Has anyone grown up with a parent that has social anxiety disorder?

[t666666]

What was it like and how did it affect you?  Were there certain things that another adult did to minimize any hurt or damage that you experienced?

Thank you very much.

[Marinette]

Hi!
Yes, I have grown up with unPD mother with social anxiety disorder amongst many other PDs. I am also an only child which made me feel even more isolated. I remember being alone and isolated  A LOT!  I had No siblings, and no friends were allowed to play in our house.  My mother NEVER went anywhere besides work. She NEVER had friends over. She hated get togethers and social events. She only wanted to be at home and would not leave the house for weeks, if she could. 
My mother also exhibited ( and still does) very awkward and odd behaviour around people.
She looks highly uncomfortable, cannot maintain a conversation, or just sits and looks utterly miserable without saying a word.   Very very socially awkward.
It took me a VERY long time to become comfortable socially. I also acted and behaved like my mother. Of course, our mothers are our role models so I emulated her. I didn't have enough life experience to realize her behaviour was not the norm.
It was only after I moved out as a young adult,  I was able to fully blossom and become myself- a fun loving, social, engaging person who enjoyed parties.
To my own shock, I realized I was a complete opposite of my mother with SAD.  We couldn't be more different, and I am thankful for that!

[JustKat]

My NPDmother also had no friends and never went to social events. My father worked in the entertainment industry and went to a lot of events, but she would always refuse to attend with him. She also refused to go out with him when he wanted to see a concert or movie. Because I was the oldest child he would take me in her place. Unfortunately, that gave me a false sense of security, believing I was "Daddy's special girl," only to learn later on that wasn't the case. He simply had no one else to go with.

My Nmother DID go out on occasions when she felt it necessary to keep an eye on me, like school activities, Girl Scout meetings, etc, but she would always look miserable and never smiled, EVER. So I'm not sure if she had social anxiety or was simply temperamental about going out because she didn't like dressing up and putting on proper attire. She preferred to sit around the house looking like a slob, rarely even wearing a bra.

I've never even given any thought to the fact that she had no friends, but I never saw her socialize with anyone she didn't have to. Maybe she was socially awkward, or maybe she just considered herself to be too good for everyone else. I'm really not sure.

[Boat Babe]

Hey Marinette
Your mum sounds uncannily like mine. I had a very similar childhood and came out the other side as an uber sociable person. I still have a deep, core loneliness that I am working on to this day, but since getting my puppy things have improved tremendously.

My very difficult mother was afraid of everything and consequently did nothing. Such a limited life.

[Mug]

My mom was diagnosed with an attachment disorder that affected her socially. She was overweight when I was growing up, so she insisted everything else about her life had to be perfect to make up for it. My brother and I never allowed to have friends over for fear they may report to their parents that my mom did something wrong or the house was a mess. She never had friends over and avoided having family over. Even so, we had a guest bathroom and we weren't allowed in the living room. At swim meets and horse shows, my mom would separate herself from the rest of the families and then wonder why no one talked to her and my dad. She would go on tantrums about how she was always trying to make friends, but no one ever tried to be friends with her. So she shouldn't have to go talk to someone. They should talk to her. And she hated any friend me or your brother made. And would eventually make us feel bad for hanging out with them until we didn't anymore. I'm certain that was to keep us for herself.

[Pepin]

This would be PDmil.  DH was often embarrassed about her shortcomings so he went ahead and took care of them for her.  PDmil took the opportunity to groom him by never taking responsibility, as a result parentification. 

The other day DH and were discussing this...and we agreed that PDmil has no sense of self.  She has always attached herself to someone else.  During her marriage she attached herself obviously to FIL (DH filled in for his shortcomings, too) and when FIL passed away, she was and continues to be unable to move on with her life.  She has been forcing enmeshment with DH as much as she can through her health and widowhood...no friends, no hobbies, no activities, no exercise, nothing.  Sits in front of the TV all day waiting for phone calls.  It is a sad way to live in my opinion....but that is what she chooses for herself. 

What confuses me is how is it that DH is not now embarrassed at coming to her rescue in the past when it has resulted in the helpless way she is today?  Oops.  He is a smart man but dang....needs to get a strong fan and blow that fog away. 

[Danie]

My mother had social anxiety, among other issues. My first realization of this was that she wouldn't attend parent teacher meetings, my dad went. After my parents split up and we lived with our mom we never had company. We didn't engage with anybody! My mom wouldn't even drop us off at church, she found someone else to drive us, We never, ever did anything! She avoided us. We had no furniture so we just hung out, outside or on the steps. I think my dad tried to help us, but she drove him off like a rabid animal. We were isolated and abused terribly.