of those two things though those are the two ways I have felt abused in my marriage. It has made me very uneasy. I even wondered if he felt that way about me! Of course the little smile should probably tell me he's just playing one of his games. I also wonder if he's somehow found a way to access my account on our shared computer, plus he'd also need to learn my passwords and that's a long shot since he's not tech savvy.
It's just so frustrating that even after being on this site for years and trying to use the tools in the tool box, that my husband is such a pro at manipulating me and pushing my buttons!

bloomie · January 31, 2019, 06:04:43 PM

Cascade - the first thing I thought of is where he may have seen or heard this? Be very careful to use incognito mode, or change passwords, clear your browsing history, etc., as you share here and any journals or emails or texts... just take very good care of yourself and be safe. Strange to use those terms "randomly" like this.

This would be disconcerting to me and I am sorry this happened to you.

sad_dog_mommy · January 31, 2019, 07:50:19 PM

Maybe he is gaslighting you?

Cascade · January 31, 2019, 09:12:45 PM

Bloomie, that was my first thought too, but it could be gaslighting too. I'll change my computer password just to be safe.

1footouttadefog · February 02, 2019, 04:01:13 PM

If he is using a Kelloggs, the program will not show up in the list of programs

It will log all key stokes regardless of who account you are logged in under, and it will not matter what browser you use.

Just thought I would toss that our there.

Cascade · February 04, 2019, 11:11:47 PM

Is that an easy program for him to install and use? Would I be safer on my tablet then?

bloomie · February 05, 2019, 08:56:59 AM

Cascade - here is an article that may answer some of those technical questions about how a keylogger is installed and how to potentially detect one on your device that may be of help to you: https://wtop.com/tech/2018/06/column-detecting-keyloggers-on-computers-and-smartphones/

That aside... how are things going?

Cascade · February 06, 2019, 01:13:34 AM

Thanks for the link Bloomie! It makes me feel paranoid to even have to wonder about it. I think this week should be more peaceful since my husband is working more hours.

1footouttadefog · February 06, 2019, 08:58:19 AM

Sorry for late reply.

There are two common types of keyloggers.

One is a small hardware device that has software imbedded into a chip. It might be a small end that goes on the part where the keyboard plugs in on a desktop. It would likely be pushed into a USB port then the keyboard cable would plug into it.

Another type is software. These are available for free and for sale online, typically a decent program will have a 7 day trial period.

In my line of work I used to install a programmer called "system surveillance pro"

I used the program with integrity. For example after cleaning g up viruses on a small business network multiple times the owner and I discussed the fact it was likely porn usage. One employee was coming at odd and extra hours to work but had very low productivity. The owner authorized me to install SsP on that system, after warning the employees that porn had been found on company owned devices and they would be monitoring usage. We found child pornography websites and beastiality porn had been accessed. That guy was let go and the building keys were changed. He went to work at a used bookstore whose owner later busted in a child pornography sting.

Anyway, the program does not show up in the installed programs and you can set it to require a secret key combination to bring it up. Example, shift-p-f.

The program can take screen shots as often as you set it for and send all typed text, all websites visited, all programs accessed, and a list of all files accessed or created or downloaded to an outside email or simply save it on a hidden place on the hard drive.

So the computer can therefore be remotely monitored. There are also programs like this for android phones etc.

Findingmyvoice · February 06, 2019, 03:18:49 PM

Scary stuff if it is in the wrong hands.
I often wondered if exBPDw had something like this on my phone.
There were times when she confiscated my phone when I was sleeping and did't return it until late the next day.
This may have just been a control thing, because usually it came with intimidation and threats.
"admit you are cheating or you don't get your phone back" "Tell me what you are hiding."

She said a few things that I had recorded in my notes on my phone.
I used to journal on my phone because I did not feel safe having a paper journal in the event that she found it.
One was a nickname that my uncle called me when I was young and the other was my username on this forum.
I was having physical health problems from the constant stress and after talking to my physician, she told me that it was important for me to "find my voice".
This stuck with me and I wrote it in my journal. She started mocking me about about "finding my voice" during arguments and I had never heard her use that term before.
She had no other way of knowing these things.
She would also call me at random times and make comments about things that I had not discussed with her.
for example, one day after work I planned to meet my parents at the farmers market. I made the plans from work and not from my cell phone.
At that time she would get very upset if she knew that i was talking to my parents. I texted my parents that I would not be able to make it from my phone and immediately she called me asking if I was going to the farmers market.

I was never able to determine conclusively if she had something installed.
I took my phone to the apple store and they checked it and said that they couldn't find anything.

1footouttadefog · February 06, 2019, 11:43:05 PM

Linux is an open source free operating system. There are many distributions of it. Many of these are designed to be installed and run directly from either a DVD or from a memory stick.

This is ideal for situations where a person needs to know they are running from a clean computer.

The user instructs the computer to boot from the USB device or the DVD drive instead of the hard drive. This will work on a laptop or desktop.

Because the hard disk is being bypassed, any software or visitors are also being bypassed. The Linux operating system is loaded / installed fresh from the device provided and is running in the computers memory as a fresh copy.

Most of these distributions will install a browser and network and WiFi drivers by default so once the system is up you are also ready to go online.

Once you are done remove your memory stick or dvd, and simply reboot the computer and it will be in its normal state.

Disks with distributions like this are available in Linux magazines from the UK that ate commonly sold in Barnes and Noble here in the USA, for about 16-17.00 dollars.

Additionally they can be downloaded and installed onto a memory stick or burned to a dvd. At no cost from the internet.

Cascade · February 09, 2019, 01:33:16 AM

I checked the computer I use the most often and didn't find anything suspicious on it. I'm not sure if I'll check our old one since I hardly use it, unless they are linked somehow. Is that possible?
Findingmyvoice, I have experienced that with my phone too in the past. It's very unsettling. I have a new phone now and put a password on it. Even so I'm pretty careful with what I text on it.

Whiteheron · February 10, 2019, 09:27:21 AM

I have macs. I took everything to the apple store to have it all checked out because stbx knew things he shouldn't have known. Things I had spoken to DS about in my car (phone was present) or in the house when stbx wasn't there (but phone was present). They found nothing. I can only assume there were hidden recording devices somewhere (he got really suspicious when I was looking in my trunk for something...). Idk, I know how paranoid this makes me sound, but I never did find anything.

1footouttadefog · February 12, 2019, 12:19:39 AM

I have never seen a keyloggers I installed picked up by anti virus and seriously doubt the average computer store geek would know what and where to look on the hard drive to find one.

I don't say this to make anyone worry, but to say, if you have suspicions, get a clean install of an operating system on the phone or computer or tablet.

Most phones can be restored to factory settings easily. You will want to back your pics and docs and contacts up.

Most computers have a section of the hard disk partitioned off as a somewhat inaccessible section that contains a copy of the windows system drivers software and everything that the computer shipped with. After backing up docs, pics music, files etc, you could do this process and have essentially a new computer as far as clean software goes.