Distraught

[Adria]

I am simply beside myself. I've been up sick every night for the past three nights feeling totally in despair. 

We are selling our house, getting close to retirement and wanting to size down. The first buyer put an offer on our home. As we drove by when they were back again looking at our house, the father, was there (he has the money for the kids). I could tell by his demeanor while driving by that he was trouble and said it to dh. Dh laughed at me, but this man's stance and vibe were horrible (like my narc father who ripped my house away from me.)  It was an eerie and helpless feeling.

Anyway, this man has been raking us through the coals with many appraisals, many roof inspections, permits, separate electrical inspections, pool inspections, more appraisals, trying to get something more out of us. He's relentless. So far, we passed on everything, but it's not good enough, and he keeps coming back for more. He knows exactly what he is doing and the realtors seem to be letting him drag this out forever. He's a narc and cocky and a know it all.

Yesterday over a stove in an out building, he wants us to drop the price 20,000, or there's talk of a lawsuit. Can you believe it! Over a $500 stove that he's turned into something utterly ridiculous. I don't think he has the grounds to do anything more, and we offered his down payment back if he wants out of the contract, but it seems he has chosen us for his target of wrath, and is literally enjoying himself with the entertainment.

I am so sad. He his turned our joy into a complete nightmare, and we found out yesterday that he can drag this out until the middle of March. I was talking to a woman about it, and she said this is the new common thing people are doing when they are buying homes these days, and most times they win. I'm pretty sure we have beat him at his own game, but, man, when lawsuit comes up, it makes you sweat

I think this is a huge trigger for me, as this man reminds me of my horrible father who stole my house, equity and everything else out from under me. I can't bear to have someone do this to us again. We will never be able to recover.

[sad_dog_mommy]

I am sorry you are going through this.  Sadly this is a new trend in home buying.  Especially in soft markets where the buyers have more to homes to choose from.  When I was selling my condo the inspection report came back saying the copper pipes connected to the hot water heater were 'not to code' because the angle of the pipes was 5 degrees off.  I know how you feel because the whole experience made me feel bullied and vulnerable.   I fixed everything on the report but I put my foot down about any further price reductions.  I ended up selling to a different buyer and passed the home inspection with flying colors.

Where is your realtor in all this?  They work for YOU,  I think they should be protecting you.

[Adria]

Sad Dog Mommy,
Thank you for your response. So, it's a thing, huh? Wow! I'm so sorry for what you endured at the hands of these people. It's amazing how someone you don't know can completely turn your world upside down. 5 degrees off, that is pathetic.  Yup, bullied and vulnerable is what it feels like.

Sadly, the realtors seem to be working for themselves.

[Latchkey]

Sad Dog Mommy,
Thank you for your response. So, it's a thing, huh? Wow! I'm so sorry for what you endured at the hands of these people. It's amazing how someone you don't know can completely turn your world upside down. 5 degrees off, that is pathetic.  Yup, bullied and vulnerable is what it feels like.

Sadly, the realtors seem to be working for themselves.

Adria,

I'm so sorry. In your other post it sounded like the realtor was working all sides from getting you the new place, and getting a buyer for your place, and keeping a tidy sum. I'd get your own attorney involved on the contracts  for buying and  selling houses so you can't be bullied. Also, if this buyer falls through you might want to get another realtor if you are not under contract with him-- though likely not your friends daughter.

It sounds like a very tough week or so and I hope you have some good things to look forward to in the new place.
I don't look forward to selling my house because of what you describe.

This realtor does not sound like he is doing his job unfortunately at least in terms of representing you as a seller.

Latchkey

[Adria]

Latchkey,

You are right. This has literally been the worst month of our lives. We are so beat down right now, we can hardly finish packing, and we have to keep packing. The buyers, wanted us to pay for another appraisal so they could take the agreed on price down $20,000 because we had a stove in the pool cabana that wasn't permitted or something. We said, we would take the stove out so we are compliant. Since we refused to pay for another appraisal, they already had three, they talked about suing us over a $500.00 stove. Well, we offered their down payment back to get rid of them, but no. Now they want the house again and will pay agreed price. To be in compliant with the county we said they had to sign off on the stove or we would move it out. They won't sign off, but don't want it moved. Said if we moved it, they wouldn't take the house. We said to the realtor, fine then we'll move it to get rid of them. The realtor had a fit. So now as it stands we are moving ahead, supposed to close Wed., but we have to put all our belongings on a truck, THEN they do a walk-through and decide if they want the house or not.

I have never in my entire life heard of such lunacy. If they don't like a nail hole in the wall, they can refuse the house and we are packed up and out.
We feel like we have been run over by a Mack truck. I'm sooo sad. At this time, I could care less about the other house we are buying. Just praying we can make it through at this point. 

Our original realtor's wife went into hospice, so he bailed and we were left with a young incompetent realtor who has no clue. A total disaster.

The one good thing is, we beat these people on all accounts; every permit, zoning, electrical, roof, cabana stove, everything they tried to nail us on, we won, so they didn't get one more cent out of us. But, what an unnecessary fight it's been.

The saddest thing is we had a full price non contingent back up offer that came in two weeks after these people, and we couldn't do anything about it.

I just hope they leave us alone when the deal is done

Thank you so much for your support.

[countrygirl]

Hi Adria,

I am so sorry you've been treated in such an inhumane manner.  I am absolutely certain that you picked up on the buyer's N vibe.   

Your young realtor is indeed incompetent.   

When I sold a house some years ago, the buyer also gave off an N vibe.  I can still picture her, standing with her hands on her hips and a big smirk on her face.   In fact, I hated thinking about her having the house, but we needed to move.  Then, after we moved, she blew a gasket because I had taken the tiny, old cafe curtains from some dormer windows in an upstairs bedroom.  She's been horrible about everything before then too.

At any rate, reading your account brought all of that back.  Some people relish any chance to throw their weight around.  They don't care if it's unjust, if it makes others suffer.  In fact, they enjoy that.  The whole thing about the stove in the cabana was ridiculous, but I certainly believe it because I went through it over those cafe curtains which were used when I bought them!

I hope that all goes forward smoothly from here on out for you, and that you will enjoy your new home. 

[Adria]

Countrygirl,
Thank you for your post! It has been so bad. Yesterday dh and I decided to go in our hot tub to try to destress one more time. We started it up, it's part of our pool, looked out the window ten minutes later and it looked like our garage was on fire. Smoke and water spewing everywhere from the pool pump and hot tub heater system. About $6000 worth of damage. 

Dh hauled out pictures from our pool notes that showed a valve that should never be moved because it would cause backup pressure to the whole pool system. We noticed leaks after the buyer's inspector was here in several places. We then looked at the buyers pictures of the pool mechanics and the valve had been moved to the wrong position, therefore, blowing up the whole pool system. Now, we are sitting here waiting to see if the people still are going to take the house. Supposed to close Thursday.

We don't even care anymore. We will gladly pay to have it fixed if it means getting rid of these horrible people. Their realtor couldn't believe the proof we had with the pictures, because everyone was blaming us. So, the realtor is taking it up with the inspection company.

The stress from these people has been so bad, dh thought he was going to have a heart attack. I guess you just never know who you are opening up your home, life, and well-being to when you put your house on the market.

I'm sorry for what you have endured as well. It is complete and utter insanity.

Dh and I feel kind of bad because we have yipped at the realtor a few times because of the ridiculous statements she makes and requests she makes on the buyer's behalf. Don't even know how she can be a realtor with some of the things she's said and done. But, I never like to be mean or hurt anyone's feelings. It's just that nobody in this situation has protected us at all, and they keep coming back for more of our hide. I didn't say anything mean and neither did dh, but we have raised our voice in protest when she wouldn't listen a couple of times. I am debating if we need to apologize or not. Dh says he wants to let her broker know that it is mainly because of the realtor's incompetence and change of stories and dropping bombs all the time that has caused us so much extra undo anxiety.

[Latchkey]

Oh my, do you think there is criminal activity going on? I can't even begin to unravel this chain of events but something just does not seem right!

[Adria]

Latchkey,
I think we are dealing with an extreme narc. They keep telling us what we are going to do on our own property, almost like since they want our house, they own us as well in the mean time.  We are nervous as to how much this can escalate. Our broker is doing her best to get rid of them, but the contract doesn't run out for another three weeks.
The realtor brought the guy over last night to look at the pool lights that we've had done over twice for no reason just to shut him up. He looked at the damage to the pool system and had the realtor call us, and he proceeded to tell the realtor to tell us we didn't know how to run our own pool system that we've ran perfectly well for the last 3 1/2 years. They are crazy.
We are trying not to think the worst, but it is very unnerving.

[cookiecat]

Adria, terribly sorry you are going through this, it's really disgusting and I hope you are able to let others know how awful this realtor is after all is said and done.  I agree about wondering about criminal activity?  Didn't this buyer have several inspectors?  I'd be curious to check and see if the one with the pool photos has ever been sued etc...  something just seems off.  But I totally get that you just want to be done and out of house.  Once it is done, is there definitely no other recourse the N buyer can do?  Is there a legal document saying this that you sign at closing?  It's been awhile since I've gone through the process.  Take care of yourself  (both of you), hopefully the end of this process is near🙏🏻

[Adria]

Cookiecat,

Now that we have the power, they are writing us suck up letters saying they kept their closing date for us (whatever that means) so they met us half way. That we should have heart and pay for the whole thing because they want to raise their family there. We just keep sending them the same letter back saying, "Not our responsibility" over and over. It's like what part of no don't they understand?  We should have a heart? Oh, the gall!!! You can't make this stuff up.

We just send them another "Not our responsibility" and the realtor texted us back instantly "Did you get a quote"  Now, we are goin off the grid.

This is one time where I'm glad I'm my father's daughter. It looks like we might have them on the hook:doh:

[NoVoice357]

Hello Adria,

So sorry to hear you and your DH are going through this madness. 
They use repeated tactics deliberately to make you lower the price as much as possible by wearing you down.

Dh and I feel kind of bad because we have yipped at the realtor a few times because of the ridiculous statements she makes and requests she makes on the buyer's behalf. ....

You do not need to feel bad about it. Better save your energy for other things. PDs perceive things differently. As long as you are in contact with a PD, there is nothing you can do to avoid making them feel criticised in some way or another. You can reduce it by using grey rock but not avoid it completely. It could be jealousy and envy, something she saw at your house she does not have.

I am not a lawyer and do not know anything about the current law but tampering with a valve which caused so much damage seems quite serious. They can put other people's life in jeopardy. I think the inspection company should be made responsable and pay for the damage they have caused. I would keep photos or any other evidence I could find.

We just keep sending them the same letter back saying, "Not our responsibility" over and over.

I think this is the right thing to do in this case. Clear and simple without any kind of emotional vocabulary (narcissistic supply) in it

Good luck, Adria!

[countrygirl]

Hello Adria,

I was shocked when I read about the latest development.   Of course I agree that the inspection co. should pay.  And I do think that you should complain about your realtor. 

I certainly hope that this is resolved quickly, and to your satisfaction.     

[sad_dog_mommy]

And I do think that you should complain about your realtor. 

Definitely complain about your realtor!  After the transaction is complete you could post online reviews.   Especially if they are affiliated with a nationally known company such as Keller Williams or Remax.

[Adria]

NoVoice, Countrygirl, Saddogmommy,

Sorry, I couldn't respond to your posts. We were in the process of moving. Thank you all for sticking with us. This has been the worst house sale we've ever done. These people were ruthless.

That makes sense, the repeated tactics, and it was wearing us down terribly. We realized that's what they were doing so kept using one liner repeated tactics right back at that them. On moving day, they still hadn't signed the papers to close and were over at my house bossing the movers to get us out immediately because they were moving in at 2:00 P.m. They never signed the closing papers until 5:00. Ugh! It was set up so we closed first and they said they were going to refuse to sign some of the closing papers and the realtor said they couldn't force them. I got on the phone with a lawyer while sitting at closing ready to blow the whole deal up. The realtor was flipping, but no way were we going to move and worry about them coming back after the sale closed of the house. I told the closing agent to make them sign off on all of our responsibility of the house, so they couldn't keep harassing us. We had a paper drawn up. I said, if they refuse to sign, the whole deal is done. They did sign in the end, but we were all ready moved and could have lost this house and not been able to move back to our house because of these people. They obviously knew what they were doing. They didn't even do their final walk through until after we were in a moving van. The new laws! It put us in a terrible position. I think that is what they were banking on while waiting until last minute.

Who knows, maybe it was the buyer that came over and switched that valve when the inspector was there knowing the spa heater would blow up so he could get a new one on our bill.

Anyway, we beat them on every count. We stood our ground on the spa heater too against the realtor telling us to just pay for it. Who knows, maybe in the end the realtors chipped in just to keep the sale. But, the buyers didn't get one penny extra out of us, and in the end we forced them to sign papers they said they would not.  We kept trying to call their bluff and fortunately it worked.The realtors sure did nothing to protect us. Don't want to cause waves with the realtors because they are the association in our gated community. It could put us at odds with the powers at be. Don't need anymore grief. However, will not be using them next time around. It felt like all cards were stacked against us by them as well.

]ust as a peace offering, I left the buyers a beautiful desk and chair along with some nice area rugs that the buyers had commented about earlier.  I did it  more for myself because I didn't want to end a deal with my house on such a horrible note, plus I thought maybe it would calm them down some as well. letting them think they GOT something

I think the worst part about it is, now we are in our beautiful new home and too exhausted to do anything but sleep because of fighting these people. I never want to move again.

[NoVoice357]

Hi Adria,
Thank you for your update and congratulations on your new home!      .
Glad to hear the buyer signed the papers, you were able to move and the nightmare is over

As you said, they know very well what they are doing. Since they started manipulating people at an early age, they know their game. They wanted to show you who is in control until the end. I have been warned about buyers wanting to move in first before signing the closing papers. In some countries, that would mean the buyers become owners. A dangerous game. The realtor should have known that those things happen and how to deal with them and protect you.

Who knows, maybe it was the buyer that came over and switched that valve when the inspector was there knowing the spa heater would blow up so he could get a new one on our bill.

That was what it first came to my mind when I read your other post.  The PD buyer must have done it:roll:  But then, as you did not mention the buyer being in the house when the inspector was there, I thought you were absolutely sure nobody else was in the house when the valve was switched, except for the inspector.

Glad to hear you were able to assert yourself and not paying for something you have not caused and are not responsible for.

[countrygirl]

Hi Adria,

Thanks so much for updating us.   I am glad that you were ultimately triumphant, but what an ordeal, right until the last minute.   

I think leaving the buyers the gift of the desk and rugs was a good way to "appease the beast."   

Sometimes when PDs buy things, especially big ticket things, they may resent having to pay for them.  There was so much aggression and seething resentment in the buyer of our house, even though we gave her a very reasonable price.  I bet Ns think, on some level,  that they should just be given things.  So your gift probably did help appease your N buyers!

All the best for you in your new house.   Enjoy plenty of hard-earned R & R!

[Adria]

No Voice,

Thank you so much. We do love the new house. It was worth fighting for.  Yes we were pretty sure that the buyers were not on the property when the inspector was there, but in hindsight, who really knows. That is just what we were told. We are wondering if maybe he was there for just a couple minutes and messed with the pool valves and left. We will probably never really know if he stopped by or not. All in all we came out on top.

[Adria]

Country girl,

Sometimes when PDs buy things, especially big ticket things, they may resent having to pay for them.  There was so much aggression and seething resentment in the buyer of our house, even though we gave her a very reasonable price.  I bet Ns think, on some level,  that they should just be given things.  So your gift probably did help appease your N buyers!

That's what it was like. Like they were angry they had to pay for a house or something We came down initially quite a bit on the price for them, but it wasn't good enough.  Yes, I hope the gift made them happy. We, put about a grand in electrical updates for them, a grand in rugs and a grand in the furniture, so they did make out pretty good from us. Haven't heard a peep.  I'm just praying it's over for good.

Thank you for your support.

[countrygirl]

Hi Adria,

Glad all has been "quiet on the western front," on the N buyer front.

Thinking about N buyers reminds me of another experience from years ago.  I was selling something with an advertised price.  Someone came to look, then called me the next day and said, "I have heard you are really asking X amount, but for US, you are asking twice that."  I said that wasn't true.  He then said, "We will give you X!"  In other words, half the amount.  I replied,  " That is half our price.  But you can certainly find cheaper ones out there."  (Meaning examples which weren't as nice.) This made him angry, and I confess I had said it because his belligerent attitude, and his accusation that I was price gouging him irked me.  He entered into negotiations by insulting me, not something which generally results in a lower price.  At any rate, his whole attitude was that he was enraged that he had to pay at all!   

In the case of your house, it does sound as if you made concessions, and that the buyers got a good deal.  I hope they appreciate that, and remain quiet!  In the above case, I would have negotiated with the buyer, fully expected to negotiate with him, but his attitude was so off-putting.   Ns certainly don't make the world a happier place!  Any interaction is so fraught with negativity.