In-laws came over after nearly 7 years of NC/LC

[movingforward2]

I haven't posted on here in ages.  I hope you all are doing well and are able to find some peace among the havoc that personality disordered loved ones can create.

We had been pretty much NC, a little bit of LC with my in-laws since 2012.  My undiagnosed NMIL came over out of the blue with BIL (who was visiting from 700 miles away). She indicated she was planning on moving about 4 hours away this spring.     I told DH to invite them over for Christmas, thinking they would not come and shockingly...they came.  They acted as though nothing had happened in the past.  It was like living in a time warp...strangest thing. 

As a Christmas gift, I gave NMIL some pictures of DD13 and DD8 (she has hardly any pictures...she chose to walk out 7 years ago and we basically cut contact with her).  NMIL actually told me that she stole pictures off my fridge when she came over with BIL 
She excused her behavior by indicating she didn't know if she would get pictures of her grandchildren.   

DH was happy to see his brother, but I don't think he'll continue much contact with his mother.  He was pissed when he learned she stole pictures off our fridge.  They were pictures I think I only had one copy of and I can't get more.  I told him if she ever comes over again he needs to watch her like a hawk.  I haven't decided if I am going to ask for them back.  I may have copies in one other area I plan on checking tomorrow.  I just don't want anymore drama.  I will say that all that NC gave me the strength to just smile at her and walk away when crazy town came into my household.

Sending you all strength as we navigate through holidays with PD in-laws! 

[bloomie]

movingforward2 - Hi there. So sorry this went a couple of days without a response. Welcome back!

Wow, that is one interesting turn of events. After 4 years of NC/VLC your mil comes into your home and boldly takes pictures off of your fridge and walks away with them and then has the brash bad manners to admit it. Malignant entitlement much? Mind. Blown. 

Imagine your mil having the responsibility to ask you or your DH...may I take a pic with my phone of these adorable photos of your children? Or to wait and see if she is offered pictures of the kids.

I agree distancing ourselves from all of this does help us to think through how we would like to respond and to navigate the few times we are together from a calmer state of mind. You most certainly are moving forward and that is something to feel very good about!

I will be very interested to hear what you decide to do about it.

[movingforward2]

Thanks Bloomie!  I haven't spoken to or heard from my MIL since Christmas.  My H had contact with her right after about a ride for BIL to the airport, but other than that hasn't heard from him.

I have decided to just let go of the pictures.

[BunnyLover]

Sounds like your MIL's interest was largely only to look good in front of the visiting from out-of-town relative. She also sounds far more concerned about getting photos of your kids to share so she looks like a wonderful grandma then actually being a wonderful grandma to those kids. I hope your husband isn't hurt if/when she fades back into the woodwork and wants him to chase after her begging for her attention/affection.

[JayBird]

" getting photos of your kids to share so she looks like a wonderful grandma then actually being a wonderful grandma to those kids"

Yes! I see this type of behavior on display by my uNmil all the time. Spot on.

Also, what I don't understand why the MIL would just take photos without permission (weird entitlement) rather than ask son or DIL if she can  take a photo of grandchildren while she present during the visit? If you are visiting you can plan on bringing a camera (hello, phones/cameras!) For some odd reason, my uNmil does not take photos of her grandchildren but expects photos to be given to her.

Is mil too uncomfortable asking to take a photo while she is present? But not uncomfortable taking something without asking that does not belong to her and is sentimental to parents/children? 

[jbtalt6]

Pictures seem to be very important to some narcs I've noticed...MIL included. To her, I think the picture and being able to use it as supply, is AS GOOD as the actual person IN the picture. NarcMIL has them all over her house from what I understand. Steals them off the internet and prints them out to frame.

[Breakthrough]

Wow, the stealing of the pictures  .   My uNMIL has crossed quite a few boundaries too.  We never went NC, but VLC is needed at times.  Hopefully your husband will be ok with what is best for your family regarding contact (if any).  I have found I am much more at peace letting that relationship go.  We still see her, I just don't take ownership of anything anymore, it's my husband's family, so his job.  I made the mistake of taking ownership and letting the ILs walk all over me at the beginning.  If she wants pictures she can ask him, he won't do it, well, that's her problem, not mine.  It is best to let it go, as frustrating as that violation feels.  Getting upset just gives them more power.  It is hard to let go, bravo for doing so!

[NotFooled]

Pictures seem to be very important to some narcs I've noticed...MIL included. To her, I think the picture and being able to use it as supply, is AS GOOD as the actual person IN the picture. NarcMIL has them all over her house from what I understand. Steals them off the internet and prints them out to frame.

Interesting my uPDBIL was always taking pictures of everyone at any casual outing or event and asking waitress and waiters as well to take pictures then posting on Facebook.    I always thought it was odd.