Distraught

[NoVoice357]

Adria and Countrygirl,

They do not appreciate concessions because there is no such a thing as a win-win outcome from the NPD's perspective.
They perceive interactions as battles to be won. All-or-Nothing way of thinking. If you win, they lose or the other way round.
It is about winning and having the upper hand. Power and control.

The Player of Games by HG Tudor (diagnosed with a NPD)
http://narcsite.com/2017/01/24/the-player-of-games-3/

[countrygirl]

NoVoice357,

Thanks for the link to "The Player of Games."  Reading it made me shudder, because it reminded me so much for my former N friend.  The following is an example of her changing "the rules."  I hope Adria will not mind me posting this on her thread, and I bet she can relate, after her most recent experience with an N!

Whenever  this N friend  would visit, we did everything in our power to make sure she had a good time, and each year we treated her to a birthday brunch at some local restaurant.  Then, one year, when we were discussing her birthday visit, out of the blue she suddenly and very angrily said,  "Have you made reservations?!"  I didn't know what she meant, because we had never made reservations before.  We went to nice restaurants, but there are so many in our neighborhood that reservations weren't necessary.  I should say that we had been taking her for brunch for many years by this time, so I was really startled by her question.  She knew we didn't make reservations because we never needed them.

I pointed out that we NEVER made reservations before, that I didn't understand her request or her anger, underlining that we would, of course be treating her to brunch and presenting her with birthday gifts.  In answer, she haughtily said,  "Well, OUT HERE, WE make reservations!"  Never mind that we didn't live in her town!  Suddenly, we Just should HAVE known that she wanted reservations made--for the first time in fifteen years!   

She changed the rules in many other instances too, but that time came to mind when I read "The Player of Games."  At the time, I couldn't believe that someone who would be visiting us for the weekend, to be treated to a nice meal and nice gifts, was angry because I wasn't doing something which we'd never done before and which was totally unnecessary.  Clearly, she had decided we weren't paying enough attention, and she was enraged.   

[NoVoice357]

You are welcome, Countrygirl. 
There is another article about their weird behaviour, at least from our perspective but not from their own , called For the Sake of an Argument at https://narcsite.com

[Adria]

Nope, don't mind you posting at all. Interesting stuff. Thanks for the articles. I will check them out.

[countrygirl]

Hi Adria and NoVoice357,

I hope you're settling into your new home, Adria, and enjoying some hard-won peace!   

NoVoice357,  I think you make a good point about Ns seeing interactions as battles to be won.  This is what I always felt with my former N friend, that everything was a competition.  I don't like competition, but she seemed to relish it and that was how she related to everyone. 

I will read this H.G. Tudor article too!