Help me get out of this

Started by Lenita, February 12, 2019, 06:24:26 AM

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Lenita

Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum and was suggested by a therapist who is working on my recovery.
I am a woman who had a very beautiful and happy childhood living with my mother and my step father who was my dad at the time. I had never met my biological dad before my mother passed and I was 12 y.o.
My biological father appeared in our lives as soon as my mother passed away and demanded that we go live with him. We (we are 3 sisters and I am the youngest) refused, because he was a strange for us, but he managed to get a Court order giving him the custody and took us to live with him in a bigger city and distant from our step dad.
Living with my dad was horrendous and he was very abusive and was always beating and hitting us for no reason and would not provide for education or basic supplies. He would make a crisis if our step dad would try to assist and it was a night mare. Despite all of it, we managed to survive and get education.
When I was at the end of my college studies I met this guy, who appeared to be a good person and was doing everything to help easing the effects of my father´s actions. I thought he was the person and married him 4 years after meeting him.
After marriage he started showing signals of abuse. He would start with economic abuse and because we had a little child he started blaming me for every health problem the child would have. She had a severe eczema problem and in between despair I still had to manage the guilt he was putting on my by saying that it was all my fault. I managed to get a scholarship to continue my studies overseas a very far away from him believing that it was a moment and he would change. I took my child with (she was around 3 years) and a stayed for 2 years out of the country. He tried to continue the abuse by refusing to pay child support, but since I had means to cope with that expense he then abandoned the idea as there was no access for abuse.
I returned home and he was showing signs of changes. I fell pregnant again and when I was most vulnerable, he started showing the signs of abuse. he would not pay the bills at home and would leave all for me to pay. He started again with the verbal abuse and excessive drinking and because he owns a gun I got terrified and decided get a house to get away from him. The baby was born and he never paid for any of the medicals related to the baby and started suggesting that I had put on weight and all the abusive behavior to attack my self esteem. He would not tell me about events that he thought I would feel left aside if not attending and sabotaging my work by spreading gossips with my superiors on my professionalism in an attempt to get me unemployed.
When the baby was 3 years I decided it was enough and approached him for a divorce. Then the Hell started. He found all the means to destroy me and my reputation and my finances. because we live in a poor Country where every thing can be sold and he has some money, he even paid for the Court to refuse a divorce that I filled and was telling that to my face with the values he paid. Because I left the divorce aside as marriage will auto cancel after 5 years of separation, he decided to serve me with so many court processes with false claims. I spent a year going from Court to Court responding to cases that I had no idea and wasting my money with lawyers and with no family support it was a Hell.
Because He had left home on an attempt to get me out of the house that turned wrongly as the Judge ordered that he stays where he is, he comes everyday to the house with the excuse of driving the children to school while there is a bus just to get access to me as I do not answer his calls and all communication with him is through text messages and has to be specific to the children.
With very limited access to me, he started to have strange conversations with my daughter (14 y.o)and they argue over issues that I believe that are not appropriate for her age. I know that he is trying to get to me, but do not know what to do.
I tried to leave the Country 2 years ago, but because both parents have to give consent, he found a way to get to me. So, he signed for permission and then when the process of the documents was on the way, he went to the embassy to say that he had never signed these documents and did not agree with the move of the children. This was all for us to stay grounded and with the intention of keeping me at harms reach to continue his abuse.
We have been separated for more than 2 years but he won´t let go and continues to do bad to us.
I have been seen psychologists, therapists, astrologers, mediums and so forth in an attempt to find comfort and some air to breathe.
Can somebody help me with ideas on how to get away from this monster as I am even considering to leave my children behind as they are his weapon to reach me.
Thanking in advance for any ideas

bloomie

#1
Hi and welcome to the forum. It sounds like things are seriously hard right now. I am so sorry for all that you and your children are going through as you attempt to find a way out of this marriage and painful daily contact. My biggest hope for you in all of this difficulty is that you will find the strength you need in order to continue to be a trustworthy and safe parent for your children.

We are an online support group and not able to offer any legal type remedy or specific advice given the anonymous nature of the forum, but we can offer you strategies and tools to deal with some of the troubling behaviors you are encountering with your estranged husband as well as encouragement as you find answers and help for yourself. See the toolbox and personality disorders drop down menu above where you will find traits information that can be a good help to you.

We have a board for those who are coparenting and those who are separating and divorcing where you will find others who are wise and insightful who will weigh in and support you on your healing path.

The most powerful people are peaceful people.

The truth will set you free if you believe it.

Lenita

Thank you very much for your answer Bloomie.
In fact I just wanted to share the experience with people who might be having  or had similar troubles and can give some ideas on how to deal with them. My psychologist recommended that I get in touch with people who are dealing with similar problems so I do not feel alone.
I will definitely join one of the chats and see what the others are/were going through and get some vent at this difficult time.
Cheers,

bloomie

Lenita - it is so important to have support and validation from others who absolutely get it. I am thankful you have joined us. This is a wonderful and wise community! :hug:

The most powerful people are peaceful people.

The truth will set you free if you believe it.