T does not get it - advice please

[candy]

T advices DH to define the relationship with his parents, speak to them on his own and find a basis for discussion and the relationship with his parents. Later on he should try to find a way with his parents and his wife.
I understand this as ,,but it's faaaamily", putting the PDparents first, advising the SC to fulfill his role again. T tells an abused ACON to turn a blind eye to parents rugsweeping and gaslightening behavior... yikes.

NPDMIL and EnFIL have tried to harm our marriage, have interfered with our parenting and have given us the ST for 9 month now. They are mad at DH for choosing his FOC's needs over theirs. NPDMIL has gotten physical with me and has been verbally and emotionally abusive with DH, me and DD who was a baby at that point.

T even encouraged DH to visit his parents home on his own. They are moving and want DH to come and fetch their stuff and personal keepsakes. Otherwise they, and I quote, are going to throw everything in the trash.

Nothing about boundaries. Nothing about PD. Nothing about abuse. Nothing about stopping my caretaker husband from taking care of his PD FOO again and taking care of himself or his FOC or our DD instead.

DH said the T is a B-. But he is not sure. And he does not want to try more than one more.

I feel lost. Anyone been there? Are there Ts who just do not get it? Will T probably get it with time? How do we find someone who gets it?

[coyote]

Candy,
I do have some experience with therapists and can tell you they are not all the same. Just because they have a degree and credentials does not mean they are a competent therapist. I would interview therapist on the phone prior to making appts. Check out their credentials through the state licensing board. Ask questions about their experience. What therapeutic model do they adhere to most, CBT, DBT, Client Centered, etc? Ask questions about the IL's behaviors. Maybe don't use the term PD and see what kind of response you get. If they profess to having experience with PD find how how long. Be sure and check out how ling they have been in practice in general.

It is important to find a T that fits your needs and your personality. It is almost like buying a new pair of shoes. Be sure they are a good fit.

[logistics]

I agree. Therapists come in with their own life biases. If they do not know PD they can not see it for what it is. The therapists plans seems appropriate for non PDs. Sounds like T is leading you down the other fork in the road.

[Entj]

Personally I've tried with 5 therapists and none of them could understand personality disorders. It is very tough, because after some point I had started thinking I'm the crazy one.

Why don't most therapists get it - found this video the other day and it all made sense!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNT-hJxN7mk&t=536s

I agree that you should interview them on the phone prior to the first appointment. Do they know about PDs? Have they treated victims of narcissistic abuse?

I get your confusion, you're not alone. Sending you positive energy!!