Introducing myself and my story

[LemonLime]

Hi All,
I'm glad to have found you.   I am a 52 year old F living in the US who has just now finally figured out that my older sister has high-functioning BPD or at least has BPD-like characteristics.   She has been very emotional since her teens, which we just figured was about being a teen.  But she's never really outgrown it.  Now she is in her mid-fifties, and although we seemed to have reached a steady way of interacting over the years, she has escalated as of late.   In the past 6 months she has begun targeting me.   She lives outside the US so we only see each other twice a year or so.   She has exploded unexpectedly at family functions (only when all non-family guests have left the house), once about her perception that I had not done my share of the chores, and then once at my mom over her perception that she had not been adequately recognized for her role in repairing a household appliance.   She writes emails that I would call "screeds", very pointedly and eloquently eviscerating me for whatever she considers I have done wrong.   Or that I have done wrong raising my kids (she has no kids of her own).  Wow, this is very painful.   We have, at times, been very close friends.   But I have learned that she always has an enemy and always need to be victim.  So I guess it's no surprise that the crosshairs are now on me.   I hate this.   I am getting counseling by someone that specializes in BPD.   I'm just really sad, and sometimes angry.  Anyway, I've read so much about this disease that I know this is typical.  Again, glad to have the fellowship along this path. Thanks.

[coyote]

Welcome to Out of the FOG Kat. The Toolbox here is a great place to start. It is chocked full of information with Tools and info on how to deal with PDs and lessen the stress on us nons. You will find a lot of support and more info on the boards. I'm sorry you need us but glad you found us.

[LemonLime]

Thanks Coyote!  I just looked at the Toolbox...very helpful!! 

I'm wondering if others have experienced this from a borderline....My sis seems to have her nose in all my business, and I can't figure out what that's about.   She will tell me that she "saw me looking dejectedly out the window" and seems to want me to explain myself.   It's almost like she's angry about that.  Not curious or concerned, but angry.   For the record, I wasn't dejected, just taking a break in the other room so I didn't have to hear her complain yet again about someone who is "victimizing" her.   I wanted away from the toxic talk, so I left the group so that I could have a break.   She pushes the boundaries very hard in terms of my kids, telling me that I should make them be more polite to my parents.   While I admit they are still working on perfect manners, it seems that it isn't her business.   Is this typical of the personality disorder?   One of the boundary issues so many of the borderlines seem to have? 

[coyote]

This is a common behavior. Look at the common behaviors in the toolbox. Look also at JADE, Circular Conversations, and Setting Boundaries.

[Summer Sun]

Just wanted to add my welcome, Kat1984.  This site is a great resource for deepening our knowledge and understanding of what we are experiencing in our PD relationships.  Know you are not alone.  Many here are navigating unsteady waters as you are, some have learned new tools from the toolbox here.  Others have gone NC as a protective measure as a last resort.

It is not easy, being the target of a BPD.  Yes, you will recognize some of your sisters traits and behaviors here at Out of the FOG; learning to name what you are experiencing may be helpful as will your therapy.  What seems important is changing our own behaviors and reactions in response as we can't change, control or cure others (the 3 C's).

I have an UBPDb and can relate to what you've shared.  Check out the sibling forum, It can feel very validating to know others have similar experiences.

Summer Sun

[leath]

Hi, I'm new on here. I believe I've been a victim of narcissistic/psychopathic abuse from some of my in-laws. Precisely my 'mil' and 'bil'. I feel alone in many ways as to why I decided to give this a try...

[Summer Sun]

Welcome to you as well Leath.  Feel free to post on the welcome mat as you feel able so you can receive the best feedback and support possible.  You are not alone, many here are going through very similar challenges.  Check out the traits, behaviors, toolbox, great resources!

BTW, if your user name in any way identifies you, it is advisable to change it for privacy and protection. 

Summer Sun