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« on: February 10, 2019, 08:25:39 AM »
Further to my post “help!” the other day I just wanted to ask, is it a normal tactic of some kind for a narc/PD’d person to do something randomly like my mother did?

After a year and a half of ignoring my husband, not even mentioning his name, even ignoring any mention of our wedding and of me only having VLC with her, she suddenly invited US to dinner today.... (we said no).

What is the idea behind this?

Is it hoovering? Gaslighting? Trying her luck?

I know I shouldn’t spend time and energy trying to figure her out, but it’s going around and around in my head so any help would be great lol!



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Re: Why?
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2019, 10:01:27 AM »
probably a combination of all three.

on one hand, i think it's good that you are seeing that her actions are definitely motivated by something other than kindness and concern for you and your DH.  on the other hand, it will sure wear a body out trying to figure out those machinations.

in my situation with my mother she was more than happy to let me go into custody of the state until she found out that she needed to parent me in order to collect 10 years of back child support.....so all of a sudden she became super interested in being my parent again, but once the checks stopped after i turned 18, her interest in me did as well.

stay strong!



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Re: Why?
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2019, 10:40:56 AM »
LOL - I'll soon be wed 30 years. My Nmom has only recently been asking how DH is doing.  In my case, it's an attempt to weasel back into my home after I had to evict her for crazy making with my sons and for telling cops we were abusing her.   I used to pray for the day she'd treat DH even civilly, but, as with everything w PDs, there is an ulterior motive.  Sucks.

Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen



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Re: Why?
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2019, 07:07:44 PM »
I left home on my 18th birthday because my Nmother had been giving me the silent treatment for a year. After I left she continued with the silent treatment for another five years or so. Then one day, completely out of the blue, she calls me up and starts chatting like she's my BFF, wants me to come visit her, bla bla bla. Turns out she was starting a business and wanted me to work for her for free.

Short story, they always have an ulterior motive. The good news is that you sensed something was "off" with your mother's invitation and decided to decline. Good for you!  :applause:

Always trust your instincts.