Totally fooled by a NPD Feeling used

[sweet1987]

I have literally gone through all the stages of grief in the past 24 hours I am in so much pain and trying so hard not to be mad at myself, shame or blame myself for falling for this once again.
My mother is an UNPD/BPD I left the situation 2 years ago and now, found out I was codependent and have been doing so much work on myself. Recently ended a 18 year relationship because it was very unhealthy for me. But during this time I made a close connection with someone who has literally left me more broken than I've ever been.
This person promised me so much and I fell for everything, I felt it in my gut , i knew that was there were sighs but its like I've been in a dream this while time and only woken up. They loved bombed me like crazy, and I was already so hurt with my relationship ending I needed that, I told them every single thing about me, everything, they told me all the things a codependent needs to hear. They said they saw me, really saw me, accepted all my flaws, this person wrote me love songs poems, gifts, we talk daily .
Very charming and even affectionate and then after a few months they just stopped and I found myself asking for the love and I would be tossed crums, its like they chased me until they had me and then once had me didn't want me. Make out I'm being to emotional and overeating and when I highlight something become intimidating
They also blackmailed me and gave little put me downs but it was in such a jokily way I justified it. And guilt trip me also
today I made a painful decision to start detaching from this person.
They told me i was being too needy and part of me knows that's a codependent trait of mine but I was getting so lost in what I cam and cant ask for how I should and shouldn't feel, allowing them to have the final say in my emotions and just Clinging on because I am so scared to be alone. And they know all this about me.. I feel so used and discarded, they pretty much told me they only want to be friends and I'm causing stress. This person is also in sobriety for 9 years.. They said I make them wanna drink. I am just hurting so much its like I gave them the keys to everything and they have used it against me. I should have noticed when I explained some things my mother has done and this person thought it was funny and agreed with my mother.
I cant believe I've been so blind. I literally sat here going through the list of narsasistic traits again and crying. All the signs are there..
I knew it was too good to be true.. But I felt like maybe I deserve this, they knew I was lacking so much love and they smothered me with it.
Today they told me that  I'm causing drama, and to stop, saying even being my friend is a mission. When all I did was ask why they randomly blocked me on a  social media account. Also saying they need to detach, they have never said that word before, only I have when talking about my coda stuff. I sat there in tears crying asking what did I do? Sending messages to them cos they were ignoring me.. And then it hit me...
I was becoming a victim all over again, I
Really care about this person so much but told them I'll be there as a friend if they need me but I'm not forcing the situation anymore. I'm letting go. I know I should cut them off fully but its hard, they also lost a loved one a few months ago and suffer with several illnesses,
I also remembered just now as I was typing when I first told them about me being codependent they even went to meetings to find out more, saying they wanted to know how to be a better friend to me. And also kept saying they were my safe place...And now its all coming together... I'm just so hurt.
Sorry this is so long nd all over the place I just feel so alone right now and don't have anyone else to talk to in this moment. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
Thank you all

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like you are in a really bad spot and all I can do is send you a big hug and tell you to hang in there. There is an end to it.

[isakall]

Thanks for sharing your pain.  Sometimes it helps just to type it out.  Like a journal.

You seem to have a pretty good handle on what your problems are.  Therapy, groups, research, sharing seem like healthy activities.  By journaling your current pain you can revisit later, when the pain isn't so fresh. 

[Whiteheron]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are stronger than you think, you will make it through.

We are here for you.

[KFel024]

Dear sweet1987,

Please know that you are not alone and that it is unlikely that you deserved what you think you received from said person.  The unfortunate truth is that there are people out there who will do their best to exploit one for all they have to offer.  It sounds like you were in a vulnerable position and somebody undeserving of you caught wind of that.  Please do your best to remind yourself of all the things you do to improve not only your own life, but the lives of those around you. 

Being alone can be lonely, but it is likely better than being with somebody under false pretenses and/or who is abusive.  Please do your best to keep your head up.  Anyone can get caught up and swept away in the moment.  You, like I believe all others, deserve to be happy under your own pretenses.  Life is too short to put up with that kind of stuff.  You can do better.             

Take care and best wishes.

[ladyh]

This person is also in sobriety for 9 years.. They said I make them wanna drink.

-  This is very telling.  A truly sober person understands that no one 'makes' you want to drink.  You wanna drink cuz ure an alcoholic- you enjoy the effect produced, plain & simple. 

If u break NC, Tell this poser that they need to take their own inventory, not urs.  Trust me, that will ring true.

A self-righteous narc is crazy-making.  Be sure to check the logic always. 

My sponsor, sober 21 years said 'any drug abuser is a user - and will use everything in sight.  All you can do is hope