"Hinting" - did/does your PD parent do this?

[phoenix245]

This is sad.  Do you get anxious around people today that maybe there's soemthing you should be doing?

I tend to go the other way, actually. For a long time, I stopped trying because nothing was ever good enough anyway, so I didn't see the point in wasting my energy.

[StayWithMe]

That's wise.

[rudeawakening]

My dad still does this to this day. It's like he expects people to be mind-readers and gets all bent out of shape when things don't pan out like he would like. For example he'll look at the trash can and say "That trash can is looking full", implying that I go out and throw it out. I'll just ignore him at this point. I think this truncated communication style stems from the PD parent not being able to put themselves in another person's shoes.

[capybara]

YES, and I'm still sensitive to it - for example, after her last trip away, my mom "just stopped by" my house with cookies. The message was that I should have arranged for her to see me and all my kids within a day or 2 after her return, even though I had specifically emailed her to explain it would not be possible and arrange a different date. I know I sound crazy, but it's true.

The "good?" thing is that from training by our uPD parents, my husband and I suppressed almost all conflict for the first 12 years of our marriage - we were both so used to tiptoeing and guessing. We're dealing with the fallout now.

[Hopelessly stuck]

Yes, I have been noticing that from My uNPD husband. I have just started to ignore his subtle requests.  Later On, he will say "You never do anything for me."  then when I say what about THIS? His answer is "Well I never asked You to do that!"  If I don't do anything and Ignore his subtle request, then He sulks and won't talk to me for days. 

I think that way he does not have to feel guilty about HOW HE HAD financially used ME for 22 years.  After ALL they were just gifts. That is from the cheapskate of gifts. So many times for special occasions He will say...I will take You out for Dinner. ( Of course, that never happens    )  He said that for Valentines Day this year and I just ignored him. Then He came back and said "I was going to take You out to eat on Valentines Day but You weren't here! 
So, when I am with him, he says he will take me out on a different day...and IF I am not with him on the Holiday he says IF You were here...Another No win situation! This time I said Well, how many times have I heard that and Nothing has happened. He just turned around and left the room without saying anything. Just saying... ( i am still sticking up for Myself! yeah!)  Keep

[Hopelessly stuck]

There are many posts with food for thought. I too have this problem.  , I was sulking around One day about something My Daughter hadn't done. Finally, It dawned on me that I hadn't asked her. I quickly went to her and apologized and told her I needed to learn HOW TO ASK for what I need. She tries so hard to help Me. I tell her about what I am thinking and the "flashbacks" I am dealing with. She is always sympathetic and believes What I tell Her. She always says My uNPD Mom and uBPD Sis are Bat S**T crazy. She has been VLC from both of them for years. Me I think I am working through trauma bonding. I always just hoped it could be better and so much fun! I was a pipe dreamer. 

quote author=DustyMemories link=topic=78492.msg683970#msg683970 date=1551003459]
Thanks for everyone's replies. It's a relief to know I'm not alone and that I'm not imagining it. At the same time I'm sorry we all had to deal with it at all. (A common sentiment on this forum.)


WomanInterrupted, I started doing like you, either playing dumb and deliberately missing the point or pointing Mother to people who could help her. I have no idea if it would have worked as a long-term strategy - probably not, based on your experience - because I lost patience with her rubbish and went NC. Life is much better now. [/b] 


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